I don’t think it matters. Unless dear old dad called OP a racial slur first, it’s pretty unforgivable (and even then, being the better person is preferable to racism.) The girlfriend probably believes OP is a racist just below the surface and he’d call her and their future children vile slurs if he got angry enough. Who wants to online like that?
When you connect with someone it doesn't matter the age, sometimes you just vibe with certain people right away, you're on the same wavelength, the conversation flows like gravy, similar senses of humour. You just like them, that's it.
I amn a widower my wife passed away in 2005 yes your right but the grieving subsides alot I still miss her but I know I can't change what happened and found a point in time and knew it was time to move forward with life . the very hot part is this time of year she passed on Dec 5 th and her birthday was Dec 8 th we had just got back from California 2 days before this and I just don't like Christmas anymore because of that but I am ok you do have to get past it somewhat and realize that you can't bring them back she was my Rick I never thought I would meet someone like her after my first wife cheated on me. But it was meant to happen she was everything to me the moment I saw her I knew we would be married and that wasn't something I thought would happen told myself 100s of times I wouldn't and still can't believe it was in Utah we met at the Olympic games just watched the medals ceremonies my mind was going a 100 miles and hour went to a bar started watching a band play someone bumped me from behind I turned around she had her drink all over the front of her I looked in her eyes and knew we would be married . A year later we went to Las Vegas and made it official we did everything together man was in the mountains all the time in the Jeep just exploring everywhere didn't even met her family really tl after we were married her mom had left her was a drunk mom started to call more they made amends and the live! was something amazing I was married for 12 years it was never anything like this . My first marriage was amazing but I couldn't imagine it even better my daughter got along with her .
Hi OP, I feel for you. I want to mention two things off the bat that you did right from the start:
Held a boundary at removing all pictures from the first 18 years of your life from your home. You knew your late wife since you were children. It is unreasonable to ask that you erase any evidence that those years happened or mattered.
You compromised when your girlfriend expressed discomfort. You removed some, not all, photos. This should have been sufficient acknowledgement that her feelings matter to you as a current partner and that you’re willing to translate that into action.
I do not know if the number of remaining photos would be considered excessive to a reasonable romantic partner/person in general given the info provided. If this is a concern, ask an honest friend for their take.
I implore you to not let your ex gf back into your life, and to stop contacting her. Do this for your daughter if not for yourself.
Breaking things when upset instead of talking out is abusive. Screaming at your daughter over an innocent question/project is abusive. Demanding that your daughter, who has known gf all of two years, must now consider her to be “mom” and never bring up the mother she lost before she got a chance to really know the person who gave birth to her is cruel, manipulative and unacceptable.
Grief is tricky. It’s not linear. It’s not time-limited. It’s not something that needs to be “gotten over”, ever. This info provided is not enough for me to say that your way of remembering your late wife is holding you back from fulfilling romantic relationships or other things you might want to experience in life, because you were not the cause of this. There’s nothing in what you shared that causes me to believe your experience of grief is harmful.
Focus on healing from this experience for yourself and your daughter. It is scary and heartbreaking to watch someone you love and trust turn into an abuser in the blink of an eye. You need to process this loss of another hoped-for future.
I wish you strength, healing and luck. Give your daughter an extra hug.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
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We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
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I dislike play fighting in general, mainly because I'm a big guy and everyone likes to challenge the biggest guy in the room/it's all fun and games til someone gets hurt or scared/something goes wrong.
I'd suggest having a conversation about what happened and not let it stagnat because both parties need to clear the air. He should have given you a warning he was going to turn it up and you should have realized some guys (myself included) unfortunately get a bit overzealous in those situations and go a bit more caveman than they should.
It's only as awkward as you let it be. Talk it out,and figure out what's going on.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
Yeah. This isn't about the dog. I mean, it is, but it's not just the dog. The dog is just the straw that broke the camel's back. “I've called him out about all kinds of shit” means there are more and deeper issues about lying and trust. Sounds exhausting to me, always having to question what he's telling you.
I don’t think it matters. Unless dear old dad called OP a racial slur first, it’s pretty unforgivable (and even then, being the better person is preferable to racism.) The girlfriend probably believes OP is a racist just below the surface and he’d call her and their future children vile slurs if he got angry enough. Who wants to online like that?
When you connect with someone it doesn't matter the age, sometimes you just vibe with certain people right away, you're on the same wavelength, the conversation flows like gravy, similar senses of humour. You just like them, that's it.
I amn a widower my wife passed away in 2005 yes your right but the grieving subsides alot I still miss her but I know I can't change what happened and found a point in time and knew it was time to move forward with life . the very hot part is this time of year she passed on Dec 5 th and her birthday was Dec 8 th we had just got back from California 2 days before this and I just don't like Christmas anymore because of that but I am ok you do have to get past it somewhat and realize that you can't bring them back she was my Rick I never thought I would meet someone like her after my first wife cheated on me. But it was meant to happen she was everything to me the moment I saw her I knew we would be married and that wasn't something I thought would happen told myself 100s of times I wouldn't and still can't believe it was in Utah we met at the Olympic games just watched the medals ceremonies my mind was going a 100 miles and hour went to a bar started watching a band play someone bumped me from behind I turned around she had her drink all over the front of her I looked in her eyes and knew we would be married . A year later we went to Las Vegas and made it official we did everything together man was in the mountains all the time in the Jeep just exploring everywhere didn't even met her family really tl after we were married her mom had left her was a drunk mom started to call more they made amends and the live! was something amazing I was married for 12 years it was never anything like this . My first marriage was amazing but I couldn't imagine it even better my daughter got along with her .
Hi OP, I feel for you. I want to mention two things off the bat that you did right from the start:
Held a boundary at removing all pictures from the first 18 years of your life from your home. You knew your late wife since you were children. It is unreasonable to ask that you erase any evidence that those years happened or mattered.
You compromised when your girlfriend expressed discomfort. You removed some, not all, photos. This should have been sufficient acknowledgement that her feelings matter to you as a current partner and that you’re willing to translate that into action.
I do not know if the number of remaining photos would be considered excessive to a reasonable romantic partner/person in general given the info provided. If this is a concern, ask an honest friend for their take.
I implore you to not let your ex gf back into your life, and to stop contacting her. Do this for your daughter if not for yourself.
Breaking things when upset instead of talking out is abusive. Screaming at your daughter over an innocent question/project is abusive. Demanding that your daughter, who has known gf all of two years, must now consider her to be “mom” and never bring up the mother she lost before she got a chance to really know the person who gave birth to her is cruel, manipulative and unacceptable.
Grief is tricky. It’s not linear. It’s not time-limited. It’s not something that needs to be “gotten over”, ever. This info provided is not enough for me to say that your way of remembering your late wife is holding you back from fulfilling romantic relationships or other things you might want to experience in life, because you were not the cause of this. There’s nothing in what you shared that causes me to believe your experience of grief is harmful.
Focus on healing from this experience for yourself and your daughter. It is scary and heartbreaking to watch someone you love and trust turn into an abuser in the blink of an eye. You need to process this loss of another hoped-for future.
I wish you strength, healing and luck. Give your daughter an extra hug.
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I'm so glad that story has crossed over from AITA ?
Hello /u/haikuzuna,
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I dislike play fighting in general, mainly because I'm a big guy and everyone likes to challenge the biggest guy in the room/it's all fun and games til someone gets hurt or scared/something goes wrong.
I'd suggest having a conversation about what happened and not let it stagnat because both parties need to clear the air. He should have given you a warning he was going to turn it up and you should have realized some guys (myself included) unfortunately get a bit overzealous in those situations and go a bit more caveman than they should.
It's only as awkward as you let it be. Talk it out,and figure out what's going on.
Hello /u/StarryNightSky2019,
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Yeah. This isn't about the dog. I mean, it is, but it's not just the dog. The dog is just the straw that broke the camel's back. “I've called him out about all kinds of shit” means there are more and deeper issues about lying and trust. Sounds exhausting to me, always having to question what he's telling you.
Wow. That's not okay, ever. Not even slightly.
I'm not sure what the argument was about and it probably doesn't matter, but you should take space from her to reevaluate this relationship.
No man or woman should behave that way towards their partner.
I would break up for that. There's no way in hell I'd accept that from someone that “loves” me. Nope.
What grade is this fellow in?
There's a series of fb pages named 'Are we Dating the same guy (city name)'. You should post him There.
This could be a sign of frontal lobe dementia. Please try to have her see a neurologist
Damn ? maybe I do want your permission.
But I see what you’re saying. I will grow a pair and talk to him.