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Nina18babysitter, y.o.
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Date: November 1, 2022
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because she asked. that should be enough
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You absolutely need to go without him. First off, you deserve it. Second, if you don’t want to dump this guy (which you should by the way) you need to establish the fact that you won’t sacrifice your wants because he was stupid. Because trust me, if you allow this you will just enable this behavior. If you go he will resent it but he will never make that mistake again because he’ll know you’re not canceling your plans for him.
She's probably lying about her therapist saying that. I read a post and thread on Facebook where women were talking about having apps on their phone that notify them when their men do anything on their own phones, they get notified when their men call, text, open apps, get on social media, search history. They use these to stop their men from crossing their porn boundaries. A woman said her husband isn't supposed to masturbate even without porn. When I questioned this crazy level of control they were all trying to convince me their therapists recommended this shit. I don't believe it for a minute. People think if they say a therapist said it everyone will go, ooooh yes, that explains it. As if therapists can't be wrong.
What's stopping you?
You are in a horribly dangerous situation. I know well-meaning people are going to tell you “just leave” and yes, you do need to leave but you need to protect yourself.
I’ve known two men who served time in prison on wrongful convictions on account of a woman’s false testimony. Your wife is a loose cannon and her history of violence demonstrates that she is capable of pretty much anything, especially if she does it right in front of your kids. You may find yourself in a situation where you are forced to defend yourself to save your own life and how is that going to be perceived in court? Or, she could actually Jill you or turn her wrath on your kids. You do not have the luxury of sticking around because you love her and want her to change.
You also don’t want your kids to grow up thinking this is okay or “normal” and take it from someone who grew up in a house with domestic violence, this absolutely will traumatize your kids. Damage has been done already. Trauma causes lifelong, life threatening issues that can at least be mitigated if you take action now.
Call an attorney, tell them everything that has been happening and not only file for divorce but make sure you get sole custody of your kids and supervised visitation for the mother. You may have to make a police report in order for this to happen. Don’t give her any heads up as to what you plan to do, you don’t want her to beat you to the punch and change the narrative.
Your kids deserve better and so do you. I wish you the best.
Always the zero effort mfs
It sounds like your situation sucks! Feelings are always tricky.
It sounds like your brain is associating proximity with feelings of infatuation. It actually happens a lot when people are made to spend a great deal of time with someone of the gender they're attracted to. It seems like you're with her all the time, and since you don't have anyone else to attach any sort of connection to, she's getting all that attention by default. It definitely sounds like her affections are elsewhere, though, at least judging by what you wrote.
Honestly, the best way to deal with these feelings is to cut back on the time you spend with her and fill that extra time with new people and experiences. You don't have to avoid her, but hanging out with someone you have unrequited feelings for every day really sucks after a while. Go out, take up a hobby, meet some new people, and even if those feelings don't fade over time, they can (and will!) become a lot easier to deal with.
And also, when they go to dinner you know they’re very flirty and probably playing footsie under the table. Sorry OP, I wish you luck.