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Room for live! sex video chat nylaahh-1
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Languages: en
Birth Date: 1997-11-22
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Date: December 18, 2022
I don't mind the talking about the kid. she says she can't stand him and only talks to him for the kid.
There’s a lot going on here, and honestly, it’s going to be impossible for any of us to say whether or not she has a crush. We can’t see into her head. There’s a lot that she’s doing that’s totally fine and normal, and a few things that are definitely crossing some boundaries. I think likely what’s going on with her is a mix of inexperience and countertransference (which is when a therapist or other mental health professional transfers their feelings/emotions onto a patient/client. Importantly, it’s not necessarily romantic feelings).
I’m going to go through the behaviors you mentioned one by one.
first thing I noticed was that she regularly goes over time on his sessions. It’s supposed to be 50 minutes but she’s never kept it to under one hour, and has gone as long as two hours. Nothing particularly crazy is happening in these sessions where she goes long, I would understand if some big breakthrough was happening, but he says the conversation is pretty normal. I’m not stalking his sessions, by the way, this is stuff he shares with me.
This to me is likely a sign of inexperience on her part. It certainly could be that she has romantic feelings for your husband and is intentionally extending their time together in order to spend time with him, but it’s much more likely that she just isn’t good at naturally ending sessions at the hour mark and/or has extra time in her schedule. It’s actually a lot harder than you’d think to cut a session off at a specific time, and it’s a skill that takes practice. Many newer mental health professionals are really bad at this (and quite a few experienced ones are as well). Also, if her schedule isn’t particularly full, she may just be passing the time. I’d also bet that your husband is one of her easier clients and she may simply find her sessions with him more rewarding (which is a really common form of countertransference).
also always reminds him to text her if there is an “emergency”. He doesn’t really have mental health emergencies. I know some therapists text and I think it’s a nice offer, but she seems to want to have a very open line of communication. She also texts him to remind him about his appointments (seems perfectly reasonable) but then will also include a little something extra like “I hope your week was good!” or a smiley emoji. My therapists have never texted me, which I’m completely fine with and it’s always been expected that I will remember my standing weekly sessions on my own.
The emergency texting isn’t uncommon and isn’t a red flag at all (assuming she’s also advising him to call 911 for true emergencies). Therapists differ in how open they are to non scheduled communication, but I expect she’s using reasonable clinical judgement here in making that determination with your husband. The reminder texts are completely normal including the “hood your week was good” part. My therapist, who is a married woman several decades older than me, sends the same messages and I have no concerns that she has a crush on me (and she has strong, normal boundaries). If they were chit chatting between sessions, that would absolutely be inappropriate, but what you’ve described here doesn’t sound like it.
she’s offered to be our couples therapist AFTER slightly hinting at us maybe getting divorced. A divorce is not something either of us want. We’ve had some bumps in the road but definitely nothing catastrophic and we’ve openly told her that that feels way out of line. She also tends to therapize me even though I’m not her patient and she’s only talked to me briefly.
This is where things get super shaky. She absolutely should not be offering to be your couples therapist. As your husband’s therapist, she’s not going to be objective in trying to treat you as a couple (and probably also won’t be objective in treating your husband either). Couples therapists treat the relationship, individual therapists treat the people. It can easily get super messy with spillover in both directions if anyone tries to do both. I do know some individual therapists who are willing to do couples sessions here and there for minor issues (and the reverse with couples therapists), but it’s rare and generally not advisable. Again, this could be due to malicious intent on her part, or it could be due to inexperience.
For the divorce part, I’d say that’s almost certainly countertransference on her end. (Of course, it’s possible something was said during your husband’s individual sessions with her that you don’t know about, but that doesn’t seem to be the case). It could be that she has romantic feelings towards your husband, it could be that she thinks you should get divorced based on what she’s heard about your relationship, it could be that she’s going through her own divorce/has her own background that’s making her see trouble in your relationship where it doesn’t exist. None of us can say which it is.
It’s very hot to say whether or not her therapizing you is problematic without knowing what was said. Sometimes, therapists will try to offer insight into why someone else is acting the way they are, which isn’t necessarily inappropriate. Obviously it would be if she’s trying to diagnose or treat you in any way.
I should add that he thinks it’s possible that she has a crush on him and that he’s not attracted to her.
This is concerning for sure. Your husband shouldn’t be seeing her if he thinks she may have a crush on him. Even if he isn’t attracted to her, if she does have a crush, it’s going to interfere with her ability to treat him. Also therapy is a very vulnerable and intimate situation and it’s really easy for romantic feelings to develop (which would be an example of transference). It’s dangerous water for sure.
Ultimately, regardless of the underlying reasons or if any crush is present, I think your husband should find a new therapist. He started seeing her in part to help with issues in your relationship, and it sounds to me like she’s adding problems rather than solving them. Also, her offer of couples therapy and her mention of divorce would both make me question her clinical judgment. My advice would be to sit down with your husband and discuss your concerns. Try not to sound accusatory because your husband isn’t doing anything wrong.
I felt the exact same thing and told my girlfriend this, but she is insistent on “if we get married, it is just you and me. that’s it. no one else.” I don’t personally believe that as she is gonna be around our kids, at our place, etc. I don’t want someone like that around me at all, but do you think she will be an active part of my life if we get married?
oh man, I wish I had thought of dating older women when I was 22. I didn't start until I was around 29 or so. but at 29 i kind of opened my range up to 45 was the oldest lady I dated and I've never really gone back. if i were you I'd open my range up to like 40ish.
As a 30yr old I wouldn’t want to date a 22 year old, it’s just two different stages of life and levels of maturity. I would also probably assume that any 22yr old chasing me was only interested in a hookup and not anything serious. I’d say stick to your own age group, but swiping without expectations can’t hurt, you might get a match or two.
” I said my hunch.”
My hunch is you're projecting