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Raidenei Public Chat Channel
Date: October 26, 2022
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Yeah man she needs a lot of help. Help that only someone with a certification or an PhD can provide and unfortunately those people cost money. One you get past this rough patch I would try everything in my power to get her to a therapist.
If he’s home all the time and isn’t paying for groceries why isnt he doing at least either the cooking or cleaning, and grocery shopping?
You acted appropriately, turning down the gift would have been awkward and rude.
Your bf is very insecure, but his brother probably is crushing on you.
Tell the brother privately that you feel embarrassed to accept such an expensive gift, and return it.
Then tell your bf to grow up.
yeah no forgot to tell you guys he already probably gave me herpes because when he found out he had it he kept it from me. He kept it from me for 3 and a half months having unprotected sex, and then confessed in a drunken haze one night. He claimed her didnt tell me because he “thought the doctor was lying and it was just a rash from the fever”. Of course he did have it and he was just being selfish. so hopefully I didn't contract within that time frame that he didn't tell me about it. I wont let him come back with promises of change; people don't change their deep rooted behaviors. thanks for your comment!
YOU are withholding affection by deliberately blocking the way she prefers to communicate.
Next time you want to talk to her,,she should make you use semaphore flags across a foggy stadium.
I'd be disgusted if a mutual friend stole my private photos*
I'd put your support system on red alert and go that route. Mourn the relationship and just vent to all your friends. That is the best you can do right now.
I'm sorry this happened and I wish you the best.
I'm guessing your family is Christian. I would just like to point out how he is treating you. It is very unchristian, and I would tell him that what he is doing is not what Jesus would do.
He was talking to womenswear very late at night on a social media with a bad reputation. He also agreed not to use it anymore when his gf mentioned not being happy about it. He admits even though he agreed to that, he still goes on it to talk to women. No wonder the gf has a trust issue. We are getting trickle truth out of him.
And no, you asked me if I was an adult as an under handed ad hominem. I am adult enough to notice that. I will tell you what else I am adult enough to do. I am adult enough to have learned a long long time ago not to be a black and white thinker. Therefore I am adult enough not to assume the following:
She obviously went back because of a bruised ego after being used. You read ALL this into the sentence “the guy trashed her. Then she come back to me”. Most adults where I come from see the statement as vague and full of multiple interpretations. Your interpretation is one of them. It could also mean she was abused by guy, and eventually got back with op, the guy could have cheated on her, she made her way back to OP, and so forth. We have no idea what she was thinking or why. Your interpretation is not the obvious one, the paragraph is absent of details necessary to demand it as the obvious one. We don’t even know the time frame between relationships, or who asked who back out.
”It’s obvious OP has low self esteem because he says he just can’t leave her and is doing everything to make her happy after she made it clear he is her backup plan.”
Only in a black and white thinking world is the phrase I can’t (which is all he said) an “obvious” indicator of low self esteem. In my half a century worth of adult experience, I have encountered many couples where one felt they couldn’t leave for numerous reasons, self esteem being one, but not the only one. I knew a very confident alpha male, A personality guy who didn’t leave a person he should have either, because the woman lived off him and had no life skills. As far as making her happy, after apologizing for being caught talking with women late at night after agreeing to not do that again, he apologized and acted like what a typical boyfriend acts like (for some reason you act like it’s above and beyond) but continued to sneak behind her back and go on the media, and still does. And I missed the part where she or even he made a clear and precise statement or action that showed him to be the back up plan. Could he be? Sure, it is possible you are accurate. But the info provide, which is very little at best, very vague at worst does not demand or beg your opinion and assessment to be the only possible conclusion.
”Any adult with a modicum of life experience would realize this.”
I don’t doubt that an adult with a modicum of life experience would have a very rigid sense of thinking. An adult with an abundance of life experience would not usually be so black and white, with such stringent room for interpretation, and take a post as vague as this one, and think they know with great certainty, all the ins and outs of this relationship, what someone did not share their side of the story is thinking or motivated by, diagnosing an OP because they simply can not perceive other possibilities for why they stay, demanding that only their interpretation is the only possible one with such great veracity that they try for sly back handed ad hominem when they realize another adult won’t get on board with it.
Meanwhile, we continue have a vague post, omitting many details, including circumstances of how he even wound up back with the girlfriend, never mind a time frame, who has trickled more facts in by later openly admitted to still doing the night chats with multiple women even though he promised not to anymore. This same person who also thinks singing a song together is cheating, and has yet to provide any proof at all that his gf did any more than singing while in a relationship with him. I don’t find it the least bit absurd or childish, or proof of lack of life experience for anyone to not jump to full on conclusions and interject narratives in this situation. If you want to think otherwise, I do not mind. You are not going to compel me to black and white think anymore than I can compel you to grey think. From this point on, thank you for your thought provoking discussion, much appreciated, but until I see much better quality of details, I will have to stand by my agreement to disagree with you. Good day and good night.
A little unrelated but my coworker did the same thing to me that OP did to the fiancé – I work in customer service and had a customer be a complete POS towards me b/c I needed to card him for tobacco. He belittled me, insulted my appearance, said he made more money, tried to pull the race card, etc. I’ve been nothing but nice to this customer for so so long.
I was tired of it and vented to my coworker, who I’ve been working with for a while at this point, and he said he should “speak to the customer and get his side of the story” because he believed there was more to it and implied I had some fault in this as well.
I felt so betrayed by someone who I had considered to be on friendly terms with among the people I worked with. I trained this person and even met his mom lol. There’s a lot of other workplace drama that made this incident even worse as well. I have since stopped treating him as a work friend and he feels it. If I know for sure I am not at fault for something and the other person does not believe me, I cut them out instantly. It’s not my job to convince someone I trust whether I am guilty or not, and if that starts to feel necessary, I will remove them. I shouldn’t have to feel crazy or question my reality when I trust my own judgment.
OP, it doesn’t even matter if your husband was “wrong” in some capacity, you’ve been with him for 6 years and he confided in you something so personal, yet you did not believe him. He trusted you to take his word for it and thought you understood how real his pain was. Going behind his back to meet with his mom “to get her side of the story” is you invalidating how traumatic his experience was. He is a grown man, not a child, and you don’t get to dictate how he maintains his relationship with others. If he says no, it’s a NO. He knows what works for him and what’s non-negotiable. This was non-negotiable.