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ramon, 27 y.o.
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Date: November 3, 2022
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I laughed when you said it feels like a trap. At this point in your life it would be. First thing you know you’d be in a house that needs maintenance that needs the lawn mowed that needs to be painted and then a baby and then a whole host of responsibilities that are going to tie you down at this point in your life, which sounds like you don’t want. Don’t fall for it.
Is it specifically the cheating that makes you want to divorce, or would you want to anyway?
If it is the cheating, did she definitely cheat, or has she been planning to? I note you said he lives away. Not trying to excuse emotional affairs at all.
First year with kids is incredibly hard and it sounds like you two have had a really tough time, and been suspicious of one another. At the end of the day, it has to be about the 2 of you, not your daughter – it's not fair to put that on her. Do you think you and your wife can be happy together, and do you want to try? Best of luck to you, whatever you decide. You and your daughter will be just great.
This… It's every other day it seems. It's almost predictable.
I went through the same thought process as you with the title, the story, then the comments. “oh no, 23? okay 32 is better! oh shit never mind”
Yep! Ok so she said that sex was the only way to shut him up. When did a sleepover get added to that equation? Bye Felicia.
You're still young. I personally wouldn't stick around. He's got serious problems
I don’t agree with the whole flip thing, we had been talking for 2 months and exclusive for 1, so idk if that applies.
Why doesn't he work? How does he pay bills?
I agree that it’s all about trust. But it IS an important difference. A phone call (unanticipated, at that) is unsolicited, and requires no contact. It can be immediately and easily exited. Both your examples require prior contact and planning to meet in person, and are intimate (though it depends on the dinner). And I don’t even mean a “bad” intimate, but that’s a totally different boundary. And the party example implies a preexisting/continued friendship/relationship (not THAT kind of relationship) between exes, which is totally different to here.
The dinner example is more comparable, but still requires prior contact, planning, agreeing to do it, and meeting in person. Also, neither situation is as easy to leave as hanging up a phone!
The problems with your situation is first, the damage she did is still fresh as it's only been 7 months. Yes it's been 7 months, but in the grand scheme of things it's only been 7 months. Second is that your are already seeing repeat of behaviors that were serious issues in the past. The signs she's showing is that she really hasn't changed. Third is that you don't trust her in your house, and from the sound of it you never will. That kind of lack of trust will always be a road block. Fourth, and this is just my take based on what you said, she is treating you like a fall back, and security blanket. She doesn't want to truly face the things she has done so she is falling back on someone who accepted her behaviors for 2 years so she feels safe. She is already testing your boundaries, and she will continue to do so until you just suck it up, and accept her behaviors in their entirety again. She is using you so she doesn't have to face her own issues. For your own mental, and emotional health you would be better to walk away, and not be her safety blanket. She needs to get her act together on her own.
You mean you, a fully grown adult still live! with your father. He lets you on-line there, and because of this generosity you believe you get to weigh in on his life choices,
How about you…. MOVE OUT!
find your own problems to solve instead of creating problems for people that take care of you.