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Raven, 24 y.o.
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Date: October 13, 2022
You're right, I don't want to be passive aggressive with someone I care about. I need to find the time to sit down and talk to her, but I'm not sure I'm capable of doing that right now, when I'm still feeling hurt about the “get out of the car” scenario, but probably soon.
I'm not sure how to approach this in the right way. It's not my job to tell her how to parent her kids. The thing is, she KNOWS she enables their behavior. She'll do anything to avoid making them upset. The more I think about it, the more I think I should talk to her about getting therapy for herself. She will probably say she doesn't have time/can't afford to.
You know how it is, when you know someone who has it all, but still always feels like they are so unlucky? On paper, she's super successful these days: pretty, great boyfriend, well paying job, two cars, a house she owns in full, and yet… can never be happy, always on the brink of a meltdown, and can't make ends meet. She drives me crazy, honestly.
OP, just want to caution you. You may be able to get him removed by the police for the time being but he wouldn’t be trespassing since your husband allowed him to stay. So just something to consider before involving the cops. May be more hassle than it’s worth since he could just waltz back in if your husband allows it. Could just wait the two days out and then confront your husband for the final time about this + divorce.
Definitely go through with the divorce though. It’s very clear that you’re exhausted and your husband is putting his family over you. It is the absolute worst when you don’t have the support of your spouse which results in fighting all these battles alone. You just want the best for your kids. But that means that you must do what’s best for yourself. This is no longer a safe environment and it’s becoming very toxic for all involved.
If having him go in and out of your life unpredictably leaves you feeling confused or upset, dont feel any guilt over going NC with him.
However, if it doesn't sit right with you to ghost, send him a reason via text or email, then block him.
Your husband is or was cheating on you and some form of gay or bi. It’s best to divorce
Give him space. Give him a break from you. Let him reach out if he wants. That’ll be best for your guys relationship with each other. It needs time and space to be mended which is probably why you being clingy freaked him out.
No, that's the logic, to relieve yourself from some guilt while believing nothings gonna happen, because it happened so long ago, sunk cost fallacy.
That's exactly the point.
How about sending her a text along the line of:
“I have to be honest with you, I think you are closer to me than I am to you, and now that we aren't colleagues anymore I don't really wish to extend our friendship. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just that I never felt the deep connection between us you seem to have. You're a nice person I didn't want to just block you without a goodbye. I wish you all the best.”
If she blows up your phone after that, just block her everywhere.
Oh man. My heart hurt a little reading this. I don’t think she’s gaslighting you here, but she’s definitely not acting like a good partner, or person, really.
It is not asking too much for some basic human kindness and support. You looking for some general or gentle encouragement is not asking her to be your mommy. You say you have a wonderful relationship otherwise and I would guess that’s because you’re a good partner who frequently supports her and her needs at the expense of your own. As long as it’s about her, I’m sure everything is great.
That’s not healthy and just from this post she sound pretty awful. You deserve kindness and support from your partner. You deserve a little grace when it comes to dealing with anxiety. Everyone has bad days where you need to become one with the couch. Your house won’t be spotless every single day and that’s okay. Her acting this way is not helping your mental health.
I’d normally say the first step is to communicate the issues you’re having, but you’ve already done that. She wouldn’t even give you the time of day. That’d be a nude dealbreaker for me.
I hope you take away from this that you truly deserve better, OP. It’s okay to want someone to support your hobbies and interests. They don’t have to like them too, but they should at least be supportive. You deserve that in a partner. Take some time to yourself and really evaluate if this relationship is healthy for you and if it’s truly making you happy. I promise there is someone out there who will bake cookies with you and listen to you talk about radios and help you practice Spanish. It’s out there, don’t settle for less. ?
Imagine what she cluld do for two shots of vodka or maybe a bottle.
She is not gf material, stop treating her like gf if she doesn't act like one.
You haven’t worked through these experiences if they’re still affecting you so much that you’re having panic attacks and refuse to speak about them.
You need to go back to therapy and you need to trust your gf to hear your experiences.