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RavenSeven7, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 9, 2022
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I am acknowledging your point – I prefer that people state facts. That's not the issue though. What I'm stressing is her inability to have an open/mature communication following anything that could potentially spark conflict (such as a 'fact' that's brought up or anything else that could be tough in life).
What I'm looking for is someone who is OK with stating facts AND having an open dialogue/mature conversation about it.
I could go on a date with someone next year who says 'i disagree with your political views,' and it could hurt my feelings, but if they're open to having a discussion about it rather than shutting me down/criticizing/stonewalling, then I'm FINE with that.
When I stated 'facts' to her (which are so innocuous to begin with, like an MMORPG poll), she could have simply had a convo about it rather than go irate. She could have simply said, 'well maybe they don't like the game, but I like it – and there's no need for you to bring up something like this because it upsets me.” That's how I'd approach it. I wouldn't go emotionally irate and start yelling/telling people to fuck off (which she did).
In my example in my OP, regarding the 'fact' she stated that i had no close friends right now, I'm OKAY with that, what I'm NOT okay with is how she doesn't even have an open discussion about it or completely disregards my perspective. If the tables were turned, I'd 100% consider what her perspectives were.
Is this the life you want with her? If yes, cancel the trip and know you made the choice. If no, tell her goodbye.
She will not change either way.
If you won't even risk putting your fiance before your friend to have an honest conversation, you have a pre-marital problem.
Talk to her.
You will drive yourself crazy. Stop. Just stop. Let the relationship go because he has issues of his own and you cannot help him with them. He has to figure out his own stuff. This isn't your stuff to resolve. And thank goodness it happened now, before. Don't force memories or your brain will start making stuff up in an effort to be helpful and then your whole grasp on reality starts to slide. Walk away. Block everything. Take a bit of time for you.
This was a depressing read. You know who you could love more? Yourself. Sounds like you'd have more money and on-line better alone. I highly recommend it.
Please end it and give no hope for getting back together. Keep it short and easy. “I’ve decided it’s healthier for both of us to go our separate ways. please don’t contact me any longer, I wish you the very best.” Then get out of there! Be cautious and stay alert to everything going on around you for the next few months. Good luck!