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regina, 24 y.o.
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Date: October 10, 2022
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I was with someone like this for almost 5 years. He was clumsy and rough and always horrified and jokey anytime he hurt me. Turns out it was a combo of autism and OCD. I wouldn’t give up on him just yet but it also seriously upset me too, and he wasn’t even that much bigger than me. I would escalate how seriously you talk to him about this issue because I know how upsetting it can be. He would even roughhouse my dog when he was staying with me beginning of COVID and totally freak my dog out (he’s a big German shepherd, so no harm done obviously). He was a bit ADHD too I think because he was also super sweet but would forget stuff and get totally distracted.
Anyway yeah, a really really serious sit down helps, and also repetitively reminding him to be gentle. A therapist told me once that boundaries, even for non-neurodivergent people, take multiple reminders before they stick. It’ll be a different matter if after multiples he keeps doing it. The same way I’m careful at night when my kitty sleeps with me, he can train himself to be careful with you.
It is slightly concerning that he isn’t bothered by spraining your ankle though. I have a little tiny flag flappin around in my head at that
Fuck, there goes my 18 year friendship with him and 7 years with her
All because of those fuckin kitty memes ?
We live in a society
You're just making bullshit excuses for your bf's crass & disrespectful behaviour.
How is he so anxious that you think he can barely sit through a dinner with your folks, but he's bold enough to make such an outlandish “joke”?
He owes your parents an apology for the way he spoke as a guest in their home.
For a fresh perspective: imagine anything but her beauty.
Her cooking. Imagine if you had to say anything not cooked by her tasted unpalatable.
Her music. No, love, only your violin by itself is music to my ears. All other instruments or musicians are rubbish.
Her voice. Please, take the phone. There is a woman calling and her voice is terrible.
My wife would have been happier if I looked like John Travolta, and I'd be over the moon if she looked more like Jessica Alba. So very glad we are much more concerned about other things, because neither of us look like movie stars of any type.
Imagine your wife stretching it to non humans. “What do you mean that puppy is cute?!”
It's only manipulative if you're doing something intentionally to get her to act a certain way. Accepting that money and never talking to her again isn't doing anything manipulative at all.
So she's abusive (digging through your phone, throwing her phone at you)l How you deal is to leave an abusive person. Good luck, OP. It doesn't matter how great she is otherwise. She's the speck of dogshit in an otherwise delicious sandwich.
Bwahahaha. Oh sweet summer child you are sadly ignorant and blind to the rest of the world. I DON”T WANT A MAN! Not every woman wants a man, stop assuming that. I was making a joke about men because I'm a lesbian. Jesus. I'm ok with you thinking my behavior is inappropriate. Mostly because your opinions hold very little weight with the way you yourself have behaved. Just leave your friends alone and don't interfere and don't fucking gossip behind their backs. Don't be that petty little girl who needs to be in everyone's business.
Does he plan to come back?
I guess the question you need your ask yourself is do you want this relationship? Do you want to be with this person? I’m currently dating someone who is a lot different than I am. She grew up with a bad family brat ground. She has a Family of a lotto neurodivergent people. I came from a family of love and support and all together kind of similar to the two of you guys. The thing is she wants our relationship. She really really wants our relationship. She is doing everything within her power to make our relationship work, she makes changes constantly to make our relationship work. I don’t ask her to do anything for me. I accept her as she is but she wants this relationship so bad she is constantly making changes. So again, do you want this relationship or do you want any kind of relationship only you can answer this you can ask for help you can seek help but at the end of the day it’s what you want
It’s literally their first relationship. He’s never even had a breakup before. They were preyed on by an older, more experienced person. It’s extremely insulting to call first time abuse victims “passive” as if this is his fault.
They’ve only been dating 8 months. And he’s been surviving just fine until she came along.
Frankly I’m proud he’s recognized it this quickly, I’ve known friends that took literal years to recognize their partners are abusive.
I agree therapy would help, but this person is being emotionally and physically beaten, and your comment is largely unhelpful victim blaming.