I forget where I saw it but I watched a video when I was ~19 that suggested wiping your ass at various intervals throughout the day and it made me realize just how quickly that situation can deteriorate. I wish I could find it again because it seriously needs to be part of every high school health class.
I'm very sorry this happened to you and to your partner. I was wondering if maybe you were drugged and don't know it. maybe you had a bad reaction to the alcohol for some reason. I do think it's a good idea to go to therapy to talk through it and to talk to your partner about what happened. this is super sad and scary and I know you must feel awful. I didn't take your edits as excuses but reading the final edit it seems like some people may have. your edits made a lot of sense to me and clarified a lot so thank you.
Dating is an audition. I'm an actor, and if someone shows up hours late to an audition with the excuse that they “had a thing to do,” they don't get the job. I can't imagine why your precious time deserves less respect than a TJMaxx commercial.
This. OP, 8 years of your life wasted on him, who doesn't respect you. It shows you are a commited and kind person. It would be great for you to leave this man and find someone deserving of you
Leave her alone, she's not and never was romantically interested in you!
How dumb you are?
Her friend told her not to have sex with you, her ex told her not to have a relationship with you… Buddy she never wanted to have anything romantically with you!
“Did she ever really love me?” – NO, why do you think that she ever loved you?
Thank you much. We both are currently in individual therapy. My therapist specializes in couples therapy so I’m going to bring this all up to her see if she can help me with my issues with physical touch
…He left you. That's why he's not answering. There's nothing to clear up. He's gone.
I'm sorry, I don't really know what you're expecting. It's sudden and the timing definitely sucks, but he was clear about what's happened.
There's nothing for you to do now, except try to figure out how to pursue divorce while one party is AWOL, or wait for the papers to show up from his end.
There's a difference between dominant men, who know what they are doing, how to fix problems, how to treat you well, etc… And “dominant” wannabe alpha losers at age 26 going after an 18yo to judge her constantly and are being controlling.
Dominant does not being being controlling. Depends how you look at it. Seems like he just sought out a young woman who he would have an “easier” time controlling. Ask yourself why he is not dating women his own age. It's because women his age can see he's a freaking loser and a creep.
Now he's settled down with you, the erotic role playing dynamic he has with the friend not an appropriate relationship to have. The only way this would be acceptable is if you both agreed to an open relationship. The way he is comparing this situation is like he's unemotionally watching porn, but given that the sexual contact is going on with a real life friend, this situation is beyond and not comparable to that.
Tell him that the roleplay needs to be with you-only and that he needs to respect your boundaries on this.
We ARE talking about someone who has a penis, therefore he is by nature a sexual predator and must be controlled by any and all means necessary.
How did you manage to extract a misandrist nature from the commenter above you simply saying this wasn't consensual?
Using someone's hand to jerk yourself off without their consent is assault, intentionally malicious or no. If this was something he accidentally did in his sleep, that's obviously different.
Same thing if a woman used her boyfriend's sleeping hand to finger herself. Not okay, and it is assault.
However, if the partner acknowledges what they did was wrong and that they needed to have a pre-established agreement first, and doesn't do it again, then I don't think it has to be a relationship ender.
Oh yeah for sure, while she was a kid she was always going to act out in this situation – it would be normal even if OPs ex didn’t stir the pot. But at 24 she either has to forgive her dad and move on with their relationship – and part of that would be at the very least not expecting him to drop plans around his baby – or cut him off. She can’t just dangle him on a rope and play the guilt card all the time. It mugs me off even more because it sounds like he has made an effort to be there for her!
They both were just fun people to party with, plus we have a lot in common with tv, music, etc. but I now realize that probably isn’t the only quality I should look for in a friend
Welcome to having a boyfriend. We are simple creatures and objectify female body parts it how we a made
I forget where I saw it but I watched a video when I was ~19 that suggested wiping your ass at various intervals throughout the day and it made me realize just how quickly that situation can deteriorate. I wish I could find it again because it seriously needs to be part of every high school health class.
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I'm very sorry this happened to you and to your partner. I was wondering if maybe you were drugged and don't know it. maybe you had a bad reaction to the alcohol for some reason. I do think it's a good idea to go to therapy to talk through it and to talk to your partner about what happened. this is super sad and scary and I know you must feel awful. I didn't take your edits as excuses but reading the final edit it seems like some people may have. your edits made a lot of sense to me and clarified a lot so thank you.
This is what I thought. He plans to get away but his wife or girlfriend keeps it from happening on time.
Dating is an audition. I'm an actor, and if someone shows up hours late to an audition with the excuse that they “had a thing to do,” they don't get the job. I can't imagine why your precious time deserves less respect than a TJMaxx commercial.
Just saw your history. PROSTITUTES?! Girl he can give you a disease. Just leave
This. OP, 8 years of your life wasted on him, who doesn't respect you. It shows you are a commited and kind person. It would be great for you to leave this man and find someone deserving of you
Leave her alone, she's not and never was romantically interested in you!
How dumb you are?
Her friend told her not to have sex with you, her ex told her not to have a relationship with you… Buddy she never wanted to have anything romantically with you!
“Did she ever really love me?” – NO, why do you think that she ever loved you?
Thank you much. We both are currently in individual therapy. My therapist specializes in couples therapy so I’m going to bring this all up to her see if she can help me with my issues with physical touch
Why don't you take the shorts over anyway and return them. She doesn't have to do it. You can find out right now
…He left you. That's why he's not answering. There's nothing to clear up. He's gone.
I'm sorry, I don't really know what you're expecting. It's sudden and the timing definitely sucks, but he was clear about what's happened.
There's nothing for you to do now, except try to figure out how to pursue divorce while one party is AWOL, or wait for the papers to show up from his end.
There's a difference between dominant men, who know what they are doing, how to fix problems, how to treat you well, etc… And “dominant” wannabe alpha losers at age 26 going after an 18yo to judge her constantly and are being controlling.
Dominant does not being being controlling. Depends how you look at it. Seems like he just sought out a young woman who he would have an “easier” time controlling. Ask yourself why he is not dating women his own age. It's because women his age can see he's a freaking loser and a creep.
Now he's settled down with you, the erotic role playing dynamic he has with the friend not an appropriate relationship to have. The only way this would be acceptable is if you both agreed to an open relationship. The way he is comparing this situation is like he's unemotionally watching porn, but given that the sexual contact is going on with a real life friend, this situation is beyond and not comparable to that.
Tell him that the roleplay needs to be with you-only and that he needs to respect your boundaries on this.
We ARE talking about someone who has a penis, therefore he is by nature a sexual predator and must be controlled by any and all means necessary.
How did you manage to extract a misandrist nature from the commenter above you simply saying this wasn't consensual?
Using someone's hand to jerk yourself off without their consent is assault, intentionally malicious or no. If this was something he accidentally did in his sleep, that's obviously different.
Same thing if a woman used her boyfriend's sleeping hand to finger herself. Not okay, and it is assault.
However, if the partner acknowledges what they did was wrong and that they needed to have a pre-established agreement first, and doesn't do it again, then I don't think it has to be a relationship ender.
Oh yeah for sure, while she was a kid she was always going to act out in this situation – it would be normal even if OPs ex didn’t stir the pot. But at 24 she either has to forgive her dad and move on with their relationship – and part of that would be at the very least not expecting him to drop plans around his baby – or cut him off. She can’t just dangle him on a rope and play the guilt card all the time. It mugs me off even more because it sounds like he has made an effort to be there for her!
What did he say when you discussed it with him?
They both were just fun people to party with, plus we have a lot in common with tv, music, etc. but I now realize that probably isn’t the only quality I should look for in a friend
Thanks. I’m honestly fine. Been a few hours now and I’m relaxing in bed watching TV. I’m loving the peace already haha