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  1. I don't know if I've expressed myself well. His flirtiness is mainly body language, it's extremely obvious because he's not at all subtle but it's innocent stuff and I've never seen him overstepping. The things I've reprimanded friends for are things like addressing him as “cutie” or “gorgeous” or very enthusiastically complimenting his appearance.

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  3. The more you focus on this issue, the worse it will become.

    You may have had an issue with PE a few times at some point when you were younger, but now you've diagnosed yourself and have declared it a lifelong issue.

    You have stated

    throughout my entire life I'm literally 'two pump chump'..

    Which may or may not be true.

    But what is true is that our thoughts, the words we say about/to ourselves and the images we make in our minds influence our reality.

    They become self-fulfilling prophecies.

    And in your case they are exacerbating this issue to the point where you are unable to last 1 minute.

    There are so many books and YT videos about the power of our thoughts and how we can use them to change our reality. I'd recommend Marisa Peer as a starting point for you to get some idea of the power of our minds.

    She teaches hypnotherapy techniques that can help – either by yourself or with a practitioner who can work with you to resolve the root cause of the issue. (I'm biased as I'm a practitioner but I also wouldn't recommend anything I don't wholeheartedly believe in).

    In the meantime, change the narrative. It's a bit 'fake it till you make it' initially but soon it won't be.

    Start by speaking kindly and positively to yourself.

    You don't have to believe it at first, but you say it anyway. The subconscious doesn't know the difference between positive or negative, a truth or a lie. It just takes it all in.

    The more powerful the statement and the more you say it, and picture it, the more it becomes a reality.

    Think about how you talk about your PE/ED issues – the emotion you attach to those words, the way it makes you feel, what you believe about yourself as a result. I'm sure it's very powerful and intense.

    Now use that to change your experiences.

    “I am/have xyz” (kinda like affirmations but it doesn't have to be spiritual).

    I have incredible sexual stamina I have unshakeable willpower I am able to enjoy sex for as long as I want I ejaculate at the moment when I choose I last 10 minutes during penetrative sex before ejaculating (change the number but don't go too high as that may be frustrating for you/your partner) I fully satisfy my sexual partner I ensure they achieve orgasm before I do I am a sexual athlete My willpower is like no other I focus on the moment, enjoying the feeling of sex, knowing I ejaculate when I choose And so on

    Say them over and over and over. Repetition is key.

    Always make the statements present tense, always make them positive, always make them about how you want to feel/be/what you want to do/have.

    Always make them powerful.

    Interrupt any negative thoughts the moment they arise, and say these positive statements daily.

    After a while, you'll start to feel differently, you won't have to force it as much, and you'll start to believe the things you're saying.

    And that's when the magic happens because your experiences will be different.

    It's psychology and the power of the mind. Our subconscious responds to the words we say and the images we present of ourselves.

    Change these and you'll change your experiences.

    It usually takes 21-28 days to really see change so start now and see where you're at by the end of January.

    Good luck!

  4. Dude. It does not sound like your wife cares about what you want at all. Looking at this and your last post, the NYC trip is just a symptom of a massive problem that is wearing you down, making you walk on eggshells, and making you into a supporting character in your own life.

    Tell her no to this “gift” and seriously reconsider this marriage. Staying with someone who thinks you are always wrong and they are always right is so incredibly toxic and corrosive. I stayed in a marriage like that for way too long and it completely wore down my sense of self. I made myself smaller and smaller to avoid conflict, but it didn’t work, it did not make them happy, it just made me miserable and insecure. Don’t subject yourself to years of this.

  5. The mental gymnastics of this is just too much.

    It would be so so so much easier to not do any step of this

  6. If you have a 3month old daughter, then problem solved.

    He can stay home and look after your daughter, you can go and use this as the excuse as to why he couldn't go.

    Problem (for now) solved.

  7. I told the ladies and their friends at about age 15 that I was there for them during a sleepover. Whatever it was, I would get them no questions asked. I told all of them that I couldn’t dictate how their folks dealt with things after the fact but I would always come get them. Told them how to find an address if at an unfamiliar home (look at the mail) or to put their location finder on so I could GPS to them. Told them how to turn down a guy and be safe.

    My mom was like that for me. I never actually needed her to do it but I always knew she was my backup if I got into a bad situation.

    To be honest, I’ve bailed out their friends more than them. They are lovely young ladies and are very responsible most of the time. Not gonna lie, didn’t like the spring break tattoos but….I have to act like an old lady about something, right? 😂

  8. If you’re not interested in dating, is it worth potentially compromising your friendship with a person you say you love? It would have been ideal to ask her how she felt about it prior to anything happening but that ship has sailed.

    I would tell her now though. regardless of if you want to continue things with this guy

  9. As a 44 year old woman – this is INCREDIBLY creepy, and if a friend of mine were saying ANY of this to my 18 year old child, I would be telling them to get the fuck out of my house.

    You need to stand up for yourself, since your mother apparently is unwilling to do so, and tell him to back off because it's not complimentary or positive, and that he is making you uncomfortable.

  10. You feel used because you are being used. This is one of those times when actions speak VERY loudly. Hear me again…you DESERVE BETTER than this. People can only use us…if we allow it. Stop letting him.

    The real truth, that is hard to hear sometimes…but I think you may be there is “we set the standard for the way people treat us.” Sadly, a lot of the time we were never given a great barometer for a healthy relationship so we set the standard, really fucking low. Don't do that anymore. Anyone who TRULY loved you, would NEVER make you feel the way you are feeling right now. They would do everything in their power to make sure you felt everything BUT lost.

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