We’d all be rightfully appalled if people were calling you selfish if you decided an abortion was the best option for you. So I don’t know why people think it’s okay to call you selfish and accuse you of baby trapping because you’ve decided abortion isn’t the right option for you. It’s your body.
I think letting him know as soon as possible is the best thing to do. You don’t have anything to feel bad about. He bears as much responsibility as you do. It takes two people to make a baby. As much as the situation sucks, you’ll both have to deal with the consequences of it, no matter what arrangement is decided on. It doesn’t sound like there’s bad blood between you two so I hope you can co-parent well together.
Perspective: unless he was thinking, “I wonder if this idiot is gonna follow me home and choke/murder me in the back of an alley bc I didn't stroke his ego”…. then maybe what we have here is a false equivalency comparison but idk?
It's ironic that SIL's insecurity leads to wife questioning herself. Both women end up broken. SIL needs to be cut off so hubby and wife can heal.
We’d all be rightfully appalled if people were calling you selfish if you decided an abortion was the best option for you. So I don’t know why people think it’s okay to call you selfish and accuse you of baby trapping because you’ve decided abortion isn’t the right option for you. It’s your body.
I think letting him know as soon as possible is the best thing to do. You don’t have anything to feel bad about. He bears as much responsibility as you do. It takes two people to make a baby. As much as the situation sucks, you’ll both have to deal with the consequences of it, no matter what arrangement is decided on. It doesn’t sound like there’s bad blood between you two so I hope you can co-parent well together.
Benefits outweighs the risk here, meaning you may end up together and can raise the child together. Go for it.
You’re being purposely obtuse
While you do need to address your incompatible values with your wife, the most important issue here is to protect your son’s mental health.
For that, Reddit isn’t enough, get a family therapist to guide all of you (this includes your wife and younger kids too).
Try not to argue in front of any of your kids, if you have something private to discuss then go for a walk/drive the two of you.
Is he here to stay for good? What kind of custody does his mother have? When you first found out how did your wife take it?
Perspective: unless he was thinking, “I wonder if this idiot is gonna follow me home and choke/murder me in the back of an alley bc I didn't stroke his ego”…. then maybe what we have here is a false equivalency comparison but idk?