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Date: November 5, 2022
Exactly, no is a complete sentence. In what world is this ok – honestly if someone asked me to get married in the eyes of a church I would probably blow up and refuse to be godparent for people like this. It’s a gross violation of boundaries.
These children seem to all be from his youth (donno how old he is but 15/16 is a while ago). People make stupid decisions when they are young and invincible. Not using a condom could easily be one when the effect that has creating a life isn’t “real” to a young person.
He is trying to do the right thing now and do the best he can to fix what his younger stupid self did. If he didn’t do this, would be be the man you love today?
Thank you so much for that I really appreciate it, you’re 100% right actually as much as it pains me
You’re at a crossroads – your husband isn’t just a bad father, he’s a terrible person. He is actually a mean bully – and if you think bullying at school is wrong, imagine how harmful it is to a child’s sense of safety, love and security to be the victim of bullying in their own home? Also, this will likely turn your favoured child into a mean bully too and sow life long animosity between the children. You don’t know how many lives you’re messing up if you just let this go.
Maybe your husband wasn’t raised right & has childhood trauma. Whatever the reason, he is now actively passing on his bad character/ behaviour to your children who are then more likely to traumatise their children and so on. Why would you stand by and let this happen?
You need to do something to protect your son. That’s not easy and I see the consequences of mothers taking themselves into complacency all the time (it’ll be alright… child seems to be OK… we have a good life otherwise..).
I would make a long term plan to leave (get your finances in order, think about how you can support yourself and whom you can rely on, thinking about whether you would be safe if you left etc. do not tell your husband & be strategic). It’s a last resort but not one that you cannot plan for.
In the short term you need to put your foot down and ask him to open his eyes and take responsibility for the whole child – not just the child’s appearance. That child has a mind that’s like a sponge, he has ideas, creativity, a soul, dreams and feelings that run deep. What your child looks like is the least important thing about your bond. It should be the same for your husband and if it’s not you can either explore with him why that is (alone or with a therapist) or else remove the child from this toxic atmosphere.
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I’m so tired of the idiots on this sub who don’t realize that life isn’t so black and white. Your wife exercised lots of bad judgment, but only you can decide what is best for you. If you want to forgive her and remain together, you should.
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That's what i thought too. He figured stuff out for himself and left me to figure the rest out by myself. Thanks for your input 🙂
It's always a shame to see people fight naked to make a fundamentally bad relationship work. What a tragedy. Even worse when this dragging of things out introduces children into the rotten relationship.
My eyes are starting to hurt from being tired. We have a guest room with a super uncomfortable couch bed but I’m almost the desperate. Snoring doesn’t bother me but you can hear it up stairs. Super loud.
Girl he literally told you that he will do it again!!! You’re an adult, he has zero right to do this. It’s very concerning that you don’t grasp how abusive this is . Not just “not okay”, abusive!!
Get out before you turns your life into hell, because make no mistake, he absolutely will. This is going to escalate.
Have you directly told her that her dismissive behavior towards your interests and achievements is hurtful? She may not be aware how much it affects you. That’s really all you can do, and if she doesn’t make an effort to change it, you will have your answer.
Loving partners are genuinely interested and supportive of each other. If you give her an open and honest wakeup call and she is still too self-absorbed to even listen to you talk about your day, it’s time to call it quits on this relationship and find someone who makes you feel happy and cared for.
I wonder if his younger children think it’s fair he helps pay her bills as a grown ass woman? Are we ignoring that? She’s enjoying the fruits of his labor by getting her damn rent paid. That’s a whole hell of a lot more than a trip to Disney. And rent comes due every month…
Nope. This ain’t it.
Thank you for writing this. I appreciate it! Very helpful in letting me see the situation from an outside perspective
During football season I rarely talk to my gf. Sunday is off limits for me. I’m bias but respect it his wishes my opinion . I’m also in the army also so I can relate
You don’t. This relationship is over, she is lazy, she might also be depressed, but as she is too lazy and too stubborn to take the help that has been offered, then she doesn’t get to use that as an excuse anymore.
Time to start taking a leaf out of her book, and putting yourself first.
So first – stop giving her any access to your money, she has proven that she is not apart of this relationship, so she doesn’t get to benefit from it. If you have to open a new account, get your money transferred into the new account.
Stop paying for anything that is in her name – car, phone, credit cards, etc. only exceptions are if you are co signed on them.
Don’t tell her how you know she is lying
Tell her that you can see from the state of the house that she hasn’t done anything.
Tell her that she refuses to get professional help, refuses to get a job, and is now refusing to help in the household chores.
Tell her that you will be filling for divorce, and she has until the paperwork arrives to find somewhere else to online, because if you have to do all the household chores as well as work, you are not going to do it for anyone other than yourself.
Honey that ain’t ever been his sister and never will be. You’re the place holder until Allie becomes available, and it looks like she did because he’s been cheating on you ever since.
Wake up and get out of this shitshow. You’re the third wheel in your own relationship
uh yeah shes got a major crush on him, friends dont jump on each other and tell each other theyre just pepper potts and tony stark, not knowing your bf, idk if hes the type to resist temptations but at 24, the odds are aganist him, its rare they can resist
This is an abusive dynamic and recommending couples counselling in abusive relationships is a big no no. Individual therapy, sure. But not in instances of DV, which this absolutely is.