Faith shouldn't be conflated with self-defeating commitment to someone who clearly was not faithful to you even after his second chance, nor should it be confused with trauma bonding which has a lot of potential to exist in this situation. So please be discerning about this.
And while some religions will try to shame the woman by pushing one-sided wedding vows, none of this situation is your fault and it's not wrong to respect yourself and your heart by turning him away especially when someone like him violates those boundaries, wedding vows, and betrays your trust repeatedly.
The shock of an affair and someone who wasn't honest enough to be transparent and come up with solutions in a way that included you as an equal early on when he started to realize he would consider infidelity can be traumatic for a lot of people.
I think you'd have to question both whether 1) you and that woman genuinely want to be in a relationship with each other in addition to whatever happens with your husband who cheated repeatedly on you 2) whether it's worth staying with a man who was so unwell that he not willing to take proactive responsibility for his own mental and relational/family health to the point of having an affair, getting found out, breaking his promises to you, and then trying to cover up his breach of agreements by suggesting that he wants to have both despite originally making a commitment in marriage to keep you as his top priority as a partner 3) and whether the situation has been any good for your mental health and heart so far
In my parent's experience, the man who straddled the fence was a narcissist who was unwilling to let go of his wife's financial benefits and labor but already chose to disrespect her long before declaring he wanted both his mistress and her every time he got caught. It was a miserable experience that she still suffers from due to how he ultimately declared a divorce that would essentially make her homeless due to costs of living in the region just as she was about to retire. And with children in the mix, they suffered for much of their lives too due to his petty behaviors, the suffering he caused to her that spilled over to them, and the neglect they experienced too.
So my advice is to leave. Find some survivors of infidelity support/12 step groups and join, plus good counseling for yourself.
Even though therapists can be really shitty and naked to access plus have a stigma for those in marginalized communities, if he really cared about your wellness he'd probably be going to individual therapy and couples therapy for marriage counseling or support groups with you (and probably even a 12 step program for intimacy avoidance for himself) while showing real measurable effort for how he's working on himself and working on being more considerate towards you too to figure out the basics of himself and his commitment with you.
Start calling several lawyers (in the US there's the super lawyer directory, just call five of the ones that seem like a fit regardless of your budget–the free consultation and learning how to interact with them plus what to expect with the general laws is worth the while and hire the best one you almost or maybe actually can't afford (especially if you're in a no fault divorce state, this means he'd need to give his half to you since you'd be low on financial assets) who is understanding and respectful to you.
So… putting his name on the mortgage is completely different from the birth certificate. There is nothing about the house that is inherently his. The child you have, if it is his, he is the father regardless. Not putting him on the birth certificate doesn't actually do anything of significance, because he can get a court ordered paternity test to establish parentage and exercise his parental rights.
But what I'm confused about is why you're calling him your boyfriend and not your ex, given these issues?
OP you are too young to be trapped in a relationship like this. These things seldom get better with time. There is someone out there better suited for you.
Everyone is jumping to child porn, but it sounds more like financial or drugs. Why would they cease an ENTIRE families devices for child porn? They wouldn’t!
Staying with him is excusing his behavior. He has faced no consequences for his actions. You constantly on-line with depression and anxiety FROM being with this person. This person you can’t trust. This person who your gut is screaming at you to leave and you ignore it, which causes even more anxiety and depression.
You cannot trust him. You want to but you can’t. You will forever be in this limbo of wanting to trust but being afraid of being hurt again— because …. YOU CANT TRUST HIM.
He is not being respectful to you! He threw you under the bus and made you look whiney and needy, when in fact he probably should not be trusted around her. Find a better man.
Okay well then maybe do something that is both routine and comforting?
Faith shouldn't be conflated with self-defeating commitment to someone who clearly was not faithful to you even after his second chance, nor should it be confused with trauma bonding which has a lot of potential to exist in this situation. So please be discerning about this.
And while some religions will try to shame the woman by pushing one-sided wedding vows, none of this situation is your fault and it's not wrong to respect yourself and your heart by turning him away especially when someone like him violates those boundaries, wedding vows, and betrays your trust repeatedly.
The shock of an affair and someone who wasn't honest enough to be transparent and come up with solutions in a way that included you as an equal early on when he started to realize he would consider infidelity can be traumatic for a lot of people.
I think you'd have to question both whether 1) you and that woman genuinely want to be in a relationship with each other in addition to whatever happens with your husband who cheated repeatedly on you 2) whether it's worth staying with a man who was so unwell that he not willing to take proactive responsibility for his own mental and relational/family health to the point of having an affair, getting found out, breaking his promises to you, and then trying to cover up his breach of agreements by suggesting that he wants to have both despite originally making a commitment in marriage to keep you as his top priority as a partner 3) and whether the situation has been any good for your mental health and heart so far
In my parent's experience, the man who straddled the fence was a narcissist who was unwilling to let go of his wife's financial benefits and labor but already chose to disrespect her long before declaring he wanted both his mistress and her every time he got caught. It was a miserable experience that she still suffers from due to how he ultimately declared a divorce that would essentially make her homeless due to costs of living in the region just as she was about to retire. And with children in the mix, they suffered for much of their lives too due to his petty behaviors, the suffering he caused to her that spilled over to them, and the neglect they experienced too.
So my advice is to leave. Find some survivors of infidelity support/12 step groups and join, plus good counseling for yourself.
Even though therapists can be really shitty and naked to access plus have a stigma for those in marginalized communities, if he really cared about your wellness he'd probably be going to individual therapy and couples therapy for marriage counseling or support groups with you (and probably even a 12 step program for intimacy avoidance for himself) while showing real measurable effort for how he's working on himself and working on being more considerate towards you too to figure out the basics of himself and his commitment with you.
Start calling several lawyers (in the US there's the super lawyer directory, just call five of the ones that seem like a fit regardless of your budget–the free consultation and learning how to interact with them plus what to expect with the general laws is worth the while and hire the best one you almost or maybe actually can't afford (especially if you're in a no fault divorce state, this means he'd need to give his half to you since you'd be low on financial assets) who is understanding and respectful to you.
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So… putting his name on the mortgage is completely different from the birth certificate. There is nothing about the house that is inherently his. The child you have, if it is his, he is the father regardless. Not putting him on the birth certificate doesn't actually do anything of significance, because he can get a court ordered paternity test to establish parentage and exercise his parental rights.
But what I'm confused about is why you're calling him your boyfriend and not your ex, given these issues?
Agree.
OP you are too young to be trapped in a relationship like this. These things seldom get better with time. There is someone out there better suited for you.
Everyone is jumping to child porn, but it sounds more like financial or drugs. Why would they cease an ENTIRE families devices for child porn? They wouldn’t!
you literally said you entertained it thought lololololol
She'll never know. Best replace the thoughts of him with other positive experiences.
Staying with him is excusing his behavior. He has faced no consequences for his actions. You constantly on-line with depression and anxiety FROM being with this person. This person you can’t trust. This person who your gut is screaming at you to leave and you ignore it, which causes even more anxiety and depression.
You cannot trust him. You want to but you can’t. You will forever be in this limbo of wanting to trust but being afraid of being hurt again— because …. YOU CANT TRUST HIM.
He is not being respectful to you! He threw you under the bus and made you look whiney and needy, when in fact he probably should not be trusted around her. Find a better man.