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Silix, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 31, 2022
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Yeah clearly most of these comments are coming from naive women…contrary to the popular reddit opinion, men and women can't be friends without one of them ever catching feelings for one another. This is so obvious it's a date.
There’s only 2 solutions: Move in together, or fiancée is going to have to get a handle on his abandonment issues so you can get home earlier
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You write very well and very clearly, so when you ask what to do, I don't think the issue is you not being sure how to approach this. I think the issue is you don't want to approach it, because you're scared where it will go.
I get this and most people over 25 do, as well. When he said he wants to marry you but he doesn't believe in marriage, this is completely nonsensical. But it was your chance to probe and push until you knew exactly where he stands. You weren't ready to hear the answer, so you didn't. Now you're reaching the point where the uncertainty is getting to you. This is so common!
What you need to do is set aside time for a serious, gut level honest convo about this. Do not even use the word proposal or wedding. That's not what this is about. Create an atmosphere where each can calmly state where they're at. For you, you need to bite the bullet and explain just like you did here that marriage is your goal in life. If he knows in his heart he never wants it, he owes you complete honesty here. If he thinks he might, but he's not ready, you need to probe why 6 years of dating hasn't given him what he needs to decide.
Again, all of this can be done without it turning into an argument or an ultimatum. You just have to force yourself to ask those very tough questions.
What about her brain cancer and lingering health effects? Do you think that might be a factor?
how did the conversation start? Were you complaining that you have a small ass? Or did he just say it out of nowhere?
Not everyone has “trendy” body parts. Is he supposed to pretend you've got a fat ass when you both know you don't? I really think it depends on how it was brought up and why. If you said “I hate how flat my ass is”, and he replied with that, then sure.
If you said, ” wow my ass looks great in these pants”, and he replied with that… that's a bit different. But it sounds more like a foot in mouth situation than an insult.
I have to say a couple of things before addressing the loneliness.
She does coke on weekends and I’m uncomfortable with that. She said she wasn’t sure if she wanted serious or not at the beginning
I am not sure what this has to do with anything other than to try and make her out to be a bad person to a bunch of strangers on the internet? If she always said she didn't want anything serious, then she hasn't done anything wrong and clearly you didn't have an issue with her coke use when you were seeing her so not sure why you suddenly feel like you can say it makes you uncomfortable now :S
Secondly, in regards to your housemate 'abandoning you for a new gf', it can be hot when our friends seem to disappear into a new relationship but it happens to most people at some point in their lives and this is not a personal attack.
I have been devastatingly lonely before and I understand that even the smallest things can feel like a targeted and personal attack at you when they aren't.
Why did you move to the new city? I understand that can be a big adjustment and it takes time to build a new life in a new place, but if you moved for work then focus on making friends or socialising with your new colleagues, if you moved for study then look at socialising that way, and if it is for neither of those reasons then I would recommend going to places or attending events that interest you/are hobbies you enjoy and meeting likeminded people in those places.
Being alone doesn't always equal loneliness and tbh my most lonely I have felt was not when I was alone but when I was surrounded by people I did not connect with in an authentic way. It can be very hot but it really does take making peace with who you are as a person and putting effort into building a life for yourself in this new place by finding spots you like by yourself, by joining groups or events and engaging with people.
Alternatively, if you really dislike the area you are in, is there any way you can move back to your former city?
Idk op, your partner straight up has told you she doesn’t believe you. That’s a nude thing to recover from. I would try one more conversation where you focus on how you feel, let her know how much this affects you and if she doesn’t have compassion for that get reallllly clear about what it looks like in a relationship to have to explain yourself constantly. Look, people who are good friends of people like this have their own issues, and those issues are starting to be on display
I did mention in the story that once she was done shaking and trembling that she became angry at the sister and was furious about having to confront her about it.
Maybe try recording him and showing your gf that if she doesn’t believe you because this for me is a dealbreaker and I wouldn’t take his shit. If my SO’s bff was this toxic towards me I’d consider ending the relationship and tell her sorry but your friend is an asshole and you do nothing to stop it.
Everytime i try to talk about the subject she reacts a bit angry coz she made up her mind. I know is unresolved on her but without trying to improve from this we wont know. I just wanted to try it now coz its easier instead of leaving and coming back a few weeks after none of us would suffer and my kid aswell
Call her on her bluff.