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Sophydiva, 25 y.o.
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Date: October 3, 2022
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You don't. You walk away. It's your dad for fuck's sake. Your bf is a piece of crap
Red flags galore. Run, don't walk away.
I guess I just feel like in this day and age sometimes people jump to suspicion really early when someone describes their partner hanging out solo with friends. I keep seeing a bunch of Instagram videos from guys saying “if your girlfriend is going on a girls' trip to Miami, you're single” as if it's inherently weird for guys or girls to go on vacations by themselves without a partner.
I don't think such a situation itself – traveling with buddies or friends without a partner – is weird. What can be weird is what happens on the trip, for sure. But at face value, I just plain don't understand why people have such a thing about friends' outings.
I do think social media and forums like Reddit can play a role just in general. I think being on a forum like this, where you're constantly presented with cheating scenarios because it's a relationship advice forum and hardly anyone who has a super happy, healthy relationship posts here, can instill some paranoia. If all you're reading is the shitty stuff, that's what comes to mind sometimes. Not saying OP is doing that; just a thing that probably happens to some people in general with social media.
As someone who's been cheated on, even though that was a couple years ago, I sometimes have to actively remind myself to separate my own resulting feelings from that situation from whatever relationship scenario I'm hearing or reading about.
I do think it's entirely reasonable for him to have a conversation about some aspects of this. No clue what their financial situation is, but I imagine clubbing every other week with a hotel could be a pretty big financial drain. And I don't blame him for wanting to spend more time with his wife on the weekends. Imo there should be a good balance between friends' time and spouse time.
Ask your bf is this is a pass for you to be nice with men flirting with you.
You can read. Don’t play dumb
If your family would cut your off, thinking that you are a liar, then it would still not be “because of you”, it would be “because of your aunt”. You have no fault in this.
Also I would hope that your mother keeps your wellbeing in mind and that, if you don't want the rest of your family to know, she will keep it to herself.
If you get a good therapist, you will be able to get over this. You will never forget it, but you will be able to move on. And yes, it sucks. You don't deserve this. You didn't do anything wrong. That's why it's so important to not let your abuser win and get help via therapy – and/or cut people siding with your aunt out of your life.
As someone who also had trauma therapy (was caught in a burning building, wasn't great), lemme tell you that there are many different forms of therapy and not everyone is a good fit with every form of therapy. It might require a bit of searching to find a therapist specializing in a form of therapy that helps. And the therapy itself is also rough – and, again, you don't deserve this. But every day you wait and don't get help is a day of your life wasted – a day your predator aunt stole from you. Don't let her steal your life.
One sad NYE when I was 25 I sobbed on the phone to my brother that I was single and never would find someone. I focused on my career too for a while. I also made good friends and had a reasonably fulfilling life for myself. When I was 28 I complained to my friend that I just couldn't meet anyone. She said, “The universe will keep sending you losers until you are finally ready.” I met my husband that night. We've been together for 23 years. Try not to focus on what you don't have and enjoy what good stuff you have in your life.