Next time when a potential partner tells you that you having children is a deal breaker, you back off and look for someone else. My father made that mistake once and now he barely gets his children to talk to him, and he even after he decided to come back home and patch things with my mother (his wife). Your children need a father as much as they need a mother.
Your current partner is manipulating you.
Previous partner of my father was manipulating him to get more of his money, because she also had children and grandchildren.
Hey, it sounds like your under a lot of stress and I'm sure that your brother will not hinge your entire relationship on this. It doesn't sound like he will.
I think you could use a little break from helping with your mum. You sound like a great person who's needs are unfortunately not often put first. It would be good for you to get some restbite from that paradigm, perhaps of you can't work you can volunteer locally for a few hours a week? That would build some confidence, get you out the house, and build some connections outosde the tight knit group you have.
Maybe you could talk to some local advise groups (in the UK it would or be the citizens advise bureau, not sure what it is in the US), who could help advise you on your benefits and help you get into work in a way that will be a financial benefit to your family. I think you deserve that and believe in you that you can! But definitely try the volunteering it might be a good start.
I learned very early in relationships, meaning about 40 years ago, to never say anything in anger that can't be taken back because you can also never undo the damage to trust and a relationship that it causes. It sounds to me like he hasn't learned that lesson at all. Even if something like that crossed my mind in anger, as a way to lash out and hurt an SO that I felt was hurting me, I'd NEVER say it. That's just nothing but emotional/psychological abuse.
Personally, if done to me, it would be the beginning of me finding an exit strategy from the relationship. My wife is 7 years younger than me, worked full time when we met… We met at work actually. After we'd been married a few years, and had a couple of kids, I got a job making really decent money, and told her that if she wanted to stay home with the kids, that was fine with me… It saved us a shitload of money on childcare which, by the time it was paid and everything that went along with her working, most of what she made was used to pay for all that. In the end, it was more financially sound for her to be a stay at home mom, than to continue to work, especially by the time our 4th kid came along. I never found anything embarrassing about her staying at home, and don't understand why anyone would with kids in the household. I really don't think that is an age difference things because I'm 26 years older than he is and don't feel that way. I did the stay at home dad thing once, when I was laid off for an extended amount of time, and it's very hot work – I was damned glad when it was time for me to return to work, other than the fact that I love my kids and enjoyed spending all the time with them… Just hated the cleaning and general chores of it.
I think you need to take serious stock in your relationship, but I think that you need to have a long, non-aggressive talk with him first to see if that's how he really feels, or if he was just lashing out from stress or whatever. If he was lashing out, then you need to have a serious talk about boundaries and positive communication in the relationship. Marriage counseling may be an option for the two of you as well.
I wish you luck. It's hard to have to make a decision whether or not to throw away a five year relationship. I've had to do it in the past and it sucks on so many levels. But, if you're taking care of the house and the children, when he isn't participating, then there is NOTHING embarrassing about what you're doing. The only person that SHOULD be embarrassed, is him for acting like a twat.
I don't have much to offer in terms of your specific question, but you should probably consider the idea that this might just be how his mind works and that you may never convince him to drop those theories. In my experience, people (especially his age) who are susceptible to that kind of conspiratorial/pseudoscientific stuff tend to fall for more than one theory. And that's because, at the end of the day, it's not that they're simply into this or that particular theory, but rather they're into everything that surrounds it: the feeling of knowing something everyone else is blind to, the way it allows them to reconcile other contradictory beliefs, etc.
Except if that were true then you wouldn't be having a conversation with him about it. What he actually means is that you aren't submitting to his decision (which he doesn't have the authority to make). Honestly this dude sounds controlling and misogynistic.
You’re 18. If he leaves you for someone else, it is not something you can control. So you should stop worrying about it. If he is doing things that make you uncomfortable. Then you should end things.
If I'm being truly honest, it sounds like she is beginning the process of grooming Emma. Too much communication, cyberstalking, the girl just happens to be at the cusp of 18, etc. Your partner also sets off some red flags research has identified to be correlated with grooming (gift giving is a major one for unrelated adults).
No point. You already know he lies, cheats and disrespects you. What more are you looking for?
Next time when a potential partner tells you that you having children is a deal breaker, you back off and look for someone else. My father made that mistake once and now he barely gets his children to talk to him, and he even after he decided to come back home and patch things with my mother (his wife). Your children need a father as much as they need a mother.
Your current partner is manipulating you.
Previous partner of my father was manipulating him to get more of his money, because she also had children and grandchildren.
Hey, it sounds like your under a lot of stress and I'm sure that your brother will not hinge your entire relationship on this. It doesn't sound like he will.
I think you could use a little break from helping with your mum. You sound like a great person who's needs are unfortunately not often put first. It would be good for you to get some restbite from that paradigm, perhaps of you can't work you can volunteer locally for a few hours a week? That would build some confidence, get you out the house, and build some connections outosde the tight knit group you have.
Maybe you could talk to some local advise groups (in the UK it would or be the citizens advise bureau, not sure what it is in the US), who could help advise you on your benefits and help you get into work in a way that will be a financial benefit to your family. I think you deserve that and believe in you that you can! But definitely try the volunteering it might be a good start.
I learned very early in relationships, meaning about 40 years ago, to never say anything in anger that can't be taken back because you can also never undo the damage to trust and a relationship that it causes. It sounds to me like he hasn't learned that lesson at all. Even if something like that crossed my mind in anger, as a way to lash out and hurt an SO that I felt was hurting me, I'd NEVER say it. That's just nothing but emotional/psychological abuse.
Personally, if done to me, it would be the beginning of me finding an exit strategy from the relationship. My wife is 7 years younger than me, worked full time when we met… We met at work actually. After we'd been married a few years, and had a couple of kids, I got a job making really decent money, and told her that if she wanted to stay home with the kids, that was fine with me… It saved us a shitload of money on childcare which, by the time it was paid and everything that went along with her working, most of what she made was used to pay for all that. In the end, it was more financially sound for her to be a stay at home mom, than to continue to work, especially by the time our 4th kid came along. I never found anything embarrassing about her staying at home, and don't understand why anyone would with kids in the household. I really don't think that is an age difference things because I'm 26 years older than he is and don't feel that way. I did the stay at home dad thing once, when I was laid off for an extended amount of time, and it's very hot work – I was damned glad when it was time for me to return to work, other than the fact that I love my kids and enjoyed spending all the time with them… Just hated the cleaning and general chores of it.
I think you need to take serious stock in your relationship, but I think that you need to have a long, non-aggressive talk with him first to see if that's how he really feels, or if he was just lashing out from stress or whatever. If he was lashing out, then you need to have a serious talk about boundaries and positive communication in the relationship. Marriage counseling may be an option for the two of you as well.
I wish you luck. It's hard to have to make a decision whether or not to throw away a five year relationship. I've had to do it in the past and it sucks on so many levels. But, if you're taking care of the house and the children, when he isn't participating, then there is NOTHING embarrassing about what you're doing. The only person that SHOULD be embarrassed, is him for acting like a twat.
Idk man maybe you shouldn't have gone after an 18-year-old at 26. You were the age she is NOW when you MET her.
Her brain is finally fully developed and she probably now realizes how weird it is that you went after someone that young.
I don't have much to offer in terms of your specific question, but you should probably consider the idea that this might just be how his mind works and that you may never convince him to drop those theories. In my experience, people (especially his age) who are susceptible to that kind of conspiratorial/pseudoscientific stuff tend to fall for more than one theory. And that's because, at the end of the day, it's not that they're simply into this or that particular theory, but rather they're into everything that surrounds it: the feeling of knowing something everyone else is blind to, the way it allows them to reconcile other contradictory beliefs, etc.
No, it's fine. It's renovated /s. Also, why are all the listings so sketchy about the square footage and just information in general?? Jesus.
don’t feel pressured into being the “cool” girlfriend because anyone would be sussed out by this too
Except if that were true then you wouldn't be having a conversation with him about it. What he actually means is that you aren't submitting to his decision (which he doesn't have the authority to make). Honestly this dude sounds controlling and misogynistic.
You’re 18. If he leaves you for someone else, it is not something you can control. So you should stop worrying about it. If he is doing things that make you uncomfortable. Then you should end things.
If I'm being truly honest, it sounds like she is beginning the process of grooming Emma. Too much communication, cyberstalking, the girl just happens to be at the cusp of 18, etc. Your partner also sets off some red flags research has identified to be correlated with grooming (gift giving is a major one for unrelated adults).