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Date: October 3, 2022
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If they are so wealthy ask them to pay for it. I have no pride. I would say “since I'm a nurse and yall are doctors you can cover this $335 for me, k thnx bye” if you are not like me and you actually have dignity then just tell them you cant go.
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Op I get you feeling aggravated. But you’re gonna have to start thinking like a single parent now. It’s very clear in your post that he does not want this child in these circumstances. It takes two to tango, but you need to start navigating as if you’re going to be a single mom. Start getting things set for yourself to protect yourself. This relationship is bad and you shouldn’t raise a child in this circumstance. Do you want your kid to see these actions as loving. I wish you luck but it sounds like you need to stop trying to make it work with this guy and start planning to put your child first.
That’s the thing. I know how much I learned from this, even though it’s stupid to HAVE to learn from it, but I did. I know I can commit to her now and I want to, since I’ve realized that sleeping around isn’t something I enjoy or need.
I think it depends on how likely he is to forget the information at this stage in his disease. My grandmother had dementia and would ask frequently about her husband and relatives, who had all predeceased her by several decades.
At the time the medical community suggested telling them the truth. However I can tell you that it just made her frequently upset.
I believe the current thinking is to just let them lead the conversation and let them come to their own conclusions. Ex: ‘wheres’s John?’ ‘Well, it’s Tuesday, where do you think he is?’ ‘Oh he’s at work.’
That’s kind of thing.
This is new-ish, normally he’d just tell me straight up but not in a constructive way, I will accept when I’ve done something genuinely wrong but I will stand up for myself if I think he’s stepping out of line/speaking to me like shit.
Seeing downvotes to this comment is just brutal. I don't see why people have to be so harsh on a viewpoint where there is truly no good choice. I'm betting on：
The amount of guilt and anger he has must be insane.
as the statement that got people disagreeing because they feel this is “excusing” his behavior.
However, in case it was the discussion you had with your husband, I had a similar style discussion and the result was similar to yours, that I would choose my wife. Perhaps people consider the idea that a husband could hold resentment toward the child as appalling, but I would be happy to challenge that and ask them the following: If you and your wife are in an amazing relationship and decide to have a child as a result, and that choice you made together results in the production of a child at the result of killing your wife, how can you not regret that decision that you made with your wife? That child will always be a reminder of that decision and I am sure I would find myself regretting that decision.
A friend of mine recently told me a story about his own situation, although it sounds like they were not afforded the choice and I have no clue the validity of what was told vs reality, but suffice to say, his mother died giving birth to his brother with more than a 15 year age gap. His brother also suffered a seizure at birth. I do not believe there was any choice presented and there is a question about whether the birth was handled correctly in general. This was in China. However, as a result of this experience, he and his fiance have simple agreed to avoid having a child in China at all costs. I believe this means getting an early abortion if she were to get pregnant (another controversial issue that I am not really trying to get into at the moment). The point is I asked him if he thinks that's actually what his mother would have wanted or if they are letting that experience dictate their choices in a way that his mother would not want. I don't think he knows the answer to that, and I think he would prefer to avoid that difficult question in favor of emigrating and later having a child.
In a sense, I think his coping mechanism is to leave China. We can definitely argue that is a better coping mechanism than the husband that lashed out in anger at his wife. However, the experiences were obviously different, and the ability to shift blame is different as well. It's far easier when you can blame a system that you can potentially leave, and maybe that system actually took that choice away from the parents, guaranteeing the mother's death. Maybe that seizure was inevitable in such a situation of saving the child as well, I genuinely have no clue.
However, the trauma with my friend lives on in him, even though he was somewhat removed. The trauma with OP and her husband also lives on. I do investing in the stock market and even when I can make a profit, sometimes looking back at when I bought or sold something can start to eat away at me and I can think that was a bad choice with 20/20 hindsight. However, every choice being made, whether it was by the (potential) father, a doctor, or investor, the truth is we made those choices when we did, in the moment, with the information and emotions we had at the time influencing our decisions. They are done. We cannot take them back. We can move forward and hopefully make better choices in the future, but if we let every bad choice ruin us, there's no point in going on. So all we can do is remember our choices and try to think about the ones we “regret” and ensure we do not make those same “mistakes” in the future, but otherwise keep improving with that new information.