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Date: October 4, 2022
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The thing here is that there is absolutely no point at all in you trying to get your boyfriend to understand where you are coming from simply because he isn’t the one with the problem.
You see all that shit that you have to go through as a aircraft maintenance person and those gruelling 12 hour shifts of you (in your own words from your own post) “I am up all day doing maintenance” and “he doesn’t have to deal with half the bullshit you have to”….what like lose a wrench or a spanner?
You can talk as much as you like that you can be deployed anywhere in the world into armed conflict areas and what you might see but right about now your on dry fricking land and the closest thing you have been to any kind of conflict is with your own partner which you are causing.
As a paramedic he will have already seen enough dead bodies, given hours of CPR on loads of people who have not come back to life, some have but he lost them after and he has saved lives, lost limbs, gunshot and knife wounds the whole lot and all he has asked of you is to see you a little bit more clearly because he needs to offload everything he is seeing and dealing with every day as a paramedic, he is asking you for some support…you know like the support that he gave you to get where you currently are as you said he did in your post, he had even indicated how bad it is and that he is struggling by telling you that he can’t sleep and had nightmares and because you have not supported him and bounced him off he has, like many do, turned to drink/alcohol to blank it out and get some sort of momentary release and in doing that he had spent his whole month wages/income and you are pissed at him? When if you were there for him he wouldn’t have turned to drink and spent his whole wages and the biggest insult is you saying that he needs to man up?
Currently my opinion is that he will be more of a man than that skinhead prick you mentioned that you might go with
Oh! Just one more thing, if you do ever get deployed somewhere else in the world into armed conflict as a aircraft maintenance person, just remember that he will still be attending car crashes, gunshot victims, suicides seeing gruesome things day in day out and dead people day in day out whilst you are deployed 2000 miles away from any armed conflict or the sound of a gun or MGL or RPG in the basement of an aircraft carrier or NATO airbase still looking for the wrench and spanner that I said that you lost earlier
What an absolute weapon you are, you should be the one to MAN UP here and end it with him now for his sake not yours
I’m pretty sure this is a repost and the first time she made it sound way worse
As a fellow BPD friend, here's what I wish someone had told me:
No one is perfect. When your partner makes a mistake, you forgive them and show compassion. But when you make mistakes, do you show yourself that same compassion and forgiveness? You are not a problem. You have problems, but you are more than your flaws. You have problems, but you can work on them. You have problems, but they are not perminent and they don't to define who you are. When you mentally abuse yourself, that cycle perpetuates and can project onto your current relationship.
The biggest issue I had was not understanding that I was loved. For decades, I was told I was unlovable and unworthy of basic respect, to the point where I believed I was a lesser person and didn't allow myself any privileges. I would date guys who treated me poorly because I felt I didn't deserve better, and because dating people who treated me kindly made me uncomfortable. I couldn't understand what they Wanted from me, why they were being so nice when I didn't have anything to offer. I hated myself, so I believed they hated me. I viewed all their kindness and love with a cocky sort of “yeah, okay, surreee you do.” The worst was when I would pick fights because I felt like I was walking on eggshells when things were too peaceful. Either there had to be SOMETHING they had against me, or they were lying (obviously.. the answer was neither.) I would make up these wild assumptions about them based on how they said hello to me in the morning and turn it into a week long miscommunication, ending on a hours long panic attack and defeated apologies. Defeated because I could see their exhaustion. Defeated because I couldn't find any fault with them. Defeated because they never had any issues to begin with and I had let my mental illness inhibit my ability to think critically.
Do you know what made my BPD worse during thoes times? I would berate myself endlessly and cause my mental health to dive even further. The time and space I needed to heal from days of endless torture never stopped because I wouldn't let them. I would echo every nasty thing my parents ever told me as a reminder of what I really was: a worthless, stupid, waste of time, the kind of girl that no one liked and no one wanted. Had I given myself the grace in my head to forgive myself and allow room for peace, had I shown myself the love and kindness I deserved, my whole world would have been different.
Tldr; be nicer to yourself. You should hold yourself accountable for your actions, but more importantly learn to forgive yourself. Idk if this helps but I hope it does.
Here’s the deal; you can’t demand she doesn’t go out with her friends. Maybe you didn’t, but you said you didn’t like it so I imagine you either said as much or got angry and treated her accordingly. That’s you being insecure.
The mom thing is fine. You logically should just let her enjoy time with her family, but it would be dishonest to suggest that she couldn’t have reached out to you at all. I highly doubt she wasn’t on her phone the entire weekend.
I’d like to know what you did or said regarding her going out. It seems like everything after that was a result of it but you’ll have to let us know.
Yeah, birth control takes a toll, horrible toll on our bodies. But she should be talking to her doctor about all this and getting on different birth control. I had to stop taking birth control pills, because of the kind of migraines that I had, but the IUD that I had worked great.