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Date: October 4, 2022
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Saying “well if you're sure they aren't from the laundromat maybe they belong to BIL” isn't lying ffs.
OP is an idiot for be so adamant that the boxers aren't from a laundromat in the first place.
He is NOT yours. He never will be. You're not going to get back what you had with him because:
A. He will no longer be alone with you (right so) B. He and Shay won't trust you around him C. Things that seemed innocent to him at the time won't be now D. you will have had, for all this time, a little fantasy going on in your head of what if, and that bubble has burst.
What did you expect to happen? Clearly you expected a better outcome than this, which is immediately disrespectful to Shay and to their marriage. They will feel like you misrepresented yourself to stay close to him, and you probably did.
What can you do? If you're determined to stay friends, and only friends, agree to their terms and work with everything inside you to get over him and be a good friend to both.
But if you can't, or don't want to, do that – cut ties. It will hurt, but you're the one who's spent years on the outside of the marriage with feelings that would affect it.
Unrequited love sucks, but it's not an excuse to do dirty on friends.
Please refrain from commenting unless helping guy
First off, she needs to watch herself drunk, so maybe don't encourage the drinking. I'd also talk with her when she's sober and tell her you think it is important she is careful who she tells that to. Unfortunately, at 94 some dementia (looking back and talking about the past with lowered inhibitions) can also be at play.
I would not bring it up to your father. It's his trauma and he has the right to disclose it to people when and if he wants, and he likely doesn't want to. One thing spending a chunk of your life drunk can do is muddy memories up. This is probably one he has no interest in revisiting with you.
Sorry you had to learn this. The best thing you can do with the information is allow yourself to have compassion for who your dad was when he was a kid, and then leave it at that.
Thank you ❣️
I’m very sad and bummed out and embarrassed.
You should be. Not because of dating a nice and kind man you like and are attracted to, but because you're 41 years old letting your 'friend' mean-girl you out of having a decent man. WTF!
I teach teenagers, mostly seniors, and they'll clown each other for trying to do this, they'll tell the mean girl to quit talking about guys like she's a freshman. If girls not even out of high school yet know better, why don't you???
Your friend is jealous. JEALOUS. And her daughter is a mean-girl brat too. Tell her to STFU and if you decide to keep her as a 'friend' watch your back, because I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to make a move on him.
“Whether my intention was to get to know her in a dating capacity… She initiated handholding, and couldn’t keep her hands to herself… She invited me over to her place to watch a movie”
Were you waiting for a formal invitation?
OP I say this gently, you have no game:
You made it seriously awkward from the start.
You don’t speak in the language of relationships and intimacy.
You missed her ‘not so subtle’ overtures.
You made ‘true confessions’ of emotions, lack of experience and insecurities.
All made worse by the issues with intimacy.
Neediness is not attractive, OP.