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This is simple. You choose your husband. You have a nice family Christmas with your husband and kids. You stop attempting to placate your Dad or other family.
You really need to learn the marriage rule. No one is more important than your spouse, except your kids. That's it. Parents come second. And it's your job to tell your Dad that your family is more important than his stubbornness.
If you don't stand up for your family, I can promise you it will shrivel and die.
she doesn't need a reason for not wanting kids, but she does need a reason for wanting to stop having sex in a years long relationship. without the childhood trauma part it seems like a bit of an overreaction
Have you communicated any of this to her? Something like “I feel hurt when you hang up on me. It makes me feel like you dont value my feelings. If you need space, could you please just say that instead of abruptly cutting me off?” Now on the other side of this, you have to be communicating yourself calmly. If you freak out and are yelling at her, she has every right to hang up on you and wait until you've calmed down and reach out to her.
I would suggest looking into nonviolent communication for help on becoming a better communicator/handling conflicts.
As to her not wanting to cuddle when she's upset, well, thats pretty normal for a lot of ppl. It can feel really wrong to share physical intimacy when you're upset. Thats a boundary that should be respected.
Accidentally let it slip that she's talking to her friend. If everyone let's her know how much damage is being done she'll figure it out.
You leave him
First, he cheated on you which makes him a scum bag and you should absolutely get tested for std’s because that certainly wasn’t his first time having sex outside your relationship
Second, even if he wasn’t a cheating piece of garbage, he will never love you or be attracted to you in the same way you love and are attracted to him. You deserve to be loved and cared for with the same energy that you want to give and you are the wrong gender for him. Nothing you can do to change that
This is very similar to a post from earlier today that runs along the exact same path. “New” guy says something inappropriate to a woman who told him she's in a relationship. Invites her on a vacation and she says yes because “nothing will happen.” I do believe I smell a rat. A karma rat.
Wow they did this all in front of his daughter?
Marriage counseling should be a priority, if you can do it. Beyond that, open up to her about your thoughts just as you did here and why you want to keep some things private. Remind her that you both had a big fight previously about this and agreed to not look through each other phones. Ask her what exactly changed. Is there anything you can do or explain that would make her feel more comfortable? Is there a recent change in behavior of yours or something of that nature that's been bothering her? Are there some actions that you both agree to (so not combing through your phone) that would make her feel more comfortable?