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Original post here, I also updated that one too.
It's been an exhausting week, both at home and work. Basically, we're not engaged anymore, he moving back to his parents, and our relationship is over while he works on for himself. He wasn't cheating nor was there a secret baby on the side. Half a yes to him having second thoughts, half yes to him being influenced by family and friends. I won't go too much into the details, just that his uncle's family were always awful to him, they were always the go-to babysitters, and he has trouble standing up to that generation of his family, he's impressionable, and he has trouble separating fact from fiction because of that and them. Another factor is that one of his formerly child-free friends announced his wife's pregnant during New Years, and he's been excited about it. My ex-fiance's wondering if he'd change his mind, especially since his parents do want to have grandchildren and have been asking if we're going to wait before having them. After dogsitting for his uncle, apparently all that combined in his mind that I changed my mind and I'd surprise him about it. Which is the core of the matter for me. Whether he forgot I had my tubes tied doesn't matter. He was projecting his fears, anxiety, and trauma onto me and punishing me for something that I didn't even do or say, and then made me out to be a deceptive partner because of that projection. He stopped trusting me because he was afraid of what the warped version he built up in his mind might do. That wasn't okay, and that's why I ended it. He's been moving his stuff out all week and he told me he's going back into therapy. His parents will be there to help him, and they separately apologized to me; they had no idea how bad his anxiety is. I'll be there to support him as a friend and I've been trying to say that it's on pause, but typing this out also makes me realize that no matter what, I wouldn't be able to win against those fears, nor can I trust him to ever really fully trust me against them. Assuming he ever did.
Thanks for your input, Reddit. Some of the thoughts did help me steer the conversation, but ultimately it still boiled down to a broken trust and I don't think we're coming back from that.