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I want to start by thanking those who were so kind, your words of encouragement and advice were greatly appreciated. Here is my update:
Apparently, after I left my husband’s house my MIL, BIL, and SIL accused me of cheating. I’d already begun speaking with a lawyer after Owen refused to tell the truth to his family but knowing he let them tell other people I cheated is like getting punched in the chest. I’m now renting a nice two-bedroom apartment; my siblings and their partners have helped me furnish it and my top priority is ensuring my baby has everything she needs. Currently, I’m working to create a cozy nursery for her and hiring a nanny. Facing the end of my marriage is terrifying but I’m learning to accept my new reality.
When I notified Owen I was going to file for divorce he started calling and messaging nonstop. His messages range from begging me to come home, telling me he will tell the truth and get therapy again, begging to see our baby, and then threatening to drag me home. I told him the divorce was happening whether he liked it or not because he failed as a husband and failed even worse as a parent. He then sent photos and videos of my things in the garbage and him and my BIL trashing the nursery. His exact words, “I don’t need it anymore.” In the most disturbing video, he threw our baby’s car seat in a dumpster. I do not recognize him or his behavior anymore. He claims to miss his daughter and me but is trying to make his behavior my fault for not doing what I’m told. This is not the man I agreed to marry. The man I married was smart, kind, gentle, thoughtful, and funny but this vileness from him was waiting for me the moment I didn’t obey and take the disrespect from his family to save him from the humiliation of his infertility. Before the fallout with his mother, he was nothing like this. It's certainly NOT an excuse but I believe it all centered on him feeling emasculated and humiliated by his family. I just can’t believe he couldn’t at least stand up to his family for me and our baby, the one he said he would die for.
I am not blocking Owen as my lawyer said to email everything he says to me to him but the constant threatening messages make me scared to leave my home. Owen knows where I work and has repeatedly told me he will drag us back if that’s what it takes and that I'm making him do this. My lawyer and I are working on a restraining order, but every woman who was attacked by her ex-husband knows restraining orders don’t keep you safe.
However, things took a turn when my FIL showed up on my parent’s doorstep, and it's the reason I decided to update. My FIL asked to speak with me. My parents told him they would call me and ask but if I said no then that was final and he would not be welcomed back. I only agreed to speak to FIL because he told my parents he was there to apologize for his family and set the record straight. My dad called me as my FIL was blocked from calling me and when I picked up my FIL immediately apologized for his wife’s behavior he wanted to hear my side of the story as he did not believe I cheated. I thanked him (I was never close to FIL but we've always been civil) and let him know of course I did not cheat. I told him of his son’s infertility and that Owen proposed we get a donor. I told him very clearly it was his son’s decision, and that because my FIL and his family put blood as the only valid form of family my husband made me lie so our child would be treated equally.
After I finished My FIL seemed stunned, he was quiet for a while then asked if his wife and son could come over and see my daughter in person as they missed us and were ready to be a family again but I told him no. FIL then asked if there was anything Owen could do to fix the marriage and I again told him no. FIL tried to say I was being unfair but my dad stepped in and said FIL was overstaying his welcome. Before I hung up I told FIL that his son was sending me abusive messages daily and if he truly was sorry then he should make his son stop. Then I hung up.
My parents said my FIL was irritated that I did not respectfully say goodbye or give Owen a chance to save his marriage but left with little fuss after my parents laid into him about raising his swine of a son to threaten his wife and child. Telling his father must have worked because I haven't gotten a single message from Owen since then. I do not want anything from my STBX, not child support, not alimony, not the house, or any of his other assets. I just need him to agree to the divorce and give up his parental rights so my little girl can grow up with a family who loves her unconditionally. I have a good degree and a great job, my child and I will be fine without him. Owen’s lawyer has made it clear they’re going to fight us for full custody and my STBX has significantly more money than me but my lawyer is confident in our case and I trust them.
Today my MIL has been trying to contact me as she wants to be in my daughter’s life and is saying she is ready to accept her “as she is.” As if my daughter NEEDS to be accepted by her, if it’s up to me their whole family will never see us again.