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Throwaway because wife sometimes uses Reddit. All details are accurate but ages have been fudged a little bit.
I (28M) have been married to my wife (28F) for 5 years, together 8. 3 years ago we moved to a new town and I started a new job. At this job I met a girl (36F) who I really clicked with. We don't share very many common interests, but can talk for hours because we have a very similar way of thinking. We became friends and have been such for the last 3 years.
Recently we got a long lunch at work and went to a nearby museum. During this time my wife tried to call me because of some problem with our bank but I didn't hear it (my phone was in silent), so she checked my location (we share location history) and was surprised that I was not near my office. When I called her later she asked me why I was not near my office. I said I got lunch there, but didn't mention I was with my friend or that we went to a museum. Later that day she asked me again and I told her the whole story and apologised for lying about it.
Many conversations later (and after much anxiety and pain) she is insisting that I cut off all contact with my friend and find other friends because of “emotional creating”. I agreed that I probably do talk to her a bit too often and should pull back a little but don't want to cut her off completely. Where do we go from here?
Some context: – my friend and I hang out relatively frequently (say lunch 1-ish times per week and a museum-like trip once every few weeks). – we typically only hang out around work hours (we sometimes hang out on the weekend but usually with our families). – we typically text every day (this is what I was thinking of cutting down on) – we have never done anything physical except hugging when greeting/saying goodbye – I really, really struggle to make friends (apart from my wife this is the first real friend I feel I've ever had), so having to lose her is devastating – I lied because I was afraid of what my wife would say; we have had many issues throughout our relationship of me leaving it details because I don't want to justify them (things like what food I eat, what games I play etc). There are a lot of complicated reasons for this but long story short I'm a coward and she's very strong willed so if she disagrees with something I do I will very likely cave and not do it again (even if I love it). This is something we are actively working on. – our relationship has always been a bit rocky, very anxious-avoidant. It's something we're working on, but recently (because of lack of time due to kids) we feel our connection has gotten weaker.
Your boyfriend knows what happened to you, the trauma, and he wants to rub it in your face then suggest you are less than him because of your trauma. He may have mercy for strangers but for you he has only vitriol and contempt. Dump his ass to the curb. He can go walk down interstate 70.
The studies thing is that I have more things to do atm than her – I added an edit, but what I meant was that she has a lot of free time because she is ahead of schedule.
As for the sex part – she is not meeting me halfway as in she doesn't do what I want her to do and I do everything she wants me to do, but at the same time my 23 yo brain hears “sex” and forgets all that…
This OP. Because your girlfriend wants to lose weight or feel more self assured on a beach doesn’t mean she will cheat. She expressed she was feeling insecure about being in a swimsuit and away from her family on vacation for the first time. And you made it about you.