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Date: October 18, 2022
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Grief is a….. funny thing. It sounds like you did your best in a new relationship and he’s probably still very much in the thick of grieving. I’m in the same boat as your bf as I lost a parent not long ago. I think if you really like him this requires a more thorough conversation between you two. Just speaking on how I handle grief, sometimes I get frustrated at my bf because I’m so overwhelmed with emotions that it all comes out in ways that I don’t mean it to. We’re all human after all.
Grief is so, so lonely. AND he should speak to a professional about his feelings. He’s got a lot to unpack if he’s holding ‘resentment’, so to speak, about how he handled the situation with you. He likely wanted comfort but wasn’t getting it, because again, grief is the loneliest thing. It’s not your fault, op. I hope you two can work this out with some communication.
I think you're panicking too very hot. Calm down and relax. Things come up in life, and sometimes people distant themselves a little from people. It's just one hangout. Check up on him to see if there is anything affecting him lately.
Fair— Thanks for your input.
Next time she vents to you, just say “That's shitty.” and walk away. She berates, you say “Do better then.” Husband's aren't a punching bag us wives get to use. Point blank period.
Man hears two women laughing and instantly thinks they are laughing about him. Since it’s a spicy topic he assumes you’re laughing about his ….package, ability to perform in hypothetical 3some, or even more likely doesn’t even know what exactly but you’re both definitely laughing at him!
Well, you ignored all of the massive red flags because he was “nice” and now you are facing the consequences of your own actions.
If you stay with him, you will be taking care of him forever. Is that what you want?
The things she said in describing those photos to you were aggressively bizarre. I would never, ever show my potential or actual SO photos and point out who I’d had sex with or who I wanted to have sex with. That she did this is borderline cruel. You’ve been dating for a few years? I simply cannot imagine why she said any of that to you. Trying to make you feel insecure or jealous? Whatever it was, it was decidedly unkind.
If you’ve been dating a long time, you know her. Maybe she was just talking & wasn’t thinking – she was talking to you like you were one of her female friends instead of her bf. Or maybe she was playing “mean girl” games with you.
If it ever happens again, it’s more than fair for you to say “please don’t tell me about sex you had with other guys. I don’t want to hear about it.” She’ll push back with something about you being so insecure or she shouldn’t have to monitor what she says around you, and you’re allowed to hold firm. “I love everything about you, but I don’t want to imagine you with other men. If you think that makes me insecure, fine. I don’t need or want to know anything about your sex life before me.”
This has nothing to do with her being your “first” and everything to do with you being a regular human person.
I didnt say she wasnt.