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1. So she does as she pleases no explanations. Wow you must be a nice door mat

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2. Well honestly, you probably need therapy. Do I think it’s cool to lie to your partner? No. But if he was a past smoker and you “forbid” it, you’re not exactly setting yourself up for success. People don’t want their partners to police them and will lie. Children do the same thing. Not that he shouldn’t act more grown but it literally what happens when you pin people in a corner.

   If infidelity was his issue I would tell you that he is going to do it again and be sneaky again. If smoking is his issue, he’s going to lie to you about it. If smoking is dealbreaker, break up with him because he might struggle much longer than you care to deal with.

   Basically, trying to force anyone to do anything is a pretty useless tactic. You have to love people despite their flaws. If you want total honesty, you have to accept those flaws as well. You dont get to set up rules and be mad they aren’t directly followed. They have to want to follow them on their own. Healthy relationship are not built on control but rather mutual agreement.

   As for you blowing up about smaller lies, that’s a big issue. You’re projecting past relationships onto the current one which is actually pretty unfair to your partner. Down the road, he could possibly tell you something accidentally not knowing it is a lie and you perceive it as a intentional one, and suddenly your going off the rails rather than hearing them out. Thats not healthy for you or him. I would highly suggest you get some help for yourself so you don’t ruin every relationship you ever have. But again, thats up to you, entirely.

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3. You’re allowed to listen to your primal lizard brain. It exists for a reason! It’s primary function is to let us know when something is not good or uncomfortable in some way. It’s kind of upsetting to me that you have brought these feelings up to your husband and he only says “I’ll stop if you ask”. You bringing the feelings up to him IS asking, even if you don’t use those specific words! Your husband knows you well enough to read between the lines. Something should be clicking for him when you keep bringing up that you’re uncomfortable. He should want that uncomfortable feeling to stop for you and he knows the way to do that is to discontinue his behavior. You need to ask yourself why he won’t

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4. No, there’s no reason she would have needed to or been reasonably expected to do so.

   If you and your so called friend have been distant for years then that’s even more of a reason why it wouldn’t matter to tell you.

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5. Catalog EVERYTHING. Note times and dates that you were assaulted physically, or were in fear of being assaulted; catalog all hospital visits and any police reports. If you haven’t contacted police, do that NOW. Police may be able to press charges (very probable). Even if they can help you, get a copy of your report and contacts your local courts, the police may help you with this, but the courts will help you get a 1 year domestic violence protective order (DVPO) this has conditions not to contact you directly or indirectly in ANY way. Once you’ve done this, catalog any other calls or texts or emails or friends he sends to you, and contact the police again; they will screen charges for VCOR if arrested for assault on you, or violation of DV order if that’s the route you go. Either way, once you’ve done these steps, him contacting you in ANY WAY AT ALL is a felony. Good luck, please PM me if you have any further questions, I’d be thrilled to help you in this very scary part of your life with whatever you need.

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6. You’re the side piece

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7. Look I think it’s crazy to do a trip with 30-50 people with zero planning. No one is going to coordinate meals? Just dozens of people cooking their own? Does everyone really need to bring their full camping accoutrements? There’s nothing you don’t need 30+ duplicates of? It all just seems like chaos and a crowded campsite with all the duplicates, but it’s not your party. So online and let go and cover your ass. And maybe bring popcorn you can pop over a fire…

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