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Date: November 3, 2022
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Tell him he moved On while you guys were still together with the 21yr old chick. How could you have moved on too fast when he was moving on while married having the affair.
But he hasn't been doing it for well over a year. Porn isnt opening a relationship and being with someone else. It sucks what happened to you and that you have trauma but you can't hold that against him if you agreed to open it up.
Funny how you didn't consider her a cheating gold digger until after she told you she wouldn't leave him for you.
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As long as your partner y'know, situates you with the things you need help with, that's great. You really can't expect them to tend on you hand and foot and that's how you get caregiver burnout. Sounds like you took care of yourself just fine you are just, annoyed she didn't give you attention? Just because she didn't something differently form how you would doesn't mean she's wrong, and you can't resent her because hmph, well I would give her moreee, clearly she doesn't love me enough because she doesn't show it in the exact same ways or service me exactly the same!
If a partner is skipping out on care (or at least making sure you are with people who will provide it), that's a problem. You're posting on Reddit feeling butthurt though and not calling a friend/family member to emergency spoon feed you though so I'm thinking you're just fine. It's fine to ask for extra attention, but you can't hold her life hostage over it.
!remindme 4 months
Me too. That teen needs someone in her corner. Her mom clearly isn’t and OP is just creepy.
I (F) am careful what I wear in-front of others (minus my husband). Friends or family, I err on the side of caution. So usually it’s leggings and a slightly baggy T-shirt. Which also happens to be my work attire since I’m remote.
Maybe a intervention is needed? Sometimes getting a therapist involved, and having her family all get together and explain how they feel about her relationship with this friend, and the things they see happening with her will help her see what is going on,
And sometimes it can take all the blame off of you, and make her realize that you are not the only one who sees the changes in her, and are worried about her,
It may be accurate that over 90% of sex offenders are men, but guess what? That 10% is still out there offending. Unfortunately you were a victim of one of the 10%. I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm sorry your ex girlfriend is an ass who can't comprehend the existence of outliers even as she implicitly acknowledges them. I hope you have other support from friends & family.
Am I allowed to vote for both
Let’s try an analogy:
I don’t give a fuck about bouquets of roses. I could go my entire life without ever once receiving a bouquet of roses. And therefore, since I literally never think about bouquets of roses, it never occurs to me to ever give my wife roses.
Are you seeing where this is heading?
You have said it is a dealbreaker for you.
So end it. It's as simple as that.
Don't claim that something is a “boundary” for you, then act surprised when someone keeps crossing it, even though you have done nothing to enforce it. If you are going to say something is a dealbreaker, then you need to be prepared to actually follow through on it.
He’s being charming and you reject him and he’s frustrated and a little hurt. Both of you have somewhat unrealistic expectations here. How do you feel when he rejects you? ( I’m not specifically talking sex here, but when you do something you think he will like and he is not appreciative). Is he being a sook? Yeah , the silent treatment is juvenile. You two need to learn to communicate effectively. Your being too tired is real life but you should be upfront and tell him you are exhausted and no joy later. I suspect you are not too tired to enjoy the attention until it gets to the sex.
Problem is, if you knew about her brief infidelity, and constant urge to cheat on you, you wouldn't have stayed with her for all these years.
To her benefit, despite being emotionally unstable, it seems she was faithful to you once she got properly bonded with you. She does love, and she knows on a conscious level that you are the person she wanted, and still want to spend her entire life with. Her problems are feelings she can't control, and she is also frustrated about it.
I can't blame her for hiding all of this, since it allowed you two to stay together, and I think you have been happy with her, while on her part she was faithful to you, and as happy as she can be. Obviously, her cravings for new men as well as longing for old toxic relationship are bad, but it is not like she wants to feel this way.
This isn't that rare you know? After getting through some toxic things, stable loving relationship does not fulfil certain expectations she had of the relationship. In her mind, the stability, and caring love was not what she was emotionally associating with a fulfilling relationship, even though on conscious level she knows she should.
Perhaps if she can include you in her therapeutic process, she can get over things she couldn't when trying to do it alone. Although keep in mind, this will deal a lot of emotional damage to you. Besides, being a therapist to your partner tends to ruin the relationship, and kill affection. So, I am not sure, if it is worth the risk. I guess be supportive of her, show her that you love her, but avoid trying to therapy her. You should also share your feelings of not being appreciated for what you have done for her over the years.