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Date: October 17, 2022
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I will be honest with you. The fact that you saw no issue, and wanted a way to tell your new bf that you will go on vacation with your old bf is a giant red flag. 100% a deal breaker. Honestly, if I was your bf I wouldn't even say another word to you, just block and move on.
Also, your post is on TikTok now.
He doesn’t even let you have your own space or display your collectibles, are you sure you want to move in with him yet? There are compromises to be made by both parties when move in together, and it’s an effort from both sides.
Yea Bob got what he deserved. And instead of eating it and mending fences he chose drama. You don't have to do anything else with Bob. Guarantee he'll try to make a big deal out of this. Tell your friends you're open to Bob burying the hatchet and you tried but you've no time for amateur dramatics, the focus is the couple and the wedding. Not Bob, he shouldn't try to make this about himself. You're over it, you don't want to even think about him and move on immediately to a nicer more cheerful topic.
If Bob is the weasel he seems to be, he will try just that. When he does put it down to “more drama, here he does again, making it about himself, is there nothing he won't do for attention”. Frame every reaction as Bob being manipulative and trying to keep this beef going.. “Pretty shitty that he would miss your wedding because he was asked to be polite, which no one should have to even request”.
Hopefully Bob won't go to the wedding. But make it clear that's very much Bob's decision, nothing to do with you. If he does you can just stay clear of him and frame his reactions as hysterical. If you control the narrative with this guy you can use that as a boundary.
Personally I believe that the custom of the wife changing her name upon marriage is outdated and rooted in misogynistic ideas. But well, everyone has their opinion. The worse part is that after so many years you’re still not over it. And even worse is that you obviously must have agreed to this at some point without actually being okay with it. You say you have more traditional ideas of marriage, why did you then agree to this? Why didn’t you properly discuss those things with your wife/then gf? Are there any other areas in which your ideas are more traditional than your wife’s?