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❤Sascha❤, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 13, 2022
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Seems you have a choice between going down the road to becoming a single mother by having a kid by a guy that doesn't even want to live! with you….or just choose to be single and find someone else.
Girl, I am so sorry this happened with you. This sucks big time and I know a bit of what you go through. I, myself am in a “similar” situation. I’m in a different country, away from friends family and everyone I know. I online with someone I don’t love anymore but I can’t leave either cause I can’t pay for everything on my own, I have no drivers license and no car so I turned to findom. I have to make this work cause it’s currently my only mean to be independent. But about you, this guy doesn’t deserve and honestly, your child doesn’t deserve it either. The kid will grow up full of trauma for seeing you fighting. Don’t do it. Get out as soon as you possibly can. Plan everything and just leave. Don’t look behind.
Didn't you see (or smell) any of this on a first meet? Even if he was on “best behavior” for a first meet, you can't tell me you didn't see signs of it in his home, the first time you visited?
It’s your ring that you inherited from your mother! His cheap ass didn’t even bother to pay out of pocket to buy a ring. Now he wants to take it and give it to his next fiancé or cash it in. Call him out on SM for stealing and him being a cheap, gold digging, thief.
Detangling finances sucks. If you are on a loan, you are expected to pay, doesn’t matter who owned the thing. If you are on the deed to something, it’s yours. So if you are both on the mortgage and cars he has the same rights and responsibilities you do.
If you give him his car and expect him to pay the note, your credit is on the line as well if he doesn’t.
The home is tough. I walked away from a place I was the one paying for just to be able to be done with it, the other time we sold and split the money.
Either way, to really detangle everything has to be refinanced, which isn’t always financially prudent and in his case, may not be possible with his income level.
Show him you are smarter by breaking up with him
Yeah, but he doesn’t come to appointments. The first operation did not go as planned. The first procedure did not go ahead before a certain point (not down to me or my decisions but because they were not sure how to proceed themselves), and according to the limited data I can find live, that would have increased the chances of success. This alone shows that the doctors are not 100% on how to approach the condition.
You’ve missed the point of my post. I asked for help in how to proceed, how do I put a stop to this on a subject matter that I sincerely do not think they understand the severity of? I go to people if I have an opinion, I’m trying to get this resolved in a dignified manner for everyone, I have only spoke to one person about this before posting, as they are very level headed whereas I would normally go in all guns blazing which is never good and I’m trying to be better.
I understand they have an interest in my son’s wellbeing, that I’m not disputing, but I want help in how to address the way the communication has gone down.
We have been long distance and I have made several trips over to her so we could be together, but I was planning on moving there to be with her. So maybe the strain of long distance?
If this is real, he’s using you to feel young. Dude is keeping you hooked, showing you off to everyone he knows, while refusing to elaborate on what the relationship is.
Repeat after me folks. Don’t date people old enough to be your parents.
Do you have reason to be concerned? No, you don't if you haven't spoken to her in years. Just don't.
I don’t think he feels strongly about eating meat though. Like I don’t think he’s really thought about it at all.
It does feel very toxic and I’m at that point where I know to anticipate it so I feel unsettled and a little more triggered when it comes. I don’t know if I’m ready to break it off…Counseling may be a good option.
Period.
To discriminate against anyone purely based on their skin colour (of any shade) is racism. You or your family haven't done anything to make him feel hurt or uncomfortable, and you are his S/O who cannot change her skin colour, so to judge you guys based on what a few other people have done in the past and group you all together as one is racist. I think it's more society and media these days persuading him to believe that it's ok to be racist nowadays, as long as it's towards white people (u see it all over tiktok) which is so bizarre to me. That's not how you make peace with anyone ??
The switching gendered pronouns makes it sound like there's three people involved, so I'm not absolutely certain what's going on here. If you were dating someone twenty years older than you and he's trying to get back together with you, blocking him is appropriate. Don't date him.
My mother is like that, she's a mild narcissist who doesn't respect the fact that other people exist. She just ignores boundaries and doesn't respect others, doesn't think that they are and what they want is important, and putting away things at home is just a symptom of that.
So people are jumping to OCD, while I think it's often more of self-involved behavior, “I do the things I like you what you want doesn't matter much”
She needs inpatient care. She's becoming violent, right now it's herself she's hitting, but she could escalate and attack you. She's repeatedly threatened suicide. Call her family and get her into a hospital. They can get her the proper treatment.
Therapy isn't working. It's not gonna work if she's not talking about this, not the right therapist, or type of therapy or all of the above. She might need meds too. Leaving her isn't abandoning her. You're mental well-being is just as important as hers.
Old habits die hard. Cheating once or twice in life until you realize the gravity of your actions is pretty average, most of us learn very young. Someone who cheats well into adulthood, like say, mid 30's is probably not going to kick the habit anytime soon, especially if they justify their actions by saying it was because they were unhappy.
When emotionally intelligent adults are unhappy in relationships they leave. It may seem like you're in the clear now because she says she's happy, but will she be happy with you forever until death do you part? Long term relationships will tell you no. We go through phases and love ebb and flows. There are high points, and low points in every relationship. If you feel like she can't be trusted in not toughing out the lows without being unfaithful, you should be running the opposite direction of wherever that woman says she's going.
But I don't know her, maybe she's a bag of fucking rainbows and joy rolled up into a ball of perfection– but what I do know is: when people tell you who they are.. believe them. You won't be able to say it was a surprise, because she'll have warned you of the outcome long before it happens. Honest cheaters even have the balls to use that as leverage when the curtain falls: “I told you I was this way!” As if to make you feel like you signed up to be cheated on.
If I were you, I'd seriously be considering taking a step back in terms of commitment from this relationship. Keep it friendly, casual dating/friends with benefits even, but don't put all your eggs in one basket with this woman, she's told you straight to your face that she can't be trusted.
Thank you, this is a good idea. I’ll look into some support groups in our area and think about a way to tell him about it without making him feel some type of way. Thanks again 🙂
It’s because she trusted him. Now she doesn’t.
No. Its because she thought she was a badass and now knows she is not. She doesn't trust herself anymore.
It’s all good. It had me laughing.
Curious what they think is the truth since they apparently do not believe you.
He’s enjoying not being committed. It happens. Not a reflection on you, just where he’s at.
Think about the future. How is he going to act if you get pregnant and he doesn't want that. Will he just ditch you as well? Do you even want to take that chance? I wouldn't want to. He showed his true colors when he treated that girl like that. You can find someone better.
Who hurt you so badly that you believe this is as good as it gets for you?
Sweetheart, a good therapist can help you break this cycle. The naked truth is that you're always made to feel like you're on the wrong side because you accept that treatment for yourself. It is so nude to recognize and break the toxic habits that trauma has created for us but I promise you it is worth it to do the work to heal yourself.
You deserve soft love. You deserve unconditional love, especially from yourself. Love yourself enough to believe you deserve better than this, you do!
Life is so much better when you can love yourself, no matter what mistakes you've made. You deserve to feel the freedom that good Therapy can provide.
I think I got to a point where I was just so fucking miserable I felt like I didn’t have a choice. I just couldn’t live! like that anymore. The reason for breaking up was a combo between mental health issues she wouldn’t treat, working part time while I worked multiple jobs while going to college full time, leaving all the household chores on me, and not being able to do anything for herself. I literally put clothes on her body so she’d go to work and I drove her to and from work. I washed her in the shower. I had to make her brush her teeth. Anything that needed to be done but wasn’t fun, I had to make her do it or do it for her. I got really burnt out from my heavy workload and living her life for her. I got to the point where I just couldn’t do it anymore. And that pushed me to finally break up with her after knowing I needed to do it for a long time.
Another thing is learning to value yourself. I worked on it in other areas of my life and it gave me the self esteem and courage to do it. But therapy is a good option, I just didn’t have the time for it. I describe myself as a professional people pleaser and doormat but I’ve been working on it and I’m much better. You need to remind yourself that YOU are the one who matters most in your life. YOU are your own top priority. You need to be living your life, not yours and a partners.
It takes a lot to work, a lot of practice, and you’re going to feel shitty. But for me, it worked out. I broke up with her and my life got a lot better. My mental and physical load reduced greatly. It helped me feel like I made the right choice. Now I’m getting better about saying no. It’s a long process and it sucks and you feel bad, but it’s important to do it and remind yourself that you online for you, not to be useful for other people.