It has only been 3 months- plenty of things not built to last end after that time.
You are allowed to realise you're not ready, to make mistakes. You can kindly break things off because of this realisation and focus on yourself. I understand what it's like to be a people pleaser and to fear being alone and there is so much amazing, terrifying, fun and frustrating but rewarding ways to heal if you only start.
Rebounds and missteps happen and the scary thing is that you're on your own now, but the amazing thing is you're on your own now. You can find yourself in it all, I promise. It's only the beginning if you want it to be
Thanks for your response. She said she’d apologize to my friend next time they see each other but also wanted to let him know that his sarcastic remarks hurt her. I think the extra part about letting him know about the sarcastic remarks is unnecessary since they both know that was the reason why, and she feels as though he is wrong for doing it when it’s just his sense of humor. A phone call apology seemed like it would be awkward so I said that it would be a good idea for her to apologize next time in person, but I don’t know if/when that would ever happen again.
I mean when you decide to have unprotected sex with someone it's considered normal to ask for an std test beforehand even if you blindly trust your partner and nobody is making a big deal out of it. Idk why it would be different for something as big as raising a kid for half of your life.
It’s a personal boundary. He’s within his rights to say the both of you should separate should you engage with weed. If that’s something you want to do, then you’ll have to move on from the relationship.
It’s definitely worth bringing up. My first thought was “oh this sounds like weird soft porn.”
But bring it up with him. Ask him what it is about them that keeps him interested. Let him know how it makes you feel. Hopefully you can both have an open and honest discussion and you can both work together to find a solution.
So you left for 5 months and came back expecting everything to be great?
You lived together and you were on the lease with your stuff there, right? Did you pay for those 5 months or just expect her to cover everything?
She probably feels pretty abandoned and used.
The condoms are weird, but I have a rogue box of condoms somewhere from like 8 years ago that I need to throwaway when I find it. She could have had it from forever ago.
Ah yes, she did this just to hurt OP. There weren't any other factors that led her to make this choice. This wasn't something that caused her any pain at all. /s
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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Posts must:
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That's great to hear. The day programs are great. Especially if you really apply yourself and do the homework. Good luck with everything.
Most people can read genuine intentions. So hopefully his friends see that. It sounds like you want to be good for him but your mental health got in the way and now you're doing something about it. Good job. Hold your chin up.
he is a wonderful person. I think I changed too much. he has his quirks and difficult traits, he has his diamonds. I just now have lots of difficulty living with him now. stuff that didn’t bother me before (or bothered very low key) now takes a toll on me every day. for instance, his laziness and trying to avoid active movement and action generally whenever possible (though he gladly spends time on cool projects, there’s this awesome trait). this means that any event, any family visitation, any communication, even sitting with our dog when I’m away — is something that I need to organize. and two people means twice the organization effort. emotional servicing is something that only I do, as well. before, it was OK. now, I can’t do it for two anymore :/ and he is currently waiting for me to solve a bureaucratic problem for him because it involves communication and extra work. I feel like I’m mostly at fault. but, in my defense, I realized that I didn’t like it only recently.
Sorry about the age confusion. I wrote the title wanting to obfuscate the actual ages in case she sees the post. Though she'll probably know it's about us from the title anyway.
I don't care if I'm her only option, all I want is a good upbringing for our child.
I asked why the video was in her recent videos (1 week ago) and she said she was clearing out old photos and found that and was going to delete it.
I'm not 100% clear on what you mean by recent videos but I know for certain that thinking about deleting a video doesn't change the date. If she is being honest the best explanation I can think is she did delete the video and then found it and saved it again but that in itself would be a huge red flag.
Time to cut and run buddy, you deserve better than this.
I feel like it would be really hard to replace a cat that looks convincingly similar enough to fool the owner. I had a beautiful Norwegian Forest cat with green eyes, whom I loved dearly to the very end. A few years before she passed, I got another cat that looked almost like her, but not quite. I could tell them apart. My second cat has light brown eyes, is taller, and has a different face shape.
Even if you get the same cat, there will be noticable differences. Unless this guy was plotting this for months, searching for just the right cat, who's doesn't sound real.
If it is, then don't let this guy move in. Dump him. He sounds like an asshole anyway.
You need to kick him out of your home. He is totally disrespecting you. His dad dying 18mths ago, and him being a veteran is absolutely no excuse for being a liar and a cheat. Before anyone argues re the veteran part, I am ex military, and my family is four generations of military service, possibly more. Every generation saw active service and not one of them strayed from their partners.
He is having aex with his ex because he wants to and she is available. Don't take him back. Get yourself checked out for stds.
This screams “I did something awful and going to hide it through anger” to me.
It has only been 3 months- plenty of things not built to last end after that time.
You are allowed to realise you're not ready, to make mistakes. You can kindly break things off because of this realisation and focus on yourself. I understand what it's like to be a people pleaser and to fear being alone and there is so much amazing, terrifying, fun and frustrating but rewarding ways to heal if you only start.
Rebounds and missteps happen and the scary thing is that you're on your own now, but the amazing thing is you're on your own now. You can find yourself in it all, I promise. It's only the beginning if you want it to be
Thanks for your response. She said she’d apologize to my friend next time they see each other but also wanted to let him know that his sarcastic remarks hurt her. I think the extra part about letting him know about the sarcastic remarks is unnecessary since they both know that was the reason why, and she feels as though he is wrong for doing it when it’s just his sense of humor. A phone call apology seemed like it would be awkward so I said that it would be a good idea for her to apologize next time in person, but I don’t know if/when that would ever happen again.
I mean when you decide to have unprotected sex with someone it's considered normal to ask for an std test beforehand even if you blindly trust your partner and nobody is making a big deal out of it. Idk why it would be different for something as big as raising a kid for half of your life.
It’s a personal boundary. He’s within his rights to say the both of you should separate should you engage with weed. If that’s something you want to do, then you’ll have to move on from the relationship.
It’s definitely worth bringing up. My first thought was “oh this sounds like weird soft porn.”
But bring it up with him. Ask him what it is about them that keeps him interested. Let him know how it makes you feel. Hopefully you can both have an open and honest discussion and you can both work together to find a solution.
So you left for 5 months and came back expecting everything to be great?
You lived together and you were on the lease with your stuff there, right? Did you pay for those 5 months or just expect her to cover everything?
She probably feels pretty abandoned and used.
The condoms are weird, but I have a rogue box of condoms somewhere from like 8 years ago that I need to throwaway when I find it. She could have had it from forever ago.
Ah yes, she did this just to hurt OP. There weren't any other factors that led her to make this choice. This wasn't something that caused her any pain at all. /s
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He’s not and I will take a look. Thank you.
You say he's convincing. Is he an actor? If so, acting convincing is his whole job.
Bro…wut?
8 years is nothing when you are 40 and he’s 48.
Get your own test done. Just in case.
That's great to hear. The day programs are great. Especially if you really apply yourself and do the homework. Good luck with everything.
Most people can read genuine intentions. So hopefully his friends see that. It sounds like you want to be good for him but your mental health got in the way and now you're doing something about it. Good job. Hold your chin up.
I’m never sure he actually means it, but it doesn’t feel great
he is a wonderful person. I think I changed too much. he has his quirks and difficult traits, he has his diamonds. I just now have lots of difficulty living with him now. stuff that didn’t bother me before (or bothered very low key) now takes a toll on me every day. for instance, his laziness and trying to avoid active movement and action generally whenever possible (though he gladly spends time on cool projects, there’s this awesome trait). this means that any event, any family visitation, any communication, even sitting with our dog when I’m away — is something that I need to organize. and two people means twice the organization effort. emotional servicing is something that only I do, as well. before, it was OK. now, I can’t do it for two anymore :/ and he is currently waiting for me to solve a bureaucratic problem for him because it involves communication and extra work. I feel like I’m mostly at fault. but, in my defense, I realized that I didn’t like it only recently.
You make no sense. A man doesn’t have to have a partner the exact same age. ?? They can choose to date younger.
I do, in fairness, before you jump at me.
Seriously red flags everywhere.
At 30 you are mature enough to see them and act accordingly on the red flags.
Sorry about the age confusion. I wrote the title wanting to obfuscate the actual ages in case she sees the post. Though she'll probably know it's about us from the title anyway.
I don't care if I'm her only option, all I want is a good upbringing for our child.
I asked why the video was in her recent videos (1 week ago) and she said she was clearing out old photos and found that and was going to delete it.
I'm not 100% clear on what you mean by recent videos but I know for certain that thinking about deleting a video doesn't change the date. If she is being honest the best explanation I can think is she did delete the video and then found it and saved it again but that in itself would be a huge red flag.
Time to cut and run buddy, you deserve better than this.
This is about control.
just saying it louder for the people at the back.
I didn’t really get a good explanation. At that point I wouldn’t believe much of the answer anyways
I feel like it would be really hard to replace a cat that looks convincingly similar enough to fool the owner. I had a beautiful Norwegian Forest cat with green eyes, whom I loved dearly to the very end. A few years before she passed, I got another cat that looked almost like her, but not quite. I could tell them apart. My second cat has light brown eyes, is taller, and has a different face shape.
Even if you get the same cat, there will be noticable differences. Unless this guy was plotting this for months, searching for just the right cat, who's doesn't sound real.
If it is, then don't let this guy move in. Dump him. He sounds like an asshole anyway.
Wanting you to be less healthy for aesthetic reasons is mental, mate.
He wants you to call him daddy? Sounds like he ordered his personality off the Internet.
You can do better.
This isn’t gonna work. She shouldn’t be trying to control you like this. Time to let her go.
You need to kick him out of your home. He is totally disrespecting you. His dad dying 18mths ago, and him being a veteran is absolutely no excuse for being a liar and a cheat. Before anyone argues re the veteran part, I am ex military, and my family is four generations of military service, possibly more. Every generation saw active service and not one of them strayed from their partners.
He is having aex with his ex because he wants to and she is available. Don't take him back. Get yourself checked out for stds.