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?Mila DY?, 42 y.o.
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Date: October 9, 2022
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Talk to her about it and be honest. If she doesn't get it, simply distance yourself from her. You get a clear head. You probably can't change her, so you can decide if you want to put up with it.
Maybe you can relate to this: I (at that point 20) had a similar girlfriend (a.t.p. 18). She was immature too and had no eye for stability or strategy.
It was weird especially because everything she did was of high quality, like her room was the definition of minimalism and cleanliness, she was good at school and so on, probably because she had aspergers.
When it came to talking about our differences though, that 's where she went immature, she always joked about it. Or when I asked about her future plans, she said “I want to travel the world”, but when asked about how she wants to do it: “idk”. She never acted on her own and expected me to do and know everything, on the other hand she “never had the time” to meet up. She wanted to be independent, but she did nothing to reach that goal. She made stupid ass jokes too, btw. Like saying “poop”, which was funny at the beginning, because i didn't expect that, but it went overboard after some time.
Then she wanted to call it quits randomly one day. I agreed.
I would maybe sit on it a bit longer before saying anything. See if it still bothers you a week from now. But it’s totally valid if it you still feel this way! Some people are being harsh here imo. “You’re marrying the man, not the ring.” It’s not like your phrasing implies it’s a deal breaker for you. If the tradition of a diamond ring is important to you, then that’s no different than any other tradition. And it’s not unreasonable to have expected him to discuss these types of things before marriage.
Right, she won’t get your hoodie! Haha
If she is fully transitioned, I see no reason why this should be an issue whatsoever.
If this is real…you have most likely permanently tanked your marriage. Congratulations.
Perhaps in the future you'll be more mindful of what you say.
Hmmm I don’t really agree with confronting John. I think just cutting all contact would probably be the best way to deal with things. The opposite of love is indifference.
If it’s your house, or you’re the only person on the lease is renting, all you need to do is tell the stranger no. Maybe throw in that your dad lied to him. Is the stranger becomes hostile you call the police.
Ultimately your dad made a stupid and empty threat.
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You can always choose to remain friends and end the friendship later if it's not working. Whatever choice you make, it doesn't have to be permanent if you find it's not working for you. Just make sure you're communicating your uncertainty with him so he isn't caught off guard if you change your mind.
It’s very possible that both OP’s insecurities affected the relationship negatively AND the bf didn’t establish boundaries like he should have. Both can be true. We obviously can only really speculate bc I don’t think OP has really provided enough info for anyone to make definite statements about this whole thing tbh.
Lol, I just want to be able to gossip with him about the shows.
Your expectations are not unreasonable. Your BF is telling you in no uncertain terms that you will have the same type of relationship that your parents have. The relationship that you are trying to get away from.
Him saying that “men are bad at cleaning” is not true at all. Its just BS to get you to see that he is doing a half ass job so that you will do it. If my 18yo son can cook and clean his messes properly, so can your BF.
You deserve so much better that how your BF is acting and him sending you videos and saying “damn straight” is down right misogynistic.
You'd better run–not walk–to the doctor and get a vasectomy.
And then what after? Your husband clearly sees Jim as a big part of his future if he's getting you to meet him and having him stay over for a weekend.
Someone that immature shouldn't be allowed to drive unsupervised
It's what everyone is saying. I just wish I didn't creep her out
If you're not talking to a therapist, I'd start looking into doing that.
He's allowed to like his sister. If he starts imitating her behavior, then I'd worry but so far, it doesn't sound abnormal.
He's already limited his conversations with his friends to ease your insecurities and asking him to contact completely is out of the question.
If you don't like the people he hangs out with and view him differently because of it, just don't date him. You don't have to be besties with his friends but if you dislike them that much, why stick around?
This is perfect.
She was apologizing for forcing her boyfriend into a situation she knew damned well he didn't want to get into, but she thought she knew better. She thought whatever friction was going on between him and his family could be resolved in an afternoon over tea.
He finally relented because she's been hounding his ass for four years, and he was tired of hearing her shit, but that didn't make it any less traumatic for him.
She put him through this. She better do a whole lot more than apologize.
He is definitely manipulating and controlling you, also you are afraid of him and how he might react, the situation has gone way too far. You are in control of yourself and only you can decide for yourself if the relationship is over, and it is. Block him everywhere, don't talk or see him anymore, for any reasons, leave and don't let anything behind. Get help, a crisis hotline, your parents, friends you can trust and tell them the whole thing. Don't stay alone but don't stay with him.
Is he on a team? If so how is he missing three months of practices and still on it
My wife and I planned our wedding together, therre were things we each cared more about, but we both cared!
This is just a sign of how he will not help you when its something he doesn't care about.
Girl of you tried to communicate and he didn’t say anything, that’s your answer he doesn’t feel it’s important to explain himself for you when he had hurt you, he doesn’t prioritize you, even if he is embarrassed, it’s not your problem… You have to ask yourself: Do I want to be with someone who acts like a child, can’t apologize and also don’t prioritize me? Please kick him out
Lawyer first. One thing to note is you said they’re going into high school first right? Meaning he hasn’t been in their lives for more than ten years? Might be something to bring up to the lawyer because custody would be a breeze for you if he has abandoned them for that long. Do not engage with anyone besides the lawyer and see what the advice is, then talk to your husband and then your kids.
He's getting angry and pissy with her like her saying yes when he wants sex isn't enough. Why?
Why do you make it seem like the idea of one's partner desiring them is foreign to you? How are you not getting this?
I don't know about you but I don't want my partner to begrudgingly have sex with me or never feel or express interest in me sexually. You're literally arguing that OPs partner should accept and be happy with this and if he isn't ok with it it's rapey.
You do understand that sex is more than a physical act right? Like there's a huge emotional component for a lot of people that's clearly lacking here.
Then you need to have a different conversation: Mom, I've been thinking about this because Nana is having some health issues. I am not going to be the person to let you know when she has died. I don't feel comfortable because we have such different relationships with your side of the family.
She will probably just say 'fine'. I think you may be getting ahead of yourself in worrying about this.
There’s a lot of teambased competition. Think of league of legends, World of Warcraft, Crossout a lot of FPS and a lot more.
Yes, id be concerned this is a very controlling and immature move.
You live!, you learn and you'll move on. Also… Why would you want to be with a person that doesn't trust you?
Thanks, I'm kind of glad that everything is completely out of my hands now
That is insanely rude of you to say to guests. You can say something like “your presence is the best present we could ask for” but the way you phrased it is off-putting, disrespectful, and tacky.
It sounds like you have a complex here that you need to work though independently. This is not even remotely normal.
Thank you! I just hate that I let my guard down with him cos I don't normally do that so I think I'm more frustrated at myself right now
Al-Anon are for friends/family of Alcoholics. It is not AA.
The point is to meet people that have suffered similar stuff as you have. It might not work at all (12 step method) but the important thing is to have someone you can talk with about your reactions (panic attacks when SO are drinking) – that really understand it. If there are meetings like that somewhere close to you – you can just take a look and see if it is something for you. As you are not with an active alcoholic then it is more finding a place to talk. Remember as well that PTSD is best cured by talking and it is better to talk with people understanding it then people that do not.
I think as well – aeen from how fast your gf was drinking that it was the speed of drinking that hit you just as much as she was drinking in general. Speed of drinking shows often if a person is an alcoholic. I think it was that that hit you. Nb my wife is a (dry) alcoholic so I know what you went through. Take care of yourself. It has a huge impact being in a relationship with an alcoholic.
Good you have a great gf – tell her how much you love her and thank her for being a wonderful person!
you’re 18. you’ve got your whole life ahead of you. consider spending it with someone who treats you with respect
Yes, you should break up with him. He’s using you for your mom. This is weird. You deserve to be with someone who likes you for you.
Plus the scheming for years is extra creepy.
Stand up for yourself and say no.
And you married this woman? Man.
The only reason you're wrong is FOR STAYING WITH SUCH A CHILDISH IMMATURE AH..HOW IS IT YOUR FAULT THAT SHE COULDNT BE BOTHERED TO LISTEN TO YOU BECAUSE SHE WAS PLAYING A GAME!! SERIOUSLY!! HER GAME WAS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR NEWS..ARE YOUR FEELINGS AND NEEDS ALWAYS SECOND TO HER?? BET THEY ARE.. YOU HAVE A CHOICE DUDE. OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE YOUR SELFISH GF AS SHE REALLY IS. ANALYZE HOW SHE TREATS YOU AND IF YOURE OK WITH IT, THEN BEG HER FORGIVENESS AND CONTINUE YOUR HAPPY LIFE..IF NOT, THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.. BTW..SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO GET MAD AT YOU FOR WANTING TO SHARE EXCITING NEWS WITH SOMEONE. UGHHH
Tell her that it takes you longer to think about why you are bothered. If you were to bring it up at the time it wouldn’t come across properly.
I kinda have a feeling though that you aren’t choosing the right time or proper approach to bringing these things up to her