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♡Mila♡, 18 y.o.
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Date: September 25, 2022
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♡Mila♡, 18 y.o.
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I agree with others not a red flag, sooner or later this curiosity will grow.
I agree for the most part. However, a lot of people, especially men, have a hot time with emotions. And who knows the story? I suppose it depends how much they’ve hung out in 6 months. Still doesn’t excuse it, but people are complicated and fallible.
I am sorry to pry, but I am just trying to clarify. Did you initially find her attractive? Or was it a case of her attractiveness fading for you, or the new-ness of her and excitement fading?
If you were never attracted to her physically, she might be a great person, but if there is not that spark or attraction from your end, it will never really be there.
I have been with a few women that i was not attracted to physically due to wanting intimacy or sex or something, and it never really went well. I had to almost force myself to perform sexually and it wasn't a fun experience for both of us most likely.
My point is that if you are not attracted to someone, and they see you as a sexual relationship, better to just break it off, because you will be underwhelmed by her and it will show, and then she will sense it. If you break it off with them, the next guy could think they are gorgeous.
You can love someone as a friend if you are not attracted to them. If you were already intimate, and then LATER want to be friends, it isn't really possible because there is awkwardness and weirdness.
Me, as a guy, i have struggled with this at times in the past. As horrible as it sounds, if there is no physical attraction to someone, I would just politely turn them down and watch porn. It is sad if the person is kind and sweet and has a great personality, but you either are turned on by them or you aren't.
If you both simply are looking for friendship then you can be friends with anyone, that is not an issue.
You are a douche
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Also in ur other comments u said u dont like his face and height and i think if u just date someone for theyre personality u arent really dating them for who they are and it isnt fair to ur bf
Why don’t you just ask him to stop bringing women up in conversation with you until you get a handle on things?
I was taught that this is abusive, and I think googling this and finding commiseration may help you. I'm so sorry, that sounds super traumatic and gross.
It’s not “normal” to fantasize about rape or incest. Same deal with this “painal” crap I never heard of before this thread. Just because porn has marketed that lie to you, doesn’t make it okay.
Porn has taught a generation of young men that anything is okay is the name of sex or fantasy. It’s not. If you spend your time fantasizing and getting off to morally reprehensible shit, you become desensitized to it, and that affects real life.
He won’t be any more ready next year. He needs therapy to deal with his trauma. You may have to decide if you’re happy to give up on kids to stay with him
If you cannot find a mutual agreement where the both of you are happy with, then yes.. probably incompatible in regards of long term goals.
If she wants to remain in the city where her family resides, there is not much you can do about it.
Making a move like that, needs to be one made where both are equally happy.
Expecting one to give up their life for the sake of living yours, is not a fair expectation.
If both of you are dead set on your end life goals, then it might be a good time to accept your differences and move on.
A month and a half is too fast to you? No judgement that’s just usually considered slow to most people. If you’re not ready then yes it’s too fast. If you’re asking in general if it’s too fast then no an month and a half is a pretty decent time to get to know someone enough to know if you want to date them or not. Your friend is delusional nothing about this is fast or a red flag. This guy is fucking fantastic for going slow and respecting your boundaries.
You handled it very maturely, take some time to heal and reflect on what you want for your future.
Please gain some self respect and leave her.
If he had worked there for 13 years maybe, just maybe, something severely negative was causing him trouble, for example, depression, which is extreeeeeemly common in working men, especially if they have a bad/negative household.
Ask him if he’s happy in the relationship and also tell him you are not changing your personality, including your handy skills. That is not something needing to be changed. Things like interrupting your partner, not helping equally, spending too much time with friends, etc. those are things people change. Can he live! with you not changing your handy projects? If so, then keep in therapy. If not, set each other free amicably.
Think about this. Do you want your children to see him complaining about something actually helpful? Your children will copy this crappy behavior or tolerate it from their future partners.
It’s your wedding, life, relationships. Trust yourself to make the decision. Lots of ways to incorporate both dads if that’s what you want.
Why do you only see her Saturdays? Does she try to hang out more and you say no cause it’s fifa time?
Monkey branching
You were looking for a connection, he was looking for a booty call. Sounds like he is ina relationship and would have to hurry back or something. On-line and learn. Sorry tHis happened to you.
I don't think you're compatible. Your BF has goals of keeping a roof over his head and is busting his hump to do that.
You have a goal of being taken care of. Failing that, you want–with no compatible skills–to land a remote job so you can live! in a tropical paradise.
OP, I won’t repeat what the others have said as I 100% agree with them. Just came to say that you arguing with strangers to defend your point of view is not conducive to a good outcome for your relationship, or your sanity.
You being unable to let this go after more than 6 months is not ok. You need grief therapy, or you need to break up with this girl, or both. It’s not her fault that your thinking is a bit messed up after this traumatic event, and it’s not yours either – but it will be your fault if you keep stubbornly refusing to see a different point of view and don’t seek help.
So far so good… if shes seeing someone id keep distance between you both…
So people may not like this, but I was once a guy in my mid to early 30s. Not everyone is ready to settle down and be monogamous. First of all, if he didn’t explain this about himself in the beginning, that’s not cool. I at one point after my divorce was very clear about my intentions when talking to women. I’m going to tell you right now, this won’t be the last time this happens. You’re going to have to figure out what you are both expecting from the relationship, I’m sorry but if you want to be exclusive. You need to let that be known, if not. This is going to be a thing. Not everyone is looking for a monogamous relationship.
Long story short, race differences are holding us back. Her parents are very traditional and want her to marry within her race and culture. She has a very difficult time standing up to them and feels like she “owes” them for everything they have done for her. She doesn't want to disappoint them.
Moving out is a problem I'm solving. You're trying to judge actions and situations that you don't have enough background information on.
Thank you for trying to give me your best advice tho.
He probably does think I’m being a hypochondriac but if so, should he not try to show me more support? He knows I panic about my health and he knows I had a panic attack about it.
Uhm, find a new boyfriend!
It's giving creepy “I waited til she was legal” vibes tbh.
If this was my husband, I would cut this woman out of both your lives. Block her. Ghost her. The more contact they have the worse it will get.