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ππ‘π«π’π¬ ππ§π πππππ₯, 24 y.o.
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Date: September 24, 2022
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Maybe she isnβt close to her parents or her parents are noisy
If she told her friends about the relationship your chilling
I wouldnβt overthink it /
Do you know her relationship with her parents ?
She will chat, run
Yes, I agree. I just donβt see it as a sustainable thing without including their long-term partners.
just show him this and how many random strangers agree its a bad idea
For what itβs worth, when I first got out a a relationship that was very controlling and was similar to how your ex-gfβs past sounds, I struggled a lot with fawning behaviors (fight/flight/fawn). Meaning, I gave in easily to pressure from other people in order to prevent conflict or them being upset with me and, truly, all of my internal discomfort at having to deal with those situations.
If your exβs experience was similar, itβs possible she continued to snap those other guys to prevent them or others from being upset with her and confronting her about it (particularly if theyβd already been friends prior to your relationship). Consider that she shared her location and password with you early, as far as she knew (and likely expected, based on past experience) you knew where she was at any given time and could easily find out if you had concerns about her cheating. It is hard to get over the sense of being watched at all times by someone whoβs not there, especially if she was ever βcaughtβ by her ex doing something they didnβt like.
Itβs also possible that maybe it even felt nice to be shown compassion or desire by more people, including other men, even if she didnβt desire them. Abusive/controlling partners often degrade their target in many ways to make them feel dependent on the abuser, to feel like they arenβt worthy of being loved/canβt be loved by anyone else. Maybe sheβs still starved for some affection or positivity? I still struggle with a lot of self-loathing and self-blame. Perhaps she does too?
Last thought, and Iβm not sure if this will make sense but here goes; such a volatile relationship led to me becoming consumed with anxiety and needing to be in control of everything and every potential situation all of the time, including situations with other people. Being in control required me to maintain contact with people I didnβt really like or want to be around. Thatβs a naked habit to break. I maintained contact with my abusive ex for over a year to keep tabs on when he was taking a bad turn and was likelier to show up at my apartment/my parentsβ house/my school. I continued to occasionally respond to his texts or answer his calls to keep him placated or so I could avoid him/warn others. It sounds counterintuitive, and it is, but thatβs how my brain was working. Ultimately I had to learn a LOT about boundaries and how to set them and enforce them with other people and it was just trial & error with everyone. 6 years later Iβm finally starting to really get the hang of it.
In my other experiences, when something in my gut is telling me someone is being dishonest about something or not as invested as I am, Iβve often been right. Not that you canβt get caught blindsided, but there are often specific red flags people will point to for cheating: not checking their phone/certain apps in front of you, baselessly accusing you of cheating, lying about their whereabouts, not letting you meet certain people, if you scroll through this sub there will be a lot of posts about it.
My advice is that if your partnerβs behavior makes you suspicious/confused, ask them about it in the moment. My current partner early on said βhey, this is kinda embarrassing and Iβm not accusing you of anything, but can I ask who that guy was you were messaging earlier? Iβm just feeling insecure today.β It made a big difference and opened a really healthy dialogue for us.
This is a lot, I hope itβs some helpful insight. The way people behave is a reflection of them, not of you. Iβm glad your ex is getting some help.
I wouldnβt be able to have a partner that thinks Iβm dumber than him by default just because I am a woman. Also from his side, why would he want to be with a dumb human being? He should marry a man
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Get outta there, girl!
Try a t-ball bat. No pointing end or sharp side and it's swingable in a hallway. I got a pink girl one just to add insult to injury if i ever need it. But im in the US, if I'm grabbing that bat, plans A-C went horribly wrong.
You have an even happier year, ma'am π
I don't think this note means you should change anything about yourself. I think it highlights things about your boyfriend that he needs to work on.
If you want to talk about it, I'd say take that perspective: hey, saw this note, looks like you're struggling with your expectations about how long term, healthy relationships work, I'd recommend maybe talking to a pro about it.
18 yo with 37 yo? Do you not think now that this is absolutely not normal and that it was abusive from the start? You have not compromised in the past so much as been forced to accept things you didn't want. You have problems now because you're starting to outgrow the grooming he did on you and he doesn't like it one bit. Leave him.
My wife did this to me. She pushed me to make contact with my estranged mother. I finally caved because of the pressure. I now have this insanely tenuous but somehow still intact relationship with my mother than causes me nothing but anxiety. It was better before, Yeah, I sometimes wished I could have a proper relationship with my mother, but was otherwise satisfied. Now I get this weird periodic stress in my life that won't quite go away.
My wife now understands why we were estranged and apologizes to me regularly for forcing me into it, but the damage is done.
And yeah, I do still have a little bit of a chip on my shoulder over it. Why are you guys so fucking obsessed with shit like this? If your mate tells you their family is shit, take their word for it. Goddamn.
The only person who knows is him so why not talk to him? Most relationships end because they don't communicate with each other about what they feel. So talk to him. Only he can give you the right answer.
Yeah honestly I feel ya. Not much advice I can ask for huh.
Thank you.
Shes proabably among 27%
So what would she have done had the conversation 'stimulated' her?
They sound pretty damn rude and blatant about it. Since they act different during their alone time with you, you may be able to talk to them separately about this. But I would also strongly consider changing room mates.
Thank you. Iβm just unsure of whether I should give him time to prove he can handle it maturely on his own or step in and make it clear Iβm not accepting this friendship. Or if for now itβs sufficient to just be vocal and direct with my feelings on the matter, but still allow him time to solve it himself.
I just feel like he isnβt going to tell me if she keeps texting him all of the time without me asking about it, in order to avoid confrontation with me. But then it makes me feel like Iβm the one bringing in the conflict since Iβm bringing it up?
Thank you very much for reply mateπ
There are more problems in your relationship than it's worth. Just to highlight them all for you.
today I was going through his phone
he lied to me
I honestly am super hurt
Iβm afraid to confront him
heβll become sneakier than before
In conclusion….this probably isn't the relationship for either of you! It's a shitty relationship.
There are more problems in your relationship than it's worth. Just to highlight them all for you.
today I was going through his phone
he lied to me
I honestly am super hurt
Iβm afraid to confront him
heβll become sneakier than before
In conclusion….this probably isn't the relationship for either of you! It's a shitty relationship.
You lied to your boyfriend for months and tricked him into dating you. That is not sane behavior.
He sounds controlling, domineering and is trying to isolate you. You're doing nothing wrong. He's also gaslighting you by saying you're not a good wife. Trying to make him happy will lead to your unhappiness. I'm not telling you to divorce him, I'm saying you should continue to stand up for yourself and let the chips fall where they may. He may actually realize that he's wrong. On the other hand he may not, but if you try and keep pleasing him you WILL be miserable. Good luck.
soooo long story short, she went on a then a second one..sure sounds like she is interested…real hot to tell your time line, from your post about all the 'drying up'.
how to solve your problem? well, try asking her..”hey im into you, you want to take this exclusive cuz I know most adults date multiple people at once and I am not down with that? I also require a lot of messaging during the day or I get sad. You cool with all this?”…that will clear up any confusion right then and there.
lol, I know logically it makes sense you're both talking about your partners but reading it, I like them imagine you, u/Rosieapples are married to u/ember428 and having a sweet moment on Reddit.
I actually took her on a walk to discuss everything and she said no. She said she was caught off guard and put into the middle of something she didn't want to be a part of which I want to believe but she also felt the need to manipulate a situation and show him texts I sent her that she found to be “weird” so he would argue with me so who knows
When I first saw the headline I thought he was having sex with his bio mom……oops
Anyway, he's been cheating on you for a year. That's should be enough to kick him to the curb. He doesn't respect you and he will repswcr you even less if yiu stay because that's just telling him he can get away with it. And whether he thinks it's normal because he's a guy (which surprise it is not)doesn't matter. If it's a deal breaker for you (which it should be) then it does tmatter what he thinks. If you stay he will just continue his shenanigans with BM or someone else.
The fact you moved in together so quickly is also a red flag. Moving that fast is never a good sign. It usually because at least one is codependent and the other is manipulative and potentially abuser.
Love (which how can you love a guy that has zero respect for you) isn't enough to make a relationship work. And clearly the feeling aren't mutual otherwise he wouldn't be cheating on you. Take of those rose colored glasses and open your eyes. Unless of course you like to be cheated on and disrespected
Do you know why all of a sudden she started having sex with you again?
She's not an emotional support animal.
His this is Reddit, and welcome to r/relationship_advice
Yes, could be
Does she need a restraining order on you? Save her the time and report to your local police station to organize one.
Why is him wanting to hold you more important than your comfort?
You are starting to dread him putting his arm around you. If he can't get over his attitude and realise who this actually hurts, then find someone else who will.
You will have to deal with this discomfort for the rest of your life, if you stay.