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☆.｡.:*LunaSparkles｡.:*☆, 30 y.o.
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Date: October 19, 2022
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Thank you for your reply. We're currently LDR so a lot of our communication is via calls. She really did just go to bed on that note. She wants me to leave her and free myself of her. Even she wouldn't want herself. But to me I see a funny selfless gentle gf:/ But it's like my opinion doesn't really matter. At work it was the director who apparently is just very demanding with her even though she's completed the tasks. So she seems to be valuing her view more.
I felt this for a part of my life but then I realized I couldn't let people and the crappy way they treat me. Make me jaded or have me shut everyone out and be the loving/compassionate person I am. I have been done wrong by lots of people but they are learning lessons of red flags to look out for plus to learn to evaluate people for where they're at than the possible potential. Take time. Work on you. Figure out what to look for next.
It's unfortunately apart of the growing pains of life.
DAMN!
Not even going to read your post because YES it is fair.
That sounds like main character syndrome tbh.
Yes, yes, I'm weird, for not tricking a teenager to break up with her girlfriend and be with me – her boss – and convincing her that college is a bad thing, so that she would be forced to be forced to work for my company. Or fucking an escort, cuz sure.
Life is too short for this bullshit. I think your dad needs to suck it up and be a man and accept his son-in-law, and you need to stand by that. Stay home with your family, keep your doors open, and leave the ball in their court.
I think this is sort of a red flag, maybe you can ask him to elaborate further as to why he doesn't want to post you on social media, like have a sit-down conversation about it instead of something out of the blue to suss out why he feels this way.
Speaking from experience, my now ex (thank god) did not post me on any of his social media accounts (I did not have social media at the time partly because he would make a huge stink about it) at all, and I never really cared because I didn't have social media so I barely paid attention to it. BUT come to find out, he didn't post me because he was cheating on me for the majority of our relationship. He wanted to, on social media, present as a single guy most likely to avoid questioning of loyalty, etc. Full disclosure, a lot of our common friends, believe my ex is a sociopath so this is an extreme case. I hope this is not the case with your boyfriend but just wanted to add some context as to why I think it may be sort of a red flag. All the best!
“He didn't intend for this to happen” He did
You should, but not because there's a problem with her. The problem is you. You are upset because she did something when she was single, after you dumped her. That's a pretty good indication that your shouldn't be in ANY relationship until you figure your own shit. Maybe go to therapy for a bit.
You know, it's not always clear what people like you want when you post on this sub. I see similar posts a lot.
How could we know if your bf has an addiction or if you are undesirable if we haven't seen or engaged with either of you personally or consistently? Are you just looking to vent or for actual constructive advice?
You will get a sea of 'leave him' posts. This may give you the confidence to actually do what you were thinking was right. However, this may be totally unhelpful.
Clarify what you want from reddit before posting here. Ask specific questions that people will be able to helpfully answer.
Exactly. This might sound really callous, but it's not noble to 'not he able to' go through with an abortion in these circumstances. Frankly, it's quite selfish; homeless, jobless, roping some guy into saving you because you have screwed yourself and this kid over. Down the road, she could have had other children in a stable environment. But no, now this one has to grow up in poverty. S'really not okay.
Ok, so first of all I would never think abstaining from sex in a long term normal relationship to actually be healthy. That said, there is some give and take. You lost something that literally physically bonded you to. What you have to do is now focus on other ways to bond. Other ways to drive up both your mental and emotional connection as well as the dopamine high you are used to.
I strongly suggest you both find a new shared hobby of some form or dedicate more time to actually dateing. Will the relationship ship be as good with out sex as with it? Probably not. That said it can help you find alternatives to it. You can find ways to bond and be closer without using it as a crutch. This could be crucial later in life. After you are married, when sex drives slow down or you have kids and just don't have the energy for sex as much. You can either sit shell shocked by the decision you both made, or you can make the best of it.
Good luck either way.
I recommend the brand 'Get A New Boyfriend'
Left my husband of 7 years under similar circumstances. He swore up and down it was a minor thing – a brief emotional affair live! with no physical contact involved, not even a kiss. The results of the STD testing I got done shortly after the breakup begged to differ. I don't know if he slept with that particular person, but he certainly slept with someone. (BTW, OP, you should get tested).
It hurt like hell to end that relationship. I had fully expected to stay together for the rest of our lives. But I was always clear that cheating was a hard dealbreaker for me. We had specifically discussed the topic early on in the relationship, and he had claimed to feel the same way, so we were both on the same page. It's not like he was blindsided, but he still seemed surprised when I ended things immediately. I guess he thought I was bluffing, or too invested to end the relationship. I dunno.
I agree.
Do you have any recommendations as to particular types of therapy, counseling, etc. that could help me with that?
Stand your ground on that. You have no obligation to spend time around anyone that you do not wish to spend time with, especially someone who has no problem repeatedly crossing your boundaries. Hopefully your brother will eventually see what kind of person she is and dump her. In the meantime, you're just going to have to accept that he's not going to mess up his relationship with her for you. It sucks but it is what it is. My guess is that he will come around eventually.
You guys sound young so it doesn't give me very much confidence in the longevity of their relationship. Relationships when you're young rarely work out anyway. I like to call them starter relationships. Anyway, just be honest with him about how you're feeling. Tell him that her presence makes you uncomfortable and he has said that he will talk to her several times but that nothing changes.
Tell him that at this point, you do not feel comfortable being around him if it means that you're going to have to spend time with her. Maybe losing your presence will make him understand that she is the problem. If not then I feel for you but again, you have no obligation to spend time with someone who makes you uncomfortable.
I wouldn't allow him to continue being my boyfriend.
Limited compassion for folks who the cops have been brutally murdering for over 200 years tho, one would have to note.
thats what ive literally been saying this whole time
Does she have a history with depression or mental illness? Even if she’s never been treated, if she’s showed signs of having a mental illness please take this seriously and get her parents involved and call in a wellness check. As she probably really needs the help.
If she never showed signs of a mental illness before, the chances of this being a pure manipulation ploy are much higher. I would still take
She’s not old enough to have a relationship. She’s acting like a teenage girl. That doesn’t understand. Part of an adult relationship is sexuality. I’m not sure what to say if you’re OK with that then stay with her but I don’t know what it’s so weird to me.
Does everybody asking why can't both dads get a dance not care that OP's bio dad was cheated on, had his child stolen from him by his ex-wife and her lover, was probably forced to pay child support for a daughter he never got to see, missed nearly her entire life, and had another man step into his role against his will? And said other man helped set all these events into motion?
Forget all the armchair mental health diagnoses on this thread. Main Character Syndrome seems the most accurate.
I don’t think you grasp what love is. I think you’re confusing security, tradition and simply what you’re used to, for love. She humiliated you, broke your trust and ruined your life together. You still thought it was a great idea to keep her around. Then she did it again, as if the point wasn’t illustrated enough. Well ofc she did, there were zero implications the first time she cheated, why would she stop? Ofc they have continued their affair, why else would she be texting him, especially under a different name. And deleting the texts. Jesus man, you are seriously blind. Get a grip, kick her out, and never look back.
Thank you for your words, I really needed the encouragement!!
Are you seriously trying to wife up a taken women who just showed you that she’s a cheater for a full on year ? And you’re just head over heels over there ? Lmfao you gottta be shittin me …
Text him that you saw the video and let him know you’re done. Block him and then tell your mutual friends what happened. Change your locks and get tested ASAP
and yes im controlling myself to stop looking through her social medias
Ok, haven’t seen it mentioned yet, but, buy and keep your own condoms. Even if he wasn’t actively trying to avoid using them, its on you both to keep them , not for him to be bringing them over.
Separately to that, get rid of him. Yes, technically he’s correct that boundaries are something for you to set and enforce, but why would you want a partner that doesn’t respect your boundaries and continually pushes them to get his own way?
You are better off single then with a guy who doesn’t respect you.
I can also suggest a couple of books:
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman and Nan Silver. Good for long-term relationships as well as marriages. The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. While you can take the test on-line, you really need to know how to apply the knowledge, which the book talks about. It also shows the intentional nature of love, that it is about what you do, not what you feel.
OP, it's unclear how or why you even know what your ex is doing, since breaking up is supposed to mean a complete separation and avoidance of one another (pretty much forever). But you need grief counseling and you need it urgently. This ex of yours will go on to live! his life and date/marry whomever he so chooses. None of that will have anything to do with you. So take care of yourself. Stop looking backwards at what he's doing now and think harder about you getting through this is as an individual. There are few things more horrific than the loss of a child. Even when it wasn't followed by the rupture of a relationship it requires counseling, every single time. Focus on your recovery. P.S. Through your counseling you'll probably recognize that what your ex is doing is his own unhealthy way of coping with this loss.
dump him
We did, I apologize for not including it, I replied to someone with my response to that.
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Fat and gross are not mutually exclusive. But, being a bully and being despicable go hand in hand .