I’ve been sole breadwinner before and would NOT do it again. It was crushing for me since my ex did not do anything to get an income and help out, he had all the excuses.
I don’t expect my partner to be a high earner or anything, just that we both contribute.
You need to communicate that you feel like you might be taken advantage of and that you need to see solid progress with this course and that he makes an effort.
Tell your brother that this is your choice and if they choose to continue their behavior knowing this is what makes you happy, they are not only disrespecting her, but ultimately yourself.
If your brother truly cares about you, he won’t let something as silly as a girlfriend wreck his relationship with you
I don't feel like interfering in his life anymore. I got my message that I am no longer a part although he lied a lot to me. I know he was not a good person in general because he told me he cheated on his previous girlfriends before. He also made one of his ex girlfriend's to have sex with him when she was married. He believed in manipulation as in he said sometimes you have to do it to get what you want out of girls here. He was sex crazy and I just didn't feel like giving in to someone like that so he made me pay by marrying just the next girl he could put his hands on. I checked the girls profile and found they got married in late August. Don't know when they started dating though. I don't want to ruin her life by sharing his past. Let the course of time decide what happens. I'm just in a lot of pain that I had to go through this and want to overcome as much as I can.
Complaining too much is also hurting you. Start keeping a gratitude journal. Every day, write at least one thing you're grateful about. When you start actively looking for good stuff, it changes your mental outlook, and can be very healthy.
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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So do you want to be with someone who chooses you, or do you want to get back with someone who is only coming back to you because the life they chose didn't work out? You, like all people, deserve to be very special to the person you're with.
I think it's more weird that you're fixated on this one very narrow metric of “friendship,” which is adding someone to social media, rather than just accepting that he has a sensible blanket policy in place to protect his professional reputation and it's not personal. If you have so many other, more important indicators that you're more than coworkers, you don't need this. You seem preoccupied with the notion that you should be an exception to the rule because hiking and families and all that, and that's cool that that's how you'd treat your social policy. Your rules are flexible. Nothing wrong with that. His aren't. Nothing wrong with that, either. You can make it a big deal or just accept that he doesn't add coworkers to social media, and not make it an “if we were REAL friends” thing.
That's some heavy stuff to have to deal with, and I feel for you. As for your brother, it sounds like he's got his own demons to deal with and maybe he's not able to be as present in your life as you'd like him to be. But don't give up hope, sometimes people just need time and space to work through their own stuff.
My suggestion would be to keep reaching out to him, but don't put too much pressure on him to respond or engage. Let him know that you care about him and you're there for him whenever he's ready to talk. And remember that you can only control your own actions and reactions, you can't control how he behaves.
I know it's very hot, but try not to take it too personally when he doesn't respond or engage. It's not a reflection of your relationship or how much he cares about you.
And remember that you're not alone in dealing with the fallout from a chaotic childhood, there's plenty of people out there who understand and can relate to what you're going through. And don't be afraid to seek out professional help, a therapist or counselor can be a huge help in processing and working through the trauma of a difficult childhood. Keep pushing through, bro.
Wow… you complain about your GF not trusting you… yet you are DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO BREACH HER TRUST
Staying in the SAME building… u sure that’s a coincidence… going on a trip with another couple smells DOUBLE date…. Not telling your gf is straight up lying!
Dress it up however you want… your gf is RIGHT to be concerned and you are bordering emotional cheating at this point … keep lying to your gf… I hope she dumps you as she deserves better!!
I’m going to try to be as respectful as possible and I genuinely apologize for coming off as mean here, but I feel the need to be blunt because you need to hear it.
Let’s start with the age gap. Logically, you two are in different life stages. It made me wonder when you started dating. So I went to the post you referenced here which brought a few things to light. First of which that you started dating her when she was presumably 17 and you were 21. That’s obviously going to raise red flags on its own.
Even if we ignore all that, the post from last year warranted a break up and you were given advice accordingly. Clearly you didn’t take it.
But here we are now and you’re asking whether or not you’re the “bad guy.” Why does that even matter? She broke up with you. Even if I or anyone else were to tell you you’re not, what then? It wouldn’t change anything.
Unfortunately, I’m not here telling you you’re not. We obviously don’t have much context here, so we’re in no position to suggest either of you are “right” or that there’s not fault on both sides. I’m certain there is.
At the end of the day, the two of you had issues that never got resolved and you were both obviously miserable. Should she have just ended things sooner as opposed to just cutting you off? Absolutely. At the very least, after two months she did.
As for your living situation, if you can’t afford to on-line elsewhere, how can you afford to live in your apartment? Having said that, break up or not, I wouldn’t advise you leave if the alternative is homelessness. That’s separate from your relationship status. In a perfect world you’d not online with each other right now but if it’s truly not a viable option in terms of shelter, then you just can’t do that.
Why is the car in your name? Makes no sense. Much of this makes no sense.
Her finding out is in my control. I start acting different or moving sketchy. She has all access to my phone and like I’ve said many times I am the man I need to be for her all around. Financially & emotionally. The basics of a relationship are there with extra wifey treatment. There are 365 days a year and 5 of does days were spent with another women. Let’s be serious here.
Why are you doing girlfriend stuff for a mere FWB? Dude is a total asshole that is taking advantage of you and can’t even treat you nicely. Depending on whose house that is, either kick him out or leave, then never speak to the douche again.
I think a clarifying conversation would be helpful. I like to address concerns or uncertainty with curiosity.
Try something like, “hey I wanted to revisit our conversation we had the other day. It’s important to me as a NB person that I know my partner supports me in my gender, and my community at large as part of the queer community. Help me understand, we’re you serious when you said you support Trump?”
Try to keep it flat, not “we’re you serious when you …” let him voice his side of things.
After the reply voice your truth. If he does, and it’s a deal breaker, I’m so sorry op, i want to support you in being firm in your stance. Not that people can’t change, but as an NB queer myself, I wouldn’t feel safe around someone who supports removing my rights and didn’t support my rights to start.
No, she ask to keep the house clean. Everything I do for example going to the toilet I check if its clean afterwards or not. Sometimes it happens that I left some hair on the toilet seat. She also does that and I dont mind at all.
Sometimes I leave empty packages in the kitchen or didnt put my plate in the dishwasher etc. She also does it and I clean it for her. Isnt this called being in a relationship? She could have said that I left sometime in the kitchen and then I would have cleaned it afterwards. When she leaves things dirty (which she does) I clean it up for her, It would never crossed my mind to yell at her and that im fed up being her mother and that im not her maid.
Well I can say what happened for her calling me a dirty dog.
I was complaing about our dog and said things like the dog is irritating me with his squicking in the morning etc (maybe I shouldnt have said it ).
Then she said why do you talk to our dog that way. Do you want me to begin about your father? (My father recently died of aggressive cancer and in a painfull way, my girlfriend hates my dad because he gets 'free' money from the government and her tax money is going to a person who doesnt want to work).
I was really upset about her comment regarding my father but needed to calm down and was quite. Then she said if I could come to bed and I declined and said im on my computer with a tone she didnt like. She asked if somethings wrong and I said no, I'm busy on the computer. Then she repeated the question and I said the same answer in the same tone. Then se became upset and screamed dirty dog at me.
You can't tell me you're considering a long term relationship here… I mean she's literally telling you when and how you're allowed to p***
I’ve been sole breadwinner before and would NOT do it again. It was crushing for me since my ex did not do anything to get an income and help out, he had all the excuses.
I don’t expect my partner to be a high earner or anything, just that we both contribute.
You need to communicate that you feel like you might be taken advantage of and that you need to see solid progress with this course and that he makes an effort.
Lmao ok now your really reaching. I look better at my “big ass age” than most little girls your age
Tell your brother that this is your choice and if they choose to continue their behavior knowing this is what makes you happy, they are not only disrespecting her, but ultimately yourself.
If your brother truly cares about you, he won’t let something as silly as a girlfriend wreck his relationship with you
I don't feel like interfering in his life anymore. I got my message that I am no longer a part although he lied a lot to me. I know he was not a good person in general because he told me he cheated on his previous girlfriends before. He also made one of his ex girlfriend's to have sex with him when she was married. He believed in manipulation as in he said sometimes you have to do it to get what you want out of girls here. He was sex crazy and I just didn't feel like giving in to someone like that so he made me pay by marrying just the next girl he could put his hands on. I checked the girls profile and found they got married in late August. Don't know when they started dating though. I don't want to ruin her life by sharing his past. Let the course of time decide what happens. I'm just in a lot of pain that I had to go through this and want to overcome as much as I can.
To the downvoters may I ask why
“Testes positive” made me hehe
Complaining too much is also hurting you. Start keeping a gratitude journal. Every day, write at least one thing you're grateful about. When you start actively looking for good stuff, it changes your mental outlook, and can be very healthy.
Best of luck.
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So do you want to be with someone who chooses you, or do you want to get back with someone who is only coming back to you because the life they chose didn't work out? You, like all people, deserve to be very special to the person you're with.
There was a House episode about this. Season 7 Episode 12.
I think it's more weird that you're fixated on this one very narrow metric of “friendship,” which is adding someone to social media, rather than just accepting that he has a sensible blanket policy in place to protect his professional reputation and it's not personal. If you have so many other, more important indicators that you're more than coworkers, you don't need this. You seem preoccupied with the notion that you should be an exception to the rule because hiking and families and all that, and that's cool that that's how you'd treat your social policy. Your rules are flexible. Nothing wrong with that. His aren't. Nothing wrong with that, either. You can make it a big deal or just accept that he doesn't add coworkers to social media, and not make it an “if we were REAL friends” thing.
That's some heavy stuff to have to deal with, and I feel for you. As for your brother, it sounds like he's got his own demons to deal with and maybe he's not able to be as present in your life as you'd like him to be. But don't give up hope, sometimes people just need time and space to work through their own stuff.
My suggestion would be to keep reaching out to him, but don't put too much pressure on him to respond or engage. Let him know that you care about him and you're there for him whenever he's ready to talk. And remember that you can only control your own actions and reactions, you can't control how he behaves.
I know it's very hot, but try not to take it too personally when he doesn't respond or engage. It's not a reflection of your relationship or how much he cares about you.
And remember that you're not alone in dealing with the fallout from a chaotic childhood, there's plenty of people out there who understand and can relate to what you're going through. And don't be afraid to seek out professional help, a therapist or counselor can be a huge help in processing and working through the trauma of a difficult childhood. Keep pushing through, bro.
You FU by dating a teenager.
He wants someone to fuck without expectations from you, not a relationship.
I would probably just back off from offering any advice. Sometimes people just want to vent.
Yeah this is the reply that made me think OP has to be a troll
Wow… you complain about your GF not trusting you… yet you are DOING EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO BREACH HER TRUST
Staying in the SAME building… u sure that’s a coincidence… going on a trip with another couple smells DOUBLE date…. Not telling your gf is straight up lying!
Dress it up however you want… your gf is RIGHT to be concerned and you are bordering emotional cheating at this point … keep lying to your gf… I hope she dumps you as she deserves better!!
I’m going to try to be as respectful as possible and I genuinely apologize for coming off as mean here, but I feel the need to be blunt because you need to hear it.
Let’s start with the age gap. Logically, you two are in different life stages. It made me wonder when you started dating. So I went to the post you referenced here which brought a few things to light. First of which that you started dating her when she was presumably 17 and you were 21. That’s obviously going to raise red flags on its own.
Even if we ignore all that, the post from last year warranted a break up and you were given advice accordingly. Clearly you didn’t take it.
But here we are now and you’re asking whether or not you’re the “bad guy.” Why does that even matter? She broke up with you. Even if I or anyone else were to tell you you’re not, what then? It wouldn’t change anything.
Unfortunately, I’m not here telling you you’re not. We obviously don’t have much context here, so we’re in no position to suggest either of you are “right” or that there’s not fault on both sides. I’m certain there is.
At the end of the day, the two of you had issues that never got resolved and you were both obviously miserable. Should she have just ended things sooner as opposed to just cutting you off? Absolutely. At the very least, after two months she did.
As for your living situation, if you can’t afford to on-line elsewhere, how can you afford to live in your apartment? Having said that, break up or not, I wouldn’t advise you leave if the alternative is homelessness. That’s separate from your relationship status. In a perfect world you’d not online with each other right now but if it’s truly not a viable option in terms of shelter, then you just can’t do that.
Why is the car in your name? Makes no sense. Much of this makes no sense.
You're telling all of us but can't tell him?
C'mon.
Her finding out is in my control. I start acting different or moving sketchy. She has all access to my phone and like I’ve said many times I am the man I need to be for her all around. Financially & emotionally. The basics of a relationship are there with extra wifey treatment. There are 365 days a year and 5 of does days were spent with another women. Let’s be serious here.
Why are you doing girlfriend stuff for a mere FWB? Dude is a total asshole that is taking advantage of you and can’t even treat you nicely. Depending on whose house that is, either kick him out or leave, then never speak to the douche again.
I think a clarifying conversation would be helpful. I like to address concerns or uncertainty with curiosity.
Try something like, “hey I wanted to revisit our conversation we had the other day. It’s important to me as a NB person that I know my partner supports me in my gender, and my community at large as part of the queer community. Help me understand, we’re you serious when you said you support Trump?”
Try to keep it flat, not “we’re you serious when you …” let him voice his side of things.
After the reply voice your truth. If he does, and it’s a deal breaker, I’m so sorry op, i want to support you in being firm in your stance. Not that people can’t change, but as an NB queer myself, I wouldn’t feel safe around someone who supports removing my rights and didn’t support my rights to start.
If anything needs clarifying, please ask.
Any idea when/who decided on the due date change?
Can you cite a source for this? I'd love to read up on this.
They sing ccidentally in Love” together? Awww how cute.
Gurl. You need to “Accidentally divorce” his ass. He needs some boundaries.
No, she ask to keep the house clean. Everything I do for example going to the toilet I check if its clean afterwards or not. Sometimes it happens that I left some hair on the toilet seat. She also does that and I dont mind at all.
Sometimes I leave empty packages in the kitchen or didnt put my plate in the dishwasher etc. She also does it and I clean it for her. Isnt this called being in a relationship? She could have said that I left sometime in the kitchen and then I would have cleaned it afterwards. When she leaves things dirty (which she does) I clean it up for her, It would never crossed my mind to yell at her and that im fed up being her mother and that im not her maid.
Well I can say what happened for her calling me a dirty dog.
I was complaing about our dog and said things like the dog is irritating me with his squicking in the morning etc (maybe I shouldnt have said it ).
Then she said why do you talk to our dog that way. Do you want me to begin about your father? (My father recently died of aggressive cancer and in a painfull way, my girlfriend hates my dad because he gets 'free' money from the government and her tax money is going to a person who doesnt want to work).
I was really upset about her comment regarding my father but needed to calm down and was quite. Then she said if I could come to bed and I declined and said im on my computer with a tone she didnt like. She asked if somethings wrong and I said no, I'm busy on the computer. Then she repeated the question and I said the same answer in the same tone. Then se became upset and screamed dirty dog at me.
This is what happened.