I'm sorry, there's just not enough detail here to figure out what is going on with your romantic relationship without opening up a whole new question without the details.
Sheās defo struggling to see your side. From her side itās a novelty, funny thing that happened. Him giving her a lap dance wasnāt titillating or gratifying for her. I suppose thatās why she told you so freely. Women donāt normally get lap dances, and him being gay was a safety net because she knew itās literally just a gay man doing a weirdly sexual dance at people, it wasnāt going anywhere.
Iāve only experienced a very hot butler and that was enough, itās mortifying being picked on at the time and funny later. Also almost no one wants balls in their face.
Itās understandable why your upset, like if sheās snogged a gay man that defo wouldnāt be ok so why would this? But for her she literally didnt think it was anything serious because the only thing she saw in it was a joke.
Threatening to harm an animal isnāt a joke, Iād bring it up again, if his response is more or less the same, cut things off but Iād be highly considering it already.
My now husband and I met while we lived in different countries and were in constant communication with one another, memes, checking in, random chats, etc.
It's entirely within the scope of reason that OP wants to have regular communication but perhaps her SO does not feel the same need or associate the communication with affection.
My recommendation to OP is to communicate that their love language or relationship needs involve a steady communication.
If youāre going to be at home now, why make an issue of it would be my question.. if his intentions are poor then heāll most likely disappear of his own accord anyway.
Also, you can be insecure and also want an open and honest relationship, those things arenāt mutually exclusive and it sounds like you are a little. Nobody reacts well to being told that they shouldnāt be around someone.
At a certain point it becomes policing their feelings. Like, what theyāre saying isnāt inherently wrong, canāt you choose to hear it as āhow can we resolve thisā instead of getting angry about their exact wording?
I feel sorry for you. I imagine your husband will try to act like what he said was just venting or claim youāre making too big a deal of it, etc then somehow make you feel like the one at fault again. It makes me angry that he even showed up to your familyās Christmas dinner. You deserve better.
I do need to remember that sheās an adult who can manage her own emotions. Itās just hot when I want to help! Iām going to be more vocal about my needs and reassess how fulfilled I feel after the trip.
Amen! I go skinny dipping with my friends in the summer and theres nothing sexual about it, just enjoying the sea and the sun. What does this guy think happens?
Sure, but your point was that CP and bestiality isn't consent; neither is sizeable portion of porn.
And CP and bestiality are wrong and forbidden. I don't think that just because it's a kink or an interest exempts porn use from being analyzed and associated with some level of attraction to whatever is being consumed, on a basic, real life level.
To play it out, to watch it, I believe that desire or interest is present at some fundamental level. Why don't you think so? If not, where does it come from? Why is a person more likely to watch one type of wrong or forbidden porn category and keep coming back to that versus another?
Donāt even try lmao because I said the same thing and ur wasting ur time with him heās super white as he said so no flavor no vibe just basic af. The whole thread is basic because as a Dominican itās normal ughh this whole sub is weird atp
it's a USA thing, not a Western thing. in the UK university students share flats (usually with a common room and a shared kitchen, possibly shared bathrooms) but not bedrooms
Well, she clearly isn't ok with having contact with exes. She's allowed to have that view. I personally have the same view but I let it be known very early on. She should have communicated that to you long before you two agreed to marry each other.
It sounds like there are some serious communication issues going on here that are a much bigger problem than you two disagreeing on talking with exes. Is she keeping the phone on silent, or did she go out of her way to keep her phone from showing any pop up info when she gets texts, etc? I find the second one to be way more sus. I keep my ringer off bc constant dinging annoys me to no end, but my notifications are all on and pop right up on my screen – which I leave sitting out if I'm not on it.
The fact she just huffs around and won't say what's bothering her is not something I'd be willing to take into a marriage.
Explain what your question has to do with what I responded to here, because I donāt get what you mean. Itās a valid question to ask how her husband found out the details of where her friend was. Her friend is not his partner here, she is.
Itās one thing if you want to do it. But him requiring it is a problem. That is what his hand is for. He is using you as a sex toy and making himself entitled to it for his mental issues. That should put you in a bad mood to want to get rid of him but instead youāre worried about his feelings instead of his lack of respect for you. He has no business saying or comparing you to other girls doing it. That is very manipulative. He makes it sound like that heās keeping a flock around that heās still using too.
Surely you realize he wants a vacation-length break so he can cheat on you on this trip, right? He and āthe boysā have obviously got some sex tourism planned. Iām baffled why you havenāt told him to make the break permanent. Thereās no way you canāt be aware heās planning to cheat, so why are you trying to salvage this unsalvageable relationship by following him on vacation like a sad puppy? Dump this asshole.
But it got me thinking. What if he doesnāt have the intentions to marry me at all
have a serious talk w him. have him start saving and all that, if by the end of the year he still doesn't have anything saved, then move on. why waste more time on him
This is the first time in many months I actually see a person who's whining like a baby and creates unnecessary drama over things.
Is this like you deal with every chore? Every conflict and non-conflict stumble?
“I'm having a bad day, don't pressure me, can't talk about it right now”. And when can you talk? Today, tomorrow, never? How often do you say this?
I'm sorry, depression and stuff (been there, done that) but why do I have a feeling that “I'm having a bad day, can't talk about it” is your every day go-to phrase?
If there's depression – go to therapy or whatever's available.
But if there's just your general unwillingness to actually discuss issues in a mature fashion, then no advice will help you unless you stop throwing your excuses around.
“I'm depressed, I'm quiet, it's all depressing, I'm so low energy, I'm independent”. Well, learn to deal with you mental shit and communicate as a grown up person instead of whining and finding excuses.
Iām in a situation like that except Iām the older guy with a crush on a younger girl. I donāt hide it as well aka she knows. Regardless, itās nice to work with people you like. I think youād know, go with your gut
If youāre not okay with it, thatās fine. Break up and find another virgin, otherwise itāll probably eat you up for years.
Iāve thought about doing that. But I love her. I truly do. Iāve never been so genuine with anyone. My heart and brain are torn.
I'm sorry, there's just not enough detail here to figure out what is going on with your romantic relationship without opening up a whole new question without the details.
Sheās defo struggling to see your side. From her side itās a novelty, funny thing that happened. Him giving her a lap dance wasnāt titillating or gratifying for her. I suppose thatās why she told you so freely. Women donāt normally get lap dances, and him being gay was a safety net because she knew itās literally just a gay man doing a weirdly sexual dance at people, it wasnāt going anywhere.
Iāve only experienced a very hot butler and that was enough, itās mortifying being picked on at the time and funny later. Also almost no one wants balls in their face.
Itās understandable why your upset, like if sheās snogged a gay man that defo wouldnāt be ok so why would this? But for her she literally didnt think it was anything serious because the only thing she saw in it was a joke.
Yea I want her number for sure.
Threatening to harm an animal isnāt a joke, Iād bring it up again, if his response is more or less the same, cut things off but Iād be highly considering it already.
Thatās not an excuse
People have different needs and expectations.
My now husband and I met while we lived in different countries and were in constant communication with one another, memes, checking in, random chats, etc.
It's entirely within the scope of reason that OP wants to have regular communication but perhaps her SO does not feel the same need or associate the communication with affection.
My recommendation to OP is to communicate that their love language or relationship needs involve a steady communication.
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I was stuck for two hours waiting with a young kid. I would rather quick jump myself, honestly.
If youāre going to be at home now, why make an issue of it would be my question.. if his intentions are poor then heāll most likely disappear of his own accord anyway.
Also, you can be insecure and also want an open and honest relationship, those things arenāt mutually exclusive and it sounds like you are a little. Nobody reacts well to being told that they shouldnāt be around someone.
At a certain point it becomes policing their feelings. Like, what theyāre saying isnāt inherently wrong, canāt you choose to hear it as āhow can we resolve thisā instead of getting angry about their exact wording?
I feel sorry for you. I imagine your husband will try to act like what he said was just venting or claim youāre making too big a deal of it, etc then somehow make you feel like the one at fault again. It makes me angry that he even showed up to your familyās Christmas dinner. You deserve better.
I do need to remember that sheās an adult who can manage her own emotions. Itās just hot when I want to help! Iām going to be more vocal about my needs and reassess how fulfilled I feel after the trip.
Amen! I go skinny dipping with my friends in the summer and theres nothing sexual about it, just enjoying the sea and the sun. What does this guy think happens?
Sure, but your point was that CP and bestiality isn't consent; neither is sizeable portion of porn.
And CP and bestiality are wrong and forbidden. I don't think that just because it's a kink or an interest exempts porn use from being analyzed and associated with some level of attraction to whatever is being consumed, on a basic, real life level.
To play it out, to watch it, I believe that desire or interest is present at some fundamental level. Why don't you think so? If not, where does it come from? Why is a person more likely to watch one type of wrong or forbidden porn category and keep coming back to that versus another?
Donāt even try lmao because I said the same thing and ur wasting ur time with him heās super white as he said so no flavor no vibe just basic af. The whole thread is basic because as a Dominican itās normal ughh this whole sub is weird atp
This is too hypothetical, what actually happened here?
If he fucked a minor heās a rapist full stop. You admitted thereās a chance it started when she was 16. By law that is rape.
are you into findom? hahaha
it's a USA thing, not a Western thing. in the UK university students share flats (usually with a common room and a shared kitchen, possibly shared bathrooms) but not bedrooms
Itās so creepy to keep anything!
Well, she clearly isn't ok with having contact with exes. She's allowed to have that view. I personally have the same view but I let it be known very early on. She should have communicated that to you long before you two agreed to marry each other.
It sounds like there are some serious communication issues going on here that are a much bigger problem than you two disagreeing on talking with exes. Is she keeping the phone on silent, or did she go out of her way to keep her phone from showing any pop up info when she gets texts, etc? I find the second one to be way more sus. I keep my ringer off bc constant dinging annoys me to no end, but my notifications are all on and pop right up on my screen – which I leave sitting out if I'm not on it.
The fact she just huffs around and won't say what's bothering her is not something I'd be willing to take into a marriage.
well you either on-line without sex, or you find someone you're compatible with.
Also you're not “impure” for wanting a normal, natural thing to want. Did you grow up in a very religious household? Sex is not impure.
If you did grow up in a sexually repressive household, i would venture that may have an impact on his sex drive. Therapy might help in this case.
Explain what your question has to do with what I responded to here, because I donāt get what you mean. Itās a valid question to ask how her husband found out the details of where her friend was. Her friend is not his partner here, she is.
Well if he returns the money you will not have paid for his motorcycle repair.
Itās one thing if you want to do it. But him requiring it is a problem. That is what his hand is for. He is using you as a sex toy and making himself entitled to it for his mental issues. That should put you in a bad mood to want to get rid of him but instead youāre worried about his feelings instead of his lack of respect for you. He has no business saying or comparing you to other girls doing it. That is very manipulative. He makes it sound like that heās keeping a flock around that heās still using too.
Surely you realize he wants a vacation-length break so he can cheat on you on this trip, right? He and āthe boysā have obviously got some sex tourism planned. Iām baffled why you havenāt told him to make the break permanent. Thereās no way you canāt be aware heās planning to cheat, so why are you trying to salvage this unsalvageable relationship by following him on vacation like a sad puppy? Dump this asshole.
But it got me thinking. What if he doesnāt have the intentions to marry me at all
have a serious talk w him. have him start saving and all that, if by the end of the year he still doesn't have anything saved, then move on. why waste more time on him
Oh. My. God.
This is the first time in many months I actually see a person who's whining like a baby and creates unnecessary drama over things.
Is this like you deal with every chore? Every conflict and non-conflict stumble?
“I'm having a bad day, don't pressure me, can't talk about it right now”. And when can you talk? Today, tomorrow, never? How often do you say this?
I'm sorry, depression and stuff (been there, done that) but why do I have a feeling that “I'm having a bad day, can't talk about it” is your every day go-to phrase?
If there's depression – go to therapy or whatever's available.
But if there's just your general unwillingness to actually discuss issues in a mature fashion, then no advice will help you unless you stop throwing your excuses around.
“I'm depressed, I'm quiet, it's all depressing, I'm so low energy, I'm independent”. Well, learn to deal with you mental shit and communicate as a grown up person instead of whining and finding excuses.
Iām in a situation like that except Iām the older guy with a crush on a younger girl. I donāt hide it as well aka she knows. Regardless, itās nice to work with people you like. I think youād know, go with your gut