I just might be your husband. Or at least, understand what he's going through. My partner and I are very similar.
It sounds like you have a lot of work to put into yourself, however I would like some info if possible: was he just hanging out with a friend, or was their some form of long-awaited event?
I think being there for your partner when they are vulnerable and in need trumps most hanhouts innately.
Again, I don't want this to undermine the fact that you absolutely need to work on yourself and how you view your partner/relationship, but it's good at least that you can recognize that
I think you need to be really blunt with her at this point. Initially it was kind to give her some grace as it’s probably a weird hormonal thing as she’s reaching the end of her fertility and there’s a new baby about.
But honestly it’s an ABSOLUTE NO for you to have one to ‘appease her’. First step, decide for definite if you want one. Really think about it. Get a therapist if you think it’ll help. Make a decision. Make it for YOU not for the sake of your relationship or for her. Do YOU want another child?
If you decide you want one, problem solved.
If you decide you don’t. Then you need to sit her down and say unequivocally that you will not be having another child. Tell her you love her and want to spend the rest of your life together, but you do not want another child.
Tell her she need to really think about this. She needs to decide if she is going to have another baby. She needs to make her own decision and be firm. She needs to make this decision knowing that the father WONT be you. That’s the reality. She can’t decide she wants one but only with you. Because you have told her you will not be a father again. So knowing that, does she want a baby?
If she decides she does, you break up. She find someone to have a child with, or uses fertility services and raises it herself. Or something.
If she decides she doesn’t, it needs to be HER decision. She cannot hold it against you and fester resentment for the rest of your relationship. It would be unfair to both of you.
Remind her that you love her, that you want to be with her. Remind her that it’s okay to be realising that she is reaching the end of her fertility and that she is okay to be grieving what could have been. That’s normal and it’s okay. Tell her therapy could be really useful in helping her sort out her feelings. To help her make sure she is making the right decision for the right reasons. Remind her you are there to listen and support her too, if she wants. You won’t judge her. You’ll just listen. You want her to be happy. You love her.
Your vehicle- your right to use it at your own discretion. Take all the emotion out. Tell him so long as he is using your vehicle you have the right to know where it is and when it will be available for your use.
Then watch HIM get emotional about not having control.
Considering you already help her with bills and whatnot, and it was her choice to move out, I don’t see why she feels entitled to even more help than she’s already getting from you. Inviting her to Disney world probably would have been a bad idea too since she moved out to get away from your new family.
Just saying for example the amount of love bombed I have been is accepting an engagement within two hours of meeting someone and having them move in within a week.
So I'm panicked but he's not shown any signs of anything bad.
Of course she would think that. If I saw another man’s face at the top of my wife of 25 years phone messages, I will ask her to hand me the phone immediately. We don’t negotiate on something like this. Listen, there are no secrets in a marriage if you want it to last. She’s untrustworthy.
I have always felt “off” and different from my peers. It was really bad in high school, but even at 55 I feel it. Trouble making friends, trouble keeping friends. Last year I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I realized I’ve been trying to mask my entire life. Now I’m on medication, and my social anxiety is gone. So I don’t mask anymore and I don’t care what other people think. Ironically I’m now more open and friendly than when I was trying to fit in.
That is absolutely untrue. I’m shocked you feel so confident as to speak for such a large group of women, but no, that is not true at all.
I don’t have any medical conditions, and I prefer dicks on the smaller side. It’s not like sex with above average dicks is not doable, but usually, it just ends up being uncomfortable, especially if it lasts for more than 10 mins, which I usually prefer it to. Big dicks are fun to look at, and that’s where the fun ends, for me. With average or a little below average, I don’t have to worry about it being uncomfortable, we can have rough sex and I won’t be sore for the next few days. I can impress with my deepthroat skills lol and they’re just funner to suck on in general lol. I don’t have to worry about trying to keep my jaw open all the way to avoid scraping teeth (which, again, is painful after a while).
Plus, there’s also the fact that a lot of guys with big dicks seem to have an attitude that that’s all they need to be good in bed, and therefore, they actually very much lack skill. They’re also more likely to be cocky and not listen to feedback. Of course this isn’t universally true, but it is much more common than in average size or smaller men. And that is an unfortunate product of how society glorifies one body type over others.
But anyway.. I’m rambling.. I just want to end this post by reiterating how much I absolutely love average/small dicks. And I’m not the only one who feels this way!
It might be worth looking into TESE to see if there is any sperm that could be frozen for ICSI. (here a bipsy of the testicle is taken and the andrologist will look for sperm in the thr tubes). Get in touch with your clinic to see if they recommend a repeat in three months.
Have you been sick and had a severe fever in the last few months? Any antibiotics? Do you cycle or take hard baths or use saunas regularly? Have you ever used steroids or do you use any protein shake live! that may have steroids in it? (not saying there are steroids is not the same as there not being steroids). Did you have mumps or any other fever causing illness as a kid or teenager? Do you have both testicles, are they a normal size and are they both descended? Have you ever had a torsion?
Not all clinics are made equal so think about th de and tell your clinic in case they didn't ask.
Tell your partner straight away and comfort eachother, you're both young and have options but you need to work together and comfort eachother.
“It’s true that I don’t have any local friends, and I’ve been very busy in grad school and working full time.”
I see where you’re coming from, but also think this may be the basis for a lot of your frustration. Asynchronous schedules are awful, but I do think it’s important to also take time outside of work for friends. I think one day a weekend for significant others and one for friends is a good compromise. It would be good for you to also make a support network of friends in your area and that way you too have something to do on Sundays if you want. I’ve been there, it’s hard to make friends, but relying on your partner for all of your social, physical and emotional needs can put a lot of pressure on them that actually causes them to pull away.
I think it’s also important to carve out time during the weekdays for each other whether it’s having one meal together (maybe an early dinner based on your schedules) or just an hour of time to talk about your days and do something together. Is that possible with your asynchronous schedules?
I would just sit down and have an open and honest conversation with him. Don’t be accusatory or demand certain things. Instead use I feel phrases, acknowledge what you’ve said here in your last paragraph, and discuss together possible ways to set aside time together.
Have you seen a therapist about all of this? Maybe he isn’t right for you, maybe you have some anxiety?
Are you happy in other parts of your life? Is there things you do enjoy doing?
What is something you would enjoy doing? Not him- you. So decide to do that thing and ask him if he wants to come. See if a shared activity ( where the thing is fun for you) gives you any perspective.
Also get on a birth control that you can control. If you are not sure about the marriage, kids will only complicate the picture.
Then run to the other man. You are getting divorced. Why not? I mean he is extremely lovable and charming. Right? You deserve 100% of the blame, you could have said no. And you didn’t.
So let me get this straight: she spent a whole day cooking for your party but when you pushed hot for a date she balked and you got aggressive and cold with her to which she said “ok bye then” and you continued to push her and she blocked you.
You wonder why she blocked you?
She blocked you because she wasn’t interested in you and you got mean and aggressive about it. And then kept texting her demanding a date.
Leave her alone. She’s no longer interested in having any contact with you.
Also: you sound like an asshole. Shape up or women will start warming each other about you.
Yeahhhhh. I can see you’re trying to be a judgmental bitch about it with that statement. “You just wanted validation(!)”.
Yeah. I really am exploring this honestly, and bitchiness aside, yes. I did just need it. And, I got it from myself. Maybe that’s exactly what I needed.
Thanks for your input, it was taken into short consideration. But, after thinking it over, yeah. Im going to get this body ravished. I might be “selfish” —but I’m going to make my completely legal, albeit morally questionable, decision. -insert sexy evil laugh-…???
You should work on that for yourself. I would love to see you young adults back in the 80/90s when I grew up. Be patient, I'm sure you are well aware that they could be busy and unable to respond. I'm just curious do you do this with friends/family or just people you're dating.
Like I said, I make it clear EVERY time that I’m not romantically interested in them.
This thought did come to my mind but I didn't want it to be true. Thank you, I should follow my heart.
I just might be your husband. Or at least, understand what he's going through. My partner and I are very similar.
It sounds like you have a lot of work to put into yourself, however I would like some info if possible: was he just hanging out with a friend, or was their some form of long-awaited event?
I think being there for your partner when they are vulnerable and in need trumps most hanhouts innately.
Again, I don't want this to undermine the fact that you absolutely need to work on yourself and how you view your partner/relationship, but it's good at least that you can recognize that
Haha dat is waar, thanks 😉
She must be really good at manipulating you.
Either that or this is her posting.
Once you are past high school and beyond college-aged, a majority of the people you meet in your entire life will usually be at work.
Since that's where you meet the most people, that's where you meet people to have sex with.
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It's not man made. Therefore not a drug. Drugs are man made in my opinion
I think you need to be really blunt with her at this point. Initially it was kind to give her some grace as it’s probably a weird hormonal thing as she’s reaching the end of her fertility and there’s a new baby about.
But honestly it’s an ABSOLUTE NO for you to have one to ‘appease her’. First step, decide for definite if you want one. Really think about it. Get a therapist if you think it’ll help. Make a decision. Make it for YOU not for the sake of your relationship or for her. Do YOU want another child?
If you decide you want one, problem solved.
If you decide you don’t. Then you need to sit her down and say unequivocally that you will not be having another child. Tell her you love her and want to spend the rest of your life together, but you do not want another child.
Tell her she need to really think about this. She needs to decide if she is going to have another baby. She needs to make her own decision and be firm. She needs to make this decision knowing that the father WONT be you. That’s the reality. She can’t decide she wants one but only with you. Because you have told her you will not be a father again. So knowing that, does she want a baby?
If she decides she does, you break up. She find someone to have a child with, or uses fertility services and raises it herself. Or something.
If she decides she doesn’t, it needs to be HER decision. She cannot hold it against you and fester resentment for the rest of your relationship. It would be unfair to both of you.
Remind her that you love her, that you want to be with her. Remind her that it’s okay to be realising that she is reaching the end of her fertility and that she is okay to be grieving what could have been. That’s normal and it’s okay. Tell her therapy could be really useful in helping her sort out her feelings. To help her make sure she is making the right decision for the right reasons. Remind her you are there to listen and support her too, if she wants. You won’t judge her. You’ll just listen. You want her to be happy. You love her.
Your vehicle- your right to use it at your own discretion. Take all the emotion out. Tell him so long as he is using your vehicle you have the right to know where it is and when it will be available for your use.
Then watch HIM get emotional about not having control.
Because you're letting him.
This. Either you are a person of interest or you are the least likely applicant.
Full blown scumbag behavior. This is just the beginning. If he can't get a refund, he can get himself a fresh pair of tits.
So by that logic you admit that you cut off the chase as soon as you had sex?
It's reading as you got what you want and then you gave up on everything else. You are only blaming her for the sex when it takes two to tango.
Dude, she's made her requirements clear for if the relationship was to develop and you didn't meet it. Tough luck.
Trying to puff up your ego more like.
Considering you already help her with bills and whatnot, and it was her choice to move out, I don’t see why she feels entitled to even more help than she’s already getting from you. Inviting her to Disney world probably would have been a bad idea too since she moved out to get away from your new family.
Just saying for example the amount of love bombed I have been is accepting an engagement within two hours of meeting someone and having them move in within a week.
So I'm panicked but he's not shown any signs of anything bad.
These days you can talk to a therapist by zoom or Skype. It’s not as good as being in the same room as the therapist, but it can work.
Of course she would think that. If I saw another man’s face at the top of my wife of 25 years phone messages, I will ask her to hand me the phone immediately. We don’t negotiate on something like this. Listen, there are no secrets in a marriage if you want it to last. She’s untrustworthy.
No.
Delete it.
You never double down.
I have always felt “off” and different from my peers. It was really bad in high school, but even at 55 I feel it. Trouble making friends, trouble keeping friends. Last year I was diagnosed with ADHD, and I realized I’ve been trying to mask my entire life. Now I’m on medication, and my social anxiety is gone. So I don’t mask anymore and I don’t care what other people think. Ironically I’m now more open and friendly than when I was trying to fit in.
Or both…
That is absolutely untrue. I’m shocked you feel so confident as to speak for such a large group of women, but no, that is not true at all.
I don’t have any medical conditions, and I prefer dicks on the smaller side. It’s not like sex with above average dicks is not doable, but usually, it just ends up being uncomfortable, especially if it lasts for more than 10 mins, which I usually prefer it to. Big dicks are fun to look at, and that’s where the fun ends, for me. With average or a little below average, I don’t have to worry about it being uncomfortable, we can have rough sex and I won’t be sore for the next few days. I can impress with my deepthroat skills lol and they’re just funner to suck on in general lol. I don’t have to worry about trying to keep my jaw open all the way to avoid scraping teeth (which, again, is painful after a while).
Plus, there’s also the fact that a lot of guys with big dicks seem to have an attitude that that’s all they need to be good in bed, and therefore, they actually very much lack skill. They’re also more likely to be cocky and not listen to feedback. Of course this isn’t universally true, but it is much more common than in average size or smaller men. And that is an unfortunate product of how society glorifies one body type over others.
But anyway.. I’m rambling.. I just want to end this post by reiterating how much I absolutely love average/small dicks. And I’m not the only one who feels this way!
It might be worth looking into TESE to see if there is any sperm that could be frozen for ICSI. (here a bipsy of the testicle is taken and the andrologist will look for sperm in the thr tubes). Get in touch with your clinic to see if they recommend a repeat in three months.
Have you been sick and had a severe fever in the last few months? Any antibiotics? Do you cycle or take hard baths or use saunas regularly? Have you ever used steroids or do you use any protein shake live! that may have steroids in it? (not saying there are steroids is not the same as there not being steroids). Did you have mumps or any other fever causing illness as a kid or teenager? Do you have both testicles, are they a normal size and are they both descended? Have you ever had a torsion?
Not all clinics are made equal so think about th de and tell your clinic in case they didn't ask.
Tell your partner straight away and comfort eachother, you're both young and have options but you need to work together and comfort eachother.
Dm if you have any andrology questions
Tell your grandma if she doesn’t keep her opinions to her self roger won’t even be a guest.
If you can't live! with a secret, best to tell him sooner rather than later. Keep calm and keep it short though as you've done nothing wrong.
Ok, I'll see how that goes.
“It’s true that I don’t have any local friends, and I’ve been very busy in grad school and working full time.”
I see where you’re coming from, but also think this may be the basis for a lot of your frustration. Asynchronous schedules are awful, but I do think it’s important to also take time outside of work for friends. I think one day a weekend for significant others and one for friends is a good compromise. It would be good for you to also make a support network of friends in your area and that way you too have something to do on Sundays if you want. I’ve been there, it’s hard to make friends, but relying on your partner for all of your social, physical and emotional needs can put a lot of pressure on them that actually causes them to pull away.
I think it’s also important to carve out time during the weekdays for each other whether it’s having one meal together (maybe an early dinner based on your schedules) or just an hour of time to talk about your days and do something together. Is that possible with your asynchronous schedules?
I would just sit down and have an open and honest conversation with him. Don’t be accusatory or demand certain things. Instead use I feel phrases, acknowledge what you’ve said here in your last paragraph, and discuss together possible ways to set aside time together.
Sounds like BPD + possible boredom in the relationship, seems to me that you need/crave some excitement/spice in life.
Have you asked out another women’s friend after said women rejected you for 6 months?
Have you seen a therapist about all of this? Maybe he isn’t right for you, maybe you have some anxiety?
Are you happy in other parts of your life? Is there things you do enjoy doing?
What is something you would enjoy doing? Not him- you. So decide to do that thing and ask him if he wants to come. See if a shared activity ( where the thing is fun for you) gives you any perspective.
Also get on a birth control that you can control. If you are not sure about the marriage, kids will only complicate the picture.
Check the recording laws in your state. Sometimes audio recording someone without their consent is against the law.
Friend of mine did cabaret burlesque, not even fully hard. That was a nope. Last thing I want is a boner from a friend
Then run to the other man. You are getting divorced. Why not? I mean he is extremely lovable and charming. Right? You deserve 100% of the blame, you could have said no. And you didn’t.
Long =/= good
Plus the joke? Every joke has a pinch of truth.
Op’s toxic friend I think deep down wants to be Op and have her BF!
Your BF is cheating.
So let me get this straight: she spent a whole day cooking for your party but when you pushed hot for a date she balked and you got aggressive and cold with her to which she said “ok bye then” and you continued to push her and she blocked you.
You wonder why she blocked you?
She blocked you because she wasn’t interested in you and you got mean and aggressive about it. And then kept texting her demanding a date.
Leave her alone. She’s no longer interested in having any contact with you.
Also: you sound like an asshole. Shape up or women will start warming each other about you.
Yeahhhhh. I can see you’re trying to be a judgmental bitch about it with that statement. “You just wanted validation(!)”.
Yeah. I really am exploring this honestly, and bitchiness aside, yes. I did just need it. And, I got it from myself. Maybe that’s exactly what I needed.
Thanks for your input, it was taken into short consideration. But, after thinking it over, yeah. Im going to get this body ravished. I might be “selfish” —but I’m going to make my completely legal, albeit morally questionable, decision. -insert sexy evil laugh-…???
You should work on that for yourself. I would love to see you young adults back in the 80/90s when I grew up. Be patient, I'm sure you are well aware that they could be busy and unable to respond. I'm just curious do you do this with friends/family or just people you're dating.
Never.
Sex as sport, my friend.
Let the games begin.