It can be hot for people to see the issues their families have but it can be eye-opening to see our families of origin through our partner's eyes if we're willing to see it. The first thing to do is to let go of them becoming more like your family. They are who they are. After that, you can lightly nudge your partner to stand up for himself sometimes, but tread lightly. If he willingly does stuff like babysit without reciprocity, that's kind of his business (unless it's really affecting you.) You've presumably pointed it out to him, and that's fine, and you can keep doing it within reason, but ultimately that's kind of up to him. If they start trying to treat you that way though you do not need to go along with it.
You arrange for someone to care for the kids for a weekend and sit her down to talk about how you are feeling. And tell her the two of you need to make some changes, including going to marriage counseling. She needs to know how serious this is. I see so many couples like this in my office. I’m a divorce lawyer.
I once had trouble getting over someone that I loved. What I did was I listed out all the things I loved about that person and all the things I did not like about that person.
Accept and treasure the things that you loved about them. Really cherish it, and then, tell yourself you are never going to get those from the same person again. Allow yourself to mourn that. It may take a long time and it may be very hot, but once you accept those things are gone, then you can move on.
Then, with your other list, ponder why you did not like those things about them. Figure out how you can grow past them by making sure that you find someone who can be better for you AND how you can build up yourself to go beyond those things. For you, the main thing will be love. You have someone who loves you more than Ben ever did. That is something you should treasure.
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You don’t owe him anything. He’s shown you who he is. Leave.
It can be hot for people to see the issues their families have but it can be eye-opening to see our families of origin through our partner's eyes if we're willing to see it. The first thing to do is to let go of them becoming more like your family. They are who they are. After that, you can lightly nudge your partner to stand up for himself sometimes, but tread lightly. If he willingly does stuff like babysit without reciprocity, that's kind of his business (unless it's really affecting you.) You've presumably pointed it out to him, and that's fine, and you can keep doing it within reason, but ultimately that's kind of up to him. If they start trying to treat you that way though you do not need to go along with it.
OP also paid for her education. At this point OP's biggest mistake might be spoiling her financially.
For a fwb? The whole point is it is supposed to be easy for you.
When its not convenient find one who is.
You arrange for someone to care for the kids for a weekend and sit her down to talk about how you are feeling. And tell her the two of you need to make some changes, including going to marriage counseling. She needs to know how serious this is. I see so many couples like this in my office. I’m a divorce lawyer.
Ghezus, if this erupts into a fight, this is the least of your worries.
People google stuff in the midst of things all the time… get over it.
I once had trouble getting over someone that I loved. What I did was I listed out all the things I loved about that person and all the things I did not like about that person.
Accept and treasure the things that you loved about them. Really cherish it, and then, tell yourself you are never going to get those from the same person again. Allow yourself to mourn that. It may take a long time and it may be very hot, but once you accept those things are gone, then you can move on.
Then, with your other list, ponder why you did not like those things about them. Figure out how you can grow past them by making sure that you find someone who can be better for you AND how you can build up yourself to go beyond those things. For you, the main thing will be love. You have someone who loves you more than Ben ever did. That is something you should treasure.