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Sarah, 32 y.o.
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Date: October 30, 2022
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Thank you very much for the kind words. Everything transpired this morning and we didn't even really get to talk because everyone was rushing to pack for checkout.
I don't know if they'll be my friends again. But I can only hope this wake-up call means I won't do this to anyone else ever again…
Because I'm not tired at 9pm. We've been together 5 years, our sleeping patterns have always been like this.
My fiancee's concern isn't about the time I go to bed, it's about the baby waking up. If she asked me to sleep earlier, then that would be a different discussion. She just read that bit about suggesting that I go to bed when they go to bed. She laughed and said it'd just waste time.
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Google stonewalling as that’s what she’s doing. If there’s an argument and one person needs space to clear their head, they let the other person know how long they need (an hour, a day, maybe more only if it’s a really big issue like cheating) and then after that they agree to come back to resolve the problem. But to just say they need space and give no time frame, to make you just sit and wait with out knowing at what point they’ll be ready to talk again, that’s poor conflict resolution skills, and could even be considered manipulative.
Oh, maybe she does but she's been like this her entire life so I doubt it's linked to her old age. That said, chances are slim she'll change at this age.
It's really nude to know because everyone is individual and it sounds like they had a rough start, so I appreciate it's easier said than done.
Usually it's best to tackle these conversations in a calm period, rather than when it's actually happening. I've heard that phrasing things from a “how you feel” perspective is better than accusatory language. So tell them how you feel when they react like that and your concerns about the future stability/ health of your relationship. You need to feel safe coming to them with this sort of thing. Maybe you could even suggest a code word/ joke for lightening the mood if it happens again, so they can recognise what's happening to help break the pattern?
There's a lot to unpack with why they react so dramatically and it's something therapy would ideally address. I doubt you'll get changes overnight, but safe communication should be your priority with each other.
Maybe they can at least read some self-help books and you can listen to couple's therapy podcasts together as a start?
The friend is just some dude. The wife is the one with vows to uphold.
First of all. You are over thinking this a lot.
She is going through a very traumatic experience. It may be the first person passing that she really cared about etc.
Your job right now first and foremost is to be a good friend. You are not dating this person per say. You are still in the interviewing stage so to speak.
You should only be focused on making sure she is comfortable and understood. You should be completely empathetic to her feeling of loss right now.
She is still choosing to stay in contact and even meet up, all the while she is experiencing great loss in her life.
“I know we are new friends, but know that if at anytime you need anything I will do my best to help”
“I hope you and your family are getting through things, I will keep you in the my thoughts”
There’s a million things you can say to check in through out the week, or if she asks for space give her space.
There’s no reason to feel slighted or confused etc. she is still talking to you.
Just reassure her you are there for her if she needs it and leave it at that.
If after a month of you being supportive and caring and conveying that, she is still distant, then she may be separating herself for one reason or another.
Just focus on treating her like a friend for a while.
Gut feelings rarely wrong
Going by your posting history, this man has lied endlessly to you about all sorts, manipulated and financially abused you, told you he doesn't feel that much for you, and you're still seeing him? Why? I strongly suspect Sara was never a girlfriend, I bet she was his favourite performer at the club (or wherever her place of work was) and he's created this whole delusional fantasy about their life together. He probably stalked the poor woman-have you actually spoken to her? I'm sure it's an occupational hazard for erotic dancers or strippers to have customers turning creepy on them but it would be interesting to hear her version of events. Meanwhile, this is yet more evidence of how little he cares about you and how much he disrespects you-lying to your partner should be a hardline no. From what you've written previously, he is incapable of being honest, either to you or himself. You deserve much better.
Ok then he’s just a tool sorry
Even later than that, only in 1974 was the Equal Credit Opportunity act passed giving women wanting to open their own bank account without a man signing for it the legal right to do so. Which meant that only in 1974 and after banks by law could no longer summarily dismiss women who asked
There may be someone else. Regardless, don't wait around for him. Delete him on all your social media and move on. He doesn't deserve to keep tabs when he's treated you this way!