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Alisexual, 30 y.o.
Location: England, United Kingdom
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Date: December 21, 2022
Here’s my advice post a tl;dr since you’re “all over the place”.
“But I had a lizard so that means I can take care of a puppy!”
You're right. I have to get over the fear of asking him. Communication is key in a relationship.
Neither honestly, just someone to spend my life with. No interest in kids, have nieces and nephews, which is plenty kids for me. Marriage, eh, if the other person is set on it, fine, but I don't really care.
“Hey, I like you and I’d like to get to know you better. Do you want to…” and then pick something to do. Asking doesn’t cost you anything.
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You probably do.
Strong in the projection, this one is.
this entire thread is the reddit positive-sexism at play. Tons of leeway for a 25 year old woman's feelings and OPs to blame for her feelings and immaturity. If this was a 25 year old man they'd be trashing on him for not being a real man and taking care of himself.
This sounds a bit familiar. Look up anxious and avoidant attachment types. Maybe you're usually a little anxious, but have never been with an avoidant type like your current bf. The emotional rollercoaster of kind of being together, but constantly being rejected is making your emotions run really, really high. It might feel like super intense love, but in reality it's just that your constantly stressed so your emotions are running wolf in general – your love isn't necessarily abnormally strong.
Ask yourself – what is this bf doing differently than your previous ones? My guess is that his behavior is playing a large role in how you react. Yes, you can get therapy (you should anyhow), but this doesn't mean you should neglect your core needs that currently aren't being met. He just doesn't sound like THE guy for you.
You are nearly 40 but you sound like you're 14. Then, in the next paragraph you sound like his mother. Time to move on. Bow out gracefully, stop texting, cancel the 1-hour weekly call and pull yourself together. Leave that kid alone.
I’m sorry you have had such a very hot go of things. But you must recognize having your first child after you turned 30, 15 years ago, is fundamentally different than having a child now at 19. It is apples to oranges.
It doesn’t take away from your hot work to acknowledge that it is, generally, harder now.
Firstly I think you should write down everything your feeling, it always helps me look at the big picture. Secondly it’s not about wether it has run its course or not. It’s about if your both willing to put in the work. I believe that all healthy relationships can be reignited if both sides want it. There are many ways and none of them can hurt. Talk to a therapist together(best option by far), I love my therapist he’s amazing. You could fake it till you make it. Act as if the fire is there: Go on romantic dates, watch movies together. Pretend as though you are both bursting with love for each other. Eventually I think it will come true, it may take some time. Another thing is to find something new: start a hobby together, binge a show. Bring in something new to the relationship. I also think taking a break is healthy. You don’t know what you have until it’s not there. Don’t see other people in this break but live! life separate from each other. Try this for a week or 2 and see how you feel.
If you don’t want to try these than maybe the relationship has run it’s course and that’s ok. End it on good terms, stay friends. No reason to lose a partner and a friend.
In no means does my advice replace what a therapist could give you. Reddit is great for outside opinions but not professional ones.
Yeah too much, it would be ok if it was 30 and 42. 20yo and a 32yo are in such different phases of life. I'm a very different person than I was at 20
“She’s a shrew who doesn’t understand him! But if he leaves her she’ll have nothing. oh, isn’t he such a good guy?!”
I hate to say it, but there's a simple and disappointing explanation for all this. The first baby was the first baby, new and exciting. And he had a few years of fatherhood under his belt on top of that. The second baby was, I'm sure, still a big deal to him, but not exciting and new.
Plus, frankly, newborn baby posts on FB are soooo old hat. They're a dime a dozen. It's kind of like your birthday when everyone wishes you a happy birthday and then within a week, nobody cares.
I'm guessing (purely guessing) that your bf doesn't care less, he's just a bit older and wiser about how little people on FB give a shit about the babies being born.
I could be wrong, but I know for a fact that what I just described does happen.
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