This is exactly it. I used to get caught up thinking the other person is the “problem” when the problem is always your partner in these situations, assuming you have communicated with them. Your gf thinks her time spent with this person is worth hurting you. Are you really going to potentially trust this person with your future?
I ask if it's ok if I rant about something if I know I'm gonna go on and on and have a couple friends who do the same, but I don't think anyone has ever said no, just made the other person aware if they're about to be busy or not able to respond for a while if it's over text. I prefer a heads up just so I know where to have my head at. I don't really understand this other type of relating, seems forced, my friends and I also know if someone has something ongoing and just not even ask to potentially be overbearing if we're aware
What do you want? You don't need to decide RIGHT NOW. Just go with the flow and focus on what YOU want.
Do you want to leave her? Leave her. She'll live!.
Do you want to stay? Then stay, but you can leave later if you need to.
Me?
– “Amanda is an affair partner. You will literally never speak to her again or see her again. This isn't a conversation or negotiation. These are terms. If that's not possible, we're over. I don't care how hot that is for you; you made your choice.”
– “Any 'it's different!' or 'I'm bi!' bullshit and it's over. We are a monogamous couple. If that doesn't work, tell me and we'll break this up now and you can on-line aUtHeNtIcAlLy.”
– “We might do couples therapy. Not sure right now. If you need to talk about your feelings for Amanda or whatever, go to individual therapy about it. I have zero interest in speaking to you about it. I'm not going to comfort you about how you lost a friend. You will not make yourself the victim of this around me.”
– “I have no idea how I'll feel about any of this in a week. I'm not going to commit to anything. I need to process the betrayal in my own way and on my own time. If that doesn't work for you, we can just end it now.”
This is exactly it. I used to get caught up thinking the other person is the “problem” when the problem is always your partner in these situations, assuming you have communicated with them. Your gf thinks her time spent with this person is worth hurting you. Are you really going to potentially trust this person with your future?
I ask if it's ok if I rant about something if I know I'm gonna go on and on and have a couple friends who do the same, but I don't think anyone has ever said no, just made the other person aware if they're about to be busy or not able to respond for a while if it's over text. I prefer a heads up just so I know where to have my head at. I don't really understand this other type of relating, seems forced, my friends and I also know if someone has something ongoing and just not even ask to potentially be overbearing if we're aware
You should get some therapy to work out why this should bother you in any way whatsoever, when you actually kissed people.
It sucks. Sorry to hear you're going through it too.
What should I do?
What do you want? You don't need to decide RIGHT NOW. Just go with the flow and focus on what YOU want.
Do you want to leave her? Leave her. She'll live!.
Do you want to stay? Then stay, but you can leave later if you need to.
Me?
– “Amanda is an affair partner. You will literally never speak to her again or see her again. This isn't a conversation or negotiation. These are terms. If that's not possible, we're over. I don't care how hot that is for you; you made your choice.”
– “Any 'it's different!' or 'I'm bi!' bullshit and it's over. We are a monogamous couple. If that doesn't work, tell me and we'll break this up now and you can on-line aUtHeNtIcAlLy.”
– “We might do couples therapy. Not sure right now. If you need to talk about your feelings for Amanda or whatever, go to individual therapy about it. I have zero interest in speaking to you about it. I'm not going to comfort you about how you lost a friend. You will not make yourself the victim of this around me.”
– “I have no idea how I'll feel about any of this in a week. I'm not going to commit to anything. I need to process the betrayal in my own way and on my own time. If that doesn't work for you, we can just end it now.”
This is so over dramatic its laughable.
It's one of those moments that will you randomly remember as an adult and cringe so bad, you'll wonder how on earth you could've acted like that.