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Date: October 4, 2022
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THANK YOU. This is the real talk I’m needing, and part of me hates that I’m in a place to really receive and understand it. A couple of years ago I would’ve lost myself in this to try to make it work. I really hope she figures this out, but I’m good in myself if she doesn’t.
I appreciate you responding, thanks again.
Even after reading his previous post, it doesn't even seem like it was a rejection, this ass just thinks he is more important than what he actually is. How I understand it, he had a one night stand with her, and next morning instead of everyone going their own way like normal people, he took it upon himself to make this big fanfare about how he didn't want anything else and just to remain friends. She was probably cringing in her mind while he was talking because that's awkward af, so she told him she is not interested in being friends and did what any sane person would do, continue on with her day, and his mind made this whole story about how she was so hurt that she couldn't trap him into a relationship and that's why he rejected his generous offer of friendship, so he went to a male friend of her and again came up with this cringey story about how he fucked her and didn't want a relationship and she must be so hurt because now she doesn't wanna accept my offer of friendship (which was not even something he wanted so more cringey..why even insist on that). The friend probably thought this was so effing awkward too and just continued with his life then he still wasn't happy that no one was giving the attention to this important matter..how dare they? So he again contacted her to keep trying to get a reaction out of her and since he couldn't, then he told her that he told her friend and that's when he finally got the reaction he wanted. So now of course that means she was definitely devastated about his rejection because his dick game had to be so good that is impossible that anyone would not be dying to be in a relationship with him.
OP, you are the type of guy we women talk about on a Saturday night, but not for the reasons you think. You would be the “omg I remember that time I ended hooking up with a guy and next morning he was so ridiculous talking about not wanting a relationship and being a friend. Worse part is, he was not even good in bed so it was a total waste of time”…while the rest of the friends cry-laugh and share their own stories. Again, pathetic.
Your sister isn’t a jerk, she’s reached her limit with your behaviour and is putting in healthy boundaries which sounds like a very wise choice.
There's no jealousy involved she's an idiot for thinking this is possible behaviour full stop.
Just completely disengage whenever she brings up anything related to them, and eventually, she'll get the hint that you're not going to budge.
If she wants to cheat, she will cheat. There's nothing you can do to stop that. But if she does end up cheating, then you need to end things ASAP and really go no contact and never forgive her.
If and when she cheats, you'll be able to tell based on your gut feeling. If she doesn't, just hope this passes over and move on. The one thing you can't do here is lose your self-control because she'll use it as justification to cheat on you.
Why was he ashamed?
That makes sense, although I’m surprised that HR is okay with your boss saying “because you went to HR, I’m moving you to another department”. That seems like the sort of thing that would be a red flag for HR.
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I sleep train to create men who can care for themselves and self sooth.
Are you fucking kidding me?
I think you should sit down and have a very honest conversation about the fact that you can’t keep putting in 95% of the work in this relationship. Constantly being in caretaker-mode takes a real toll on a relationship
Let her get the divorce. She's been your doormat for long enough. She's moved on. You take zero responsibility for anything you've done and in fact try use your mental health an excuse to justify it.
Why don’t the family tell him that it’s his fault she isn’t speaking to him, and if he wants to speak to her then he needs to do the work. He’s just trying to get away without apologising and making it everyone else’s problem. He can write her a letter if he’s serious, and someone could pass it on, on the understanding that she is under no obligation to read it.
Nude truth: None of this is your fault, NOR is any of it your responsibility. You need to distance yourself from him as much as possible. Cut off all contact. ALL of it.
Do not give him false hope. Do not text him. Do not talk to his family. The only way things get better for you is if you cut him out. You don't have to be mean about it. But you have to be firm.
A family member of mine went through something similar. An ex hurt themselves while they were dating because my relative threatened to leave. After the ex ended up in the hospital, my relative felt responsible. The relative stood their ground that they should be broken up, but they kept a line of communication open because they felt responsible for what the ex did after that. The ex dragged my relative through hell for MONTHS. Slandered their name. Got them fired from their job. Constantly tried to gaslight and manipulate them. It was awful. It only finally started to stop when 100% of the communication was cut.
I think your daughter is resentful of her younger siblings because of the things you are able to give them that she didn’t receive at there age. I’m not saying you’re wrong for wanting to spoil your kids in fact I would want to take my kids on trips if I had them. But I can see where your daughter is coming from, I feel like in her eyes she sees you giving your younger children all of these things she didn’t get and she probably feels like you are pushing her to the side. Maybe try to include her in things with your younger kids. Like bring her to Disney with you. I’m Not saying she’s justified for kinda being manipulative like this but I can see the emotions as to why she’s doing it
I'm so curious what the treatment was, if you don't mind sharing.
I don't think we have any future since he said I'm the same as his boss as being against him when his boss did nothing but recommend him for the vacancy and reward him, and he's since slept alone and eaten alone and barely talked to me. Tried to talk to him twice, but he even said that he's a different at work than what I see at home, and I'm not sure what talking to his friends could do besides maybe make him more upset at me
Not sure why I only saw your reply to my post when I’ve gotten about 6 others but anyway.
Honestly recently we’ve been arguing for the past 6 months like about once a week. It is usually squashed within a few hours but we both know that isn’t healthy at all… we both choose to prioritize the good over the bad but sometimes I find it ridiculous how the littlest of things recently can turn into an argument. I also usually speak to her in a soft tone trying to defend myself and not escalate it but she often raises her voice saying it’s all my fault. There is plenty of bad things I can consider but the past many good things will overtake it all for me:/
just remember that we never have to stay in a relationships we’re unhappy in. it’s not our responsibility to take care of a partner eve, though we love them and they’re struggling.
it’s so nude to say goodbye to todo we care about, but sometimes we realize it’s the best option for us, as sucky as it is.
Get a paternity test.
Get a lawyer.
Get ready to be a parent, both mentally and financially, as much as possible.
Get ready to tell her no on marriage.
Get ready to tell people to mind their own damn business.
That’s it.
YTA 100000%. You shouldn’t be “testing” your partner at all, that’s extremely unhealthy to do. She’s lucky you broke up with her now, or else I wonder if she’d be tested on various things for the rest of your relationship.
YTA 100000%. You shouldn’t be “testing” your partner at all, that’s extremely unhealthy to do. She’s lucky you broke up with her now, or else I wonder if she’d be tested on various things for the rest of your relationship.
Where did you get those statistics? More than 90% of people who get into med school graduate.
There is a subreddit called dead bedrooms
And ur fat and a loser and a liar she’ll dump u soon prob has hahahaha
Put her birthday, your anniversary and any other significant date to your GF into your calendar plus weekly reminders for the 4 weeks before that date. Start planning when you receive the first of those reminders. Make sure that for her birthday your plans are totally centred on what she would want and for your anniversary on things that represent you as a couple.
Plan date nights regularly. Plus all the things already stated by PPs
TW for sexual abuse…
I had a close childhood friend who molested me when we were preteens. I don't think either of us really knew the gravity of what happened, and I don't think it was done with any malice, but we grew apart because I was uncomfortable around her. We never talked about what happened but just drifted apart through high school. We lived together for a year in college but stopped staying in touch after that. She moved to another city.
In planning my wedding and related events, I've suddenly noticed grief about the loss of friendship surfacing. I realized it was because when we were young, I thought we'd always be there for each other's big life moments.
Anyway, I'm sharing this to say that Alex crossed a boundary and hurt you in a way that would be hot if not impossible to repair. It's normal and healthy to grieve that friendship; but that doesn't mean you should invite him back into your life, or that your wedding is the right time to do that if you eventually choose to.
Sorry for the overshare and good luck!