Active listening is a thing people don't do naturally. We just think about what we're going to say. Not all of us. Sometimes we listen to everything, sometimes we don't. He's gotten away with ignoring people while they're talking, so he keeps doing it. Now it's ingrained. So, you're going to have to express your need until it's a habit fir him to listen. Maybe start out emotionally uncomfortable conversations with I'm having a problem and I need you to listen to me, and then remind him when he stops. But training your partner to treat you with basic respect is emotionally exhausting. You should decide if he's worth it to you.
She keeps telling me she loves me and she needs me to help her stop her addiction. It just makes me feel bad because I feel like I’m running away from someone who I can help.
You're on fundamentally different pages now. You deserve to have the things in a relationship you want as do they. The only option is to end it.
This relationship isn't going to give either of you what you want anymore. You're not a bad person for wanting out, and they're not bad or wrong for changing the dynamic. Ideally it would have been nice for this conversation to happen much sooner before the imminent wedding, but the important thing at this stage is you have all the information now.
You two would be better with a loving friendship, if that's what you both want, than a romantic endeavour. You will have to tell your families though and the gossip train will leave the station regardless of what you do. The two of you need to get on the same page about how you want to handle that after you come to terms with the relationship.
That's super gross. I cannot imagine wanting to suck on the neck of one of my kids. Parents are not supposed to look at their children in a sexual manner or think of doing sexual things to them – and seriously the VAST majority of us don't. Have you known your dad all your life – and is this considered normal in your family?
When I got married, before we settled on a date, we called up our most important people and cleared the date with them. Your brother had to know the month you were graduating and be able to find out the day. I’m sorry.
I mean, even if she didn’t have sex, you really gunna tell me you’re cool with her just sleeping with an ex of hers two nights in a row, YEARS into your relationship? I would have an issue with my partner having lunch with an ex alone, let along cuddling all night.
How the fuck are you 31 and still running around with people who mistreat/gossip about your fiancée? You aren’t ready to be married, you aren’t even good at handling the intricacies of friendship what alone a life long partnership that entails forsaking all others for said partner. If someone made my husband’s life hell like this I would have removed them from my life so quickly they’d question if they ever really there. If your best friend is married to someone who gets their jollies from torturing your fiancée then they aren’t really friends material.
This could be so many things. With my wife and I guess true in all my relationships, i always did the typical male things in the relationship. I make plans for dates, open the door, drive her on date, order for her when it’s time to order food.
I’ve always tended to be the one to take charge. Like with girlfriends I usually didn’t ask what they wanted to do. Sure, as I got to know someone I’d ask what they liked to do and things like that. But when it came to the date or time we spent together, I’d make all the plans. I planned the dates. Maybe she wants you to step up a bit more and take charge. Don’t ask what she wants to do Friday night. Plan something (hopefully you know her enough by now to know what she’d like) and let her enjoy it.
My wife has always been a “girly girl” and loved to be treated like that. That basically means she follows my lead. All she has to do is enjoy
16 years old absolutely know it's wrong hooking up with ex of best friend. She knew it was wrong to not tell when they got back together. So did he.
I don't know why people here act like people age before 20 have no concept of trust/morals.
This post is ignorant.
“Power dynamics”
Drink!
Active listening is a thing people don't do naturally. We just think about what we're going to say. Not all of us. Sometimes we listen to everything, sometimes we don't. He's gotten away with ignoring people while they're talking, so he keeps doing it. Now it's ingrained. So, you're going to have to express your need until it's a habit fir him to listen. Maybe start out emotionally uncomfortable conversations with I'm having a problem and I need you to listen to me, and then remind him when he stops. But training your partner to treat you with basic respect is emotionally exhausting. You should decide if he's worth it to you.
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She keeps telling me she loves me and she needs me to help her stop her addiction. It just makes me feel bad because I feel like I’m running away from someone who I can help.
You're on fundamentally different pages now. You deserve to have the things in a relationship you want as do they. The only option is to end it.
This relationship isn't going to give either of you what you want anymore. You're not a bad person for wanting out, and they're not bad or wrong for changing the dynamic. Ideally it would have been nice for this conversation to happen much sooner before the imminent wedding, but the important thing at this stage is you have all the information now.
You two would be better with a loving friendship, if that's what you both want, than a romantic endeavour. You will have to tell your families though and the gossip train will leave the station regardless of what you do. The two of you need to get on the same page about how you want to handle that after you come to terms with the relationship.
Is there a reason why her partner doesn't seem to feature in any of these scenarios that require support?
That's super gross. I cannot imagine wanting to suck on the neck of one of my kids. Parents are not supposed to look at their children in a sexual manner or think of doing sexual things to them – and seriously the VAST majority of us don't. Have you known your dad all your life – and is this considered normal in your family?
When I got married, before we settled on a date, we called up our most important people and cleared the date with them. Your brother had to know the month you were graduating and be able to find out the day. I’m sorry.
I mean, even if she didn’t have sex, you really gunna tell me you’re cool with her just sleeping with an ex of hers two nights in a row, YEARS into your relationship? I would have an issue with my partner having lunch with an ex alone, let along cuddling all night.
My money is on this being completely one-sided and OP is not taking the damn hint that a relationship is never gonna happen.
How the fuck are you 31 and still running around with people who mistreat/gossip about your fiancée? You aren’t ready to be married, you aren’t even good at handling the intricacies of friendship what alone a life long partnership that entails forsaking all others for said partner. If someone made my husband’s life hell like this I would have removed them from my life so quickly they’d question if they ever really there. If your best friend is married to someone who gets their jollies from torturing your fiancée then they aren’t really friends material.
OP, no one can tell you how to feel.
*then procedes to tell OP how to feel*
This could be so many things. With my wife and I guess true in all my relationships, i always did the typical male things in the relationship. I make plans for dates, open the door, drive her on date, order for her when it’s time to order food.
I’ve always tended to be the one to take charge. Like with girlfriends I usually didn’t ask what they wanted to do. Sure, as I got to know someone I’d ask what they liked to do and things like that. But when it came to the date or time we spent together, I’d make all the plans. I planned the dates. Maybe she wants you to step up a bit more and take charge. Don’t ask what she wants to do Friday night. Plan something (hopefully you know her enough by now to know what she’d like) and let her enjoy it.
My wife has always been a “girly girl” and loved to be treated like that. That basically means she follows my lead. All she has to do is enjoy