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⭐, To have fun, it is only necessary to warm up a little bit⭐ [367 tokens remaining]
Date: October 6, 2022
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Hi OP. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and I’m sorry for your wife too. I want to point out that it’s close to impossible to diagnose abuse via a Reddit post and I wouldn’t recommend using this as a tool to come to a decision on that. Even if we could watch a video of all of these events occurring, it wouldn’t give us enough information to tell you whether or not you’re being abusive. And that’s not really the point.
What I can tell you is that it sounds as though your wife does not feel safe in the relationship. It’s likely she feels unsafe in many relationships given her trauma history. Does that mean you’re being abusive? Not necessarily. Does that mean you’re free of responsibility? No.
Speaking as someone with CPTSD, who has also told a partner they were gaslighting and manipulating me, it is very very very difficult to discern someone’s intentions when there is so much at stake and you’re in fear. Being financially dependent on a partner can be terrifying for someone who has experienced relational trauma, and has likely set her up to be more suspicious of your motives because of the power differential.
At 24 yo, I think it’s very dangerous for her to be financially dependent on you. This is the age when we need to be finding ourselves. I know the circumstances are shit here, and in a perfect world she wouldn’t have to work at all so she could focus on her healing. But my recommendation would be to support her in seeking this part-time work with the understanding that it is about so much more than the money.
She needs agency and independence. And if the idea of her not being dependent on you is scary or unsettling to you, I would spend some time questioning why that is. It’s common for men in hetcis relationships to crave some degree of power over their partner. Maybe that’s subconsciously operating for you here in some way. Or maybe not at all, and you’re just genuinely concerned about her ability to finish school.
Even so, as others have noted, that’s not your responsibility. It’s up to her to decide how she lives her life and what she’s capable of. I fear that you asserting your influence in this decision is just enabling this parent-child dynamic between the two of you to continue. Give her the space to be the person she wants to be and you may be surprised at how things shift between you two.
And if you can manage, please please please seek couples therapy. You will not regret it. ❤️
Hide the sunglasses. See if he starts panicking.
As a woman, you can't just say no. You don't know what will set the man off and will end up with you getting raped and possibly killed.
She really is a hippie at heart. She is very pure in her love for everyone in her life – family, friends, and myself.
There's no question to me that she values our relationship. She regularly makes wonderful art of the two of us, sometimes based on photos, sometimes more abstract.
She's a beautiful soul. It's just that getting citizenship is very important to her and we've talked about that a lot. I don't have an issue with the separation, I have an issue with the huge financial shift associated with everything else and how she decided it without consulting me
Say that then if she says she isn't comfortable wearing them, drop it. She will know your preference if she ever wants to do something nice, or if you decide you need someone who is comfortable in thongs I guess you can go find them. Personally they are much too uncomfortable and just stay constantly wet and gross for me to even feel sexy in them. I just feel like I smell even if I'm completely clean hahaha. aesthetically I can see how people may like the look for some bodies, but if I can't feel good wearing it you wouldn't have fun, yeah?
Word for word what I was going to say.
Must be the hive mind 😉
“He's an amazing bf”
No. He's not. It's that simple.
True
Again details are important
You are young and single. If he is your soul mate, you will find your way to each other.
Do not dim your light for him. If he is your soul mate, he wouldn't want you to give up good opportunities for him.
A month ago, I have already turned down a fellowship opportunity that would've made me relocate, but I don't want to resent him.
You are already halfway there. You wanted it, you knew it, and you chose to turn it down, but I see that it's praying on your mind now because it wouldn't come up if it weren't still on your mind.
I am content to move anywhere, but he is set on living in this city for the rest of his life
Seems like you have a choice to make. Stifle your career and dreams for a chance that your relationship will work OR reach for your dreams/career and chance that your relationship will work.