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Kipsy Rose, 22 y.o.
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Date: October 8, 2022
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Exactly what I said, this guy needs to tell more of the story.
I had a high risk pregnancy and managed to work off and on the first three months. Then, I was put on bed rest. Had a c-section. Our bills were so behind, I found a wait job when our daughter was two weeks old. Braced my belly with one of my hands every time that I picked up something heavy. Think you’re partner needs to chip in.
yea we’ll see. with how things have been going, we were planning to get back together in the next couple months, but i bet that after i tell him, he’ll either 1. not want to get back together soon or 2. it will definitely delay us getting back together as he’ll need time to think and process if this is something that he can be okay with. either way, itll probably be a while.
you mean they should take eachother on dates, give eschother gifts and go on vacations together. not that this should all be
Didn't even read your post yet, I am judging purely off the title:
YES
YES IT IS CHEATING!
If you two did not have a conversation where you gave her permission to kiss her female friends, then it is cheating. Plain and simple. She is kissing people that are not you, and you did not okay it beforehand.
Now there is the stereotype that men love watching women make out, so I could maybe understand questioning it if it happened one time. But if it has happened more than once, you have voiced your opinion on it, or you told her you consider it cheating and she continues to do it, then it is wrong.
What is the point of this post? What advice are you asking?
It's easier to identify this situations when you use different emotions to picture what's going on.
I don't get angry often, I pride myself on it, but there have been times where I should have used anger in a healthy communicative manner. Instead of denying the fact I was angry. Another time, and this is the important part OP; I got angry during a conversation. I knew I was furious, but in the discussion I could have before I had to isolate, I realized I was not in the right, and no matter how upset I was about the situation being the way it was, I just had to ride my anger out. The most important part for me, after recognizing the emotion, and finding a healthy way to deal with it- was NOT ACTING ON THAT EMOTION UNTIL IT PASSED. For me that was just not doing something dumb.
What looks like happened in your husband's case is he did a healthy thing in response to his fuckup: he apologized because he felt shame. Great. Problem is, he still felt that shame even after apologizing to you. It was his job NOT TO ACT ON HIS SHAME until the emotion passed. You apologized, but just because you did so doesn't make you feel immediately better (aa was evident in your post) or him. But you guys knew the right steps to take. The healthy way to do things. But neither of you could admit that you needed a little more time to let the emotion in you pass, even if you've recognized what it is and know what steps to take.
I might be so bold as to say you two went through the motions of what you thought was right. But that wouldn't be giving you guys the credit you deserve. You immediately identified your emotions and took the correct steps. The problem is that your husband continued to act on his shame. And even though you forgave him earlier, you didn't tell him that you were feeling hurt even though you forgive him, and that you need to not feel obligated to make him feel comfortable, but at the same time the best thing he could do for you is not try to get you to emotionally react with him or for him.
Anyways I repeated myself enough. The problem was even though you guys are emotionally mature, you seem to have gotten too comfortable on routine in these situations instead of actually figuring out if the emotions your feeling require more than just going through the correct, healthy, motion.
It's fair to break up for boundaries not being stuck to. You want two forms of protection and it's not being met.
However, it's 100% fair for her to not want to use female birth control. Thank god I'm in premature menopause and don't need to worry about periods or pregnancy.
Hormonal birth control has a book's worth of side effects, and the negative impacts on a woman's body/health. Such as bleeding between periods, weight gain, migraines, allergic reactions, decreased sex drive, mood changes (mild to severe). More serious complications are blood clots (experienced this twice), high blood pressure, and increased breast/cervical cancer risks. Plus, certain medications (like antibiotics, anticonvulsants, etc.) can interfere with the birth control and make them less effective!
Non-hormonal birth control, like the copper IUD, also have negative side effects; such as heavier bleeding, allergic reactions, severe pain. Not to mention, the more serious complications of it puncturing through the uterine wall, falling out of the uterus or infection.
You guys just aren't compatible.
Well, that's enough Reddit for me tonight. See you guys back here tomorrow.
Just tell your husband. Not only did you cheat, you slept with his cousin ffs! Tell him.
If you’re on the US, he’s legally not entitled to any gifts. The engagement ring is the only exception to the gift rule so you should give that back.
As for everything else, tell him to fuck himself and cut all contact. Go ahead and press charges against him for all of the abuse and threats too (seriously).
Just like he’s done for the duration of your relationship, it’s nothing more than a threat to manipulate you. You should hope he calls the police. I assure you it won’t go well for him. Good luck and stay safe.