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GoldenZoey Public Chat Channel
Date: October 9, 2022
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You do realize that this misogynstic jackoff doesn't care about that, or he would have said as much. Instead he tried to compare “stripper music” (what does that even mean?” to a music artist that raped someone.
Are you being intentionally dense, or is this just your attempt to justify what he said because you feel the same way?
Wooooah, there – there's nothing positive (for either of them) you can do in this situation by bringing this up. You can distance or remain friends, but do not try anything with this guy. You don't want someone who'd bail on their partner for you, and you're more likely to get kicked to the curb if you try to woo him anyways because doing that is rightfully seen as scummy. If they break up on their own you *maybe* could broach it eventually, but definitely don't encourage that for the same reason as not making a move on him.
TLDR; I'm sorry you've caught feels without knowing it couldn't work, but you're not getting this guy 99 times out of 100.
I'm sorry you had to go through that and have people call you terrible stuff. Your parents are absolute assholes and you have every right to cut them out of your life.
How dare they make you feel bad for the things you've done, but do things 10x worse? How dare they choose getting their rocks off over giving you a wonderful upbringing?
I hope you're able to find the help you need. And know not to jump into anything too quickly before getting the help. I wish you all the best. Good luck
Have you read those books broski? We can't compete. Just let them have this one. Her enjoying these books does not mean she's dissatisfied with your sex life.
I know people in successful relationships with significant age gaps. My uncle recently married his husband. His husband is lovely, and has had a really amazing affect on him. He is about the same age as my older brother. No one really cared. For context, my uncle is sixty.
Just like every other relationship, what matters most is that the relationship is healthy and you're both happy, there are no power or control imbalances, and you both receive due respect.
It sounds like he wasn't on the look out for a young twenty something but you two just stumbled across each other. If this is something you want to pursue, educate yourself on what toxic behaviours are most seen in age gap relationships. Arm yourself with knowledge, just make sure it's unbiased in either direction.
For the record, I don't think 10 years is that bad (like 30-40, 40-50 etc). I'm wary about those in early to mid twenties. I do think you're quite young, but it also sounds like you two hit it off and haven't had any issues before knowing the difference.
But if this makes you uncomfortable, that's okay too. You don't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. It works for some, and doesn't for others. If it's not for you, I don't think anyone will judge you for it. This is all your decision. Do what makes you happy.
Given he also displayed some discomfort, you two might very well have the same feelings, so he should be pretty understanding about your concerns and whatever you decide to do.
Age gaps aren't really that taboo anymore. Unless you're on Reddit. I'll probably get downvoted to hell.
What the hell man! Do you think a relationship is a transaction?!
GO TALK TO HER! She is a human, not a machine. You need to communicate how you feel and try to find solutions to fix it WITH her.
“I don’t want to be that guy”, then don’t fucking be that guy. SIMPLE. Easy? No. Emotions are never easy. However, it sure as hell is simple.
If you want intimacy, then you need to express to your wife how important that is to you and figure out why she isn’t giving it. If you need to go to counseling (which you definitely do), then go.
I am a neurodivergent man and have some similar experiences to your partner, I can't speak to whether or not he also falls into this category but it does sound like it could be close. Now that I'm nearly 30 I've been lucky enough to meet my wonderful fiancé and have a brilliant group of friends with whom we can share anything, but making new friends who don't already “know” me is… difficult. I get told that I'm blunt, or harsh, or intimidating, or a “know-it-all” and a huge amount of that comes from me not understanding social cues, it is never my intention to make anybody feel this way or to come across in a certain way, and the people I share my life with closely all know that I have good intentions so they don't see it, but that goes less for strangers.
One of my love languages is info-dumping, and I fully understand that that can be annoying but I don't realise I'm doing it at the time. There are a few subjects where because I'm so interested in them I've got a pretty hefty amount of info in my brain, and when my friends ask me questions I want them to be as informed as possible, and can talk for a while about things I enjoy. This isn't because I like the sound of my own voice, I get carried away because I want the people I love to have every bit of their question answered, and they know they can stop me at any point. With strangers, this gets perceived as me “showing off”, hence the know-it-all comments, and it sucks to be seen as that way when in my head I'm just answering someone's question to the best of my ability. Maybe if your partner is very keen on UFC his co-workers feel like he goes overboard talking about it so don't include him, when in actual fact all your partner wants to do is be involved in the conversation but tries a little too naked in doing so?
One of the other cues I struggle with is people asking for advice, because I've found that many people just want affirmation or validation, not an actual solution. My close friends all know this now and we have a system whereby if one of them comes for advice or consolation, we have an exchange of “Am I listening today or problem-solving?” So that I know how to respond. We had a friend who used to come over a lot to cry/complain about dating a string of unpleasant guys one after the other, and she told us that she kept saying yes to guys and going home with them even when they were mean to her because it was better than being alone, I told her she needed therapy to figure out why that was, and she was upset and told my fiance it was harsh. Afterwards, I realised that I could have put it better and it came across badly, and I apologised and it's all fine now, but I had to explain that I wasn't being dismissive or critical, I genuinely felt like therapy was a good way to address the issues that she was facing because they were beyond my paygrade, so to speak.
Basically, many neurodivergent people don't know how to spot all of the “rules” of social interaction that exist amongst neurotypicals. This can be fine amongst close friends who get to see all the good as well, and know exactly how you mean everything, but it can be very challenging to interact with strangers/new social groups because each one comes with social nuance to navigate. A lot of neurotypical people also don't feel like taking the time to accomodate neurodivergent people because they feel like “everyone should just know these things” which can make it especially difficult when you had an abnormal upbringing, parents who didn't know/get you tested/were in denial about potential issues, or you didn't have access to resources and care. Maybe people just need to get to know him better! Have a serious, face to face conversation with your loved ones about what their issues might be, and don't let up if they continue to be dismissive of your concerns 🙂
So he is abusive towards you. The fact that you know this will happen means this has happened before. This is not normal! Why are you allowing yourself to be treated this way?
I'm 23 how much income do you think there is lol (kidding!!)
Dude is deflecting trying to push blame on you, def move on with your life. While I’m not a fan of checking up on people, you actually had a valid reason and he straight up lied. He’s clearly into the other girl and she is him. If you try to save it he’ll just get more clever with the lies and trying to hang out with ole girl. If he wasn’t doing any thing bad he wouldn’t have lied. Cut dude out.
Oh messing in other people’s marriages is like, her favourite thing.
How so