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SQUIRT SHOW [997 tokens remaining]
Date: October 12, 2022
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This is super complicated but I’ll take a crack. It sounds like he misses the partner he had before her death, and honestly, I feel for him. The bond he had with his ex sounds like an incredible one and there is absolutely no way for you to fill her shoes.
I know this is very painful for you, and it sounds like you have both made incredible sacrifices because of the value you see in one other but sometimes that just isn’t enough. You don’t sound happy, and you know now that he hasn’t always been happy with you either.
There isn’t a point to putting a charade over what is lacking in this relationship. That’s a temporary cover up to either a life filled with future unhappiness or explosion of that very thing later down the line.
At this point all you can do is be honest and apologetic about what you’ve described here. You can be upset with him for hiding his feelings from you, but he did not cheat on you. His ex wife is not here with us. That is his outlet, his therapy. That’s where he goes to heal himself from what is bothering him. He hasn’t allowed you to be that and released her, but he hasn’t cheated. You breached his trust by reading the diary. You’re also lacking in the relationship.
These are major issues. It sounds like you guys can afford a therapist, and if the relationship is as important to the two of you as you both make it sound (he sounds very committed to you, beyond the ring) then it is very much worth it to go that route. The first step there is being honest about the realities you’re facing
Say “I find myself really falling for you.” Hot for guys to open up and be vulnerable. Show him some vulnerability and he may surprise you.
Things are better today. He senses im hurting and I’m trying to level my mind and come back to the problem. He’s still being affectionate and helped me clean the house this morning.
This place is primarily populated by introverts who think people only go clubbing to pull. Some people just think it's fun to get drunk and dance…
You gave your boyfriend an ultimatum: he goes to therapy or the relationship ends.
The fact that he 1) is giving up so quickly and 2) is now trying to play it off as if he doesn't know what you meant when you told him to go to actual therapy suggests that he either doesn't care or didn't take you seriously when you gave him the ultimatum.
If you don't stick to your word now that he has told you he won't be going, you're effectively showing him that your words are meaningless and that he can walk all over you next time as well.
This is just bravado talk from a young guy.
i would let it go, and keep not mentioning either to either.
You're missing the analogy. The point is that marriage, unlike any other legal contract,mean be broken at will with, or without, cause. And, it's also the only contract where the person who breaks it is typically rewarded for doing so.
No, women aren't cars. But, contracts are involved with both of them. You're trying to muddy the discussion with irrelevant nonsense like oil changes.
If you dint change your oil the bank doesn't repossess your car. So, taking your silly oil change/broken down car analogy…. let's say you don't give your attention-devouring wife the attention she needs. Then, she breaks down by giving you the silent treatment and becoming overall unpleasant to love with. Does that break the contract in your analogy? Does the bank even want to repossess a broken down car if you're still paying for it? No.
You can't win this argument not because I'm smarter than you. It's because I'm right.
You can’t make anyone do anything. All you can do is express your feelings, and they will either be heard or they won’t.
It sounds to me like your words will continue to fall on deaf ears, and that this is what life is going to be like with him. Do with that what you will.
Your girlfriend isn’t really acting her age. She needs to calm down and realise it’s perfectly normal for a 21 year old to not be a virgin. If it was that important to her, she should have asked.
Why.. why would you stay with someone like this? You read what his true feelings are. How could you ever get past those? He sounds like sort of an unstable person to me. Who does shit like that, that’s kinda crazy. :/ I’m sure you’re not the problem, it sounds like he definitely is. You need to find someone whom you can trust who actually likes you ALL the time and won’t shit talk you. If your best friend told you her bf did this to her, what would you want her to do?