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Date: October 13, 2022
Pay offs and abandonment
Definitely a fair comparison. Taking a weed gummy versus banging a prostitute is totally the same thing.
What you have is a man that cheats, has never really been committed to you, and might’ve been lying to you for years about his true feelings around marriage to manipulate you into staying. Yeah I’d choose a piece of paper over that, literally any piece of paper.
I think he's right that it doesn't matter whether they're attracted to him, but it matters that he's being “nice” while someone is ignoring you in conversation. Like, if I went somewhere with a friend, someone approached us to chat, and they were fawning over me and ignoring my friend, trying to cut them out of the conversation, I would absolutely make an excuse to get me and my friend out of there.
Separately, my partner has the same problem as yours, and he absolutely doesn't let anyone cut me out of a conversation like that. I think the problem here is “don't be nice to people while they're being shitty to people you care about.”
That he’s open with you about what he’s doing and allows you access to things like location sharing or allowing you to ride along.
If he doesn’t agree that his relationship has at least the appearance of a problematic nature he’s lying or delusional. If he’s unwilling to accept any sort of compromise that would allow you to be more understanding, the problem is his.
You sound like you are not ready to take on a mate just yet. You need your own, independent life for the moment. You are young, so it makes sense you have the drive and desire to chase after more dramatic, emotional situations. That’s normal.
I think if you string her along while you get more resentful being tied down is crueler to her. It will hurt no matter – now if you break up with her, or later when you finally do convince yourself to cheat on her or do something that will hurt her anyway. Please don’t do that. Hurt her by breaking up with her, but don’t harm her by playing with her heart because she thinks you have the strength to fight your urge to cheat.
Don’t lie, tell her this is a problem with you. You are not at her level – you may never be at her level, but one day, who knows? Regardless, that is not fair to make her wait for you to figure out if you are single forever or if she has a chance, and she may grow tired of you, too. The relationship is still pretty fresh at five months.
She wants security and loyalty and stability. If you can’t give her those things willingly and fully, you are not ready for this woman and you need to allow her to find her happiness with someone else. Don’t make her wait for you. That is cruel.
Good luck, man!!!
Maybe I’m seeing this differently, but this is a new problem they are just starting to work out. If their communication isn’t enough, then of course counseling is a choice. I just wouldn’t jump to it for one problem that honestly seems pretty minor if they are able to work it out.