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Ali, 30 y.o.
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Date: October 24, 2022
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I (21M) have been dating A (22F) for just under 2 years now. Before we were dating, she was in the public sphere, as she acted. She doesn’t act anymore, but she still has a substantial on-line following (10k+) on IG.
She’s always posted the occasional bikini pic or revealing photo, and that’s obviously fine, what attractive college girl doesn’t. I’ve felt secure enough in our relationship and I know that she’d never cheat on me, and so I didn’t say much. But, of course, as the BF I can’t help but feel a little jealous. Still, no big deal.
This leads to a day ago, when she posted an extremely revealing photo out of the blue (she’ll usually text me before and ask ~”hey do you think I look cute? I wanna post it” and I respected her for that.
The photo in question was a mirror selfie of her in a lingerie bunny costume with her entire a$$ exposed. And I mean entire. It literally looked like a naked from the back. Not to mention it’s been a month since Halloween. The photo was so racy my friends texted me asking if we broke up.
Anyway, we talk and When she asked me why I didn’t comment on the post I told her it made me feel uncomfortable and she immediately started gaslighting me. I mentioned how I just brought her to my family’s thanksgiving and I felt weird about my grandparents, mom, and sister seeing her post this on-line. She did not care.
Additionally, her athletics coach advised her to take it down because it’s an unprofessional look for her team. She ranted to me about this and expected me to take her side, and that’s what escalated the argument. She won’t apologize and I’m not sure what to do. She can’t even fathom why I’m upset in the first place. I’m honestly just shocked. I genuinely felt so secure in my relationship before this, but this photo crossed the line and I’m not sure what to think anymore.
In highschool I had a male desk mate friend (both of us are straight) give me a picture of him he had in his wallet. I jokingly said I will place it on my nightstand and say goodnight to it until reunion when I hand it back. We laughed but I’m actually doing it and he probably doesn’t remember the joke but I’m hoping he will get a kick out of it…..highschool stuff is just stupid shenanigans
This isn’t strictly true – being late is often not out of disrespect. In NLP people experience time in one of two ways: “through time” and “in time”. Look up these terms as it relates to NLP and being on time vs being late to get a better understanding behind your partner’s lateness and you may be more forgiving.
“Through Time people will like lists, they will be on time always (and get angry if you are not), will love to use their organisers and will want to complete things…now!” – NLPWorld
“In-time is a common time line type. With this time sort, a person experiences being in the present moment. Their sense of time passes through their body at some point. There is little awareness of time passing. Usually some part of the person’s history or future is unavailable unless they turn their head.
If someone has this timeline type, they will often be late for appointments because right now is more real than the future. They dislike personal organizers, planning and being accountable for time. They will often use a simple system like a diary or calendar to remember future events.
This timeline creates highly emotional memories and is a therefore a good way to remember experiences or things you want to remember. It enables spontaneity, flexibility and creativity. Many artists experience this way of filtering time. It is not so useful for doing business in a Western Culture or other areas where deadlines are involved. It is great for being on holiday.” – NLP-mentor
Hang on, It’s only your version that you were ‘just hanging out’, sounds more stalker-ish to me. The whole thing is so immature & dysfunctionally toxic, OP could very well more likely have been harrassing him the whole time making a scene at his work. Sitting in there watching the security camera screens – wt actual fuq!? ..
.Everyone says leave me alone but you try to make them feel better so I didn’t take it as serious.
Ignoring peoples explicitly stated wishes & boundaries and pestering & harrassing them is also abusive behaviour. You're barely out of your teens and still think you know all about how to ‘deal with’ people, and relationships. Don’t even see that you was groomed by a grown-up & you've apparently wasted much of the past 5 years of your life hanging around a mechanic shop (“I usually stay his whole shift” “I hang out at his job more than we hang out outside his job”) ffs a teenager pestering a grown man.
If he wanted me to leave why didn’t he have just said that?
HE DID! He SAID he didn’t want to talk, and for the next THREE WHOLE HOURS ffs didn’t come to suck up to his stalker. You deliberately ignored it and now are crying. Ok so then he blows up your phone calling, probably trying to ward off some nuclear scorned stalker reaction raining down on him. OP, go get a life of your own, go study something or get a job. It’s not ‘dating’ if the only hanging out you do is AT YOUR ‘boYfriEnDs’ work place. Calling the cops on you definitely wasn’t cool, he should have just told you EXPLICITLY to go, but as you apparently have habit & history of just ignoring his wishes, still your version of the rest of the story is in doubt if you’re recounting it exactly accurately, sorry. You should have listened to him when he said he didn’t want to talk, and left. WTF are you DOING wasting so much of your life hanging around a mechanic shop ffs where you’re not even working in?. Respect peoples wishes & boundaries, don’t stomp all over them & ignore them and get pikachu face when it ends badly. Block this dude, grow a little maturity, get your own life, a happy life with someone nearer your own age. Best of luck!
Based on her reaction and what youve stated in the comments, I think your daughter dislikes her siblings and children due to her childhood, in part.
Ive no doubt raising your daughter was difficult as you would have been very young. There's also the fact you're the only real parent she could rely on, and a massive figure in your life. But she probably looks at how other kids and her siblings live! and compares her childhood to them. I'm not doubting your parenting skills but it can't have been easy and it's possible you've improved so much, your daughter might be thinking “why just me? Why didn't I have that?” She may think you could've been better as a parent but somehow chose not to, rather than really understanding the circumstances.
I'm not saying it makes sense, and I'm not saying she's right at all; at 25 she should be able to figure things out. But it's possible this has all just been too much and she lashed out cos she felt overwhelmed over her car and doesn't have THAT parent she can go to
The problem is that he hasnt contacted her AT ALL in the last 2 weeks. Not even a single check in text with her. so in my opnion, he's just as responsible for not communicating with her at all on how she is doing.
There could be 100 reasons why she hasnt messaged him. Life got busy. she thinks hes mad at her so she's scared to reach out. maybe shes mad that he didnt even check on her in 2 weeks and is being petty. Maybe she's like me and has the object permanence of a literal toddler and honestly just let time get away from her and hasnt been able to reach out since she's finished processing. But HE wont know any of this until he checks in with her from time to time. I'm not saying she's a good person for not messaging him in two weeks, but he has also not put in any effort to communicate with her either. He could just as easily just TELL her what's bothering him, instead he's like “yea im just going to let this continue for 10 more days instead of addressing this now”
Found the girlfriend's alt account!
Sure, there are other ways to immigrate. But they're not as certain and depend on specific career situations, etc. Depends on the countries involved, obviously. But marriage is BY FAR the easiest way to do it, so if you do end up planning a future together… in the future… it might help to be more open to marriage.