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shake big ass [166 tokens remaining]
Date: October 31, 2022
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I don’t think your problem is a lack of romance, now that you’re stable with a job and such, I think you should focus on finding other people to spend time with. Friends and such. You could try to find some clubs to join, online communities, maybe some sports teams or something.
He sounds like a great guy, but I’m worried that you’ve made him too great in your mind, y’know? You’ve (understandably) got him on this pedestal because of all the very kind things he’s done for you, but I think your gratitude is building a fantasy of him that probably isn’t exactly matching reality.
You don’t need to surround yourself with other people all the time, and obviously you can’t avoid him at work, but even just doing things in your free time to have fun, relax, clear your thoughts and get your mind off of him will probably help. Maybe even try looking up stuff about meditation.
Do you have access to medical care? There could be a physical cause, and it might be helpful to be able to rule that out first.
if you love something set it free… if you want to know if she loves you, set yourself free and see how she reacts. By setting yourself free i mean stop talking to her, stop doing things with her, dedicate time to yourself and dedicate time to other relationships.
Play her game, “if it happens then it will happen”. Tell her you need time to yourself.
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but why are you with him? He disrespects you, he lets his friends disrespect you, his family distespects you.
When you’re surrounded by people who put you down, remember that it’s okay to choose yourself. You’re the one closest to you. Respect yourself and get out, give yourself a chance to be respected, supported, appreciated, especially by yourself.
I think you're forgetting a difference between the two. You cannot reason with a cat. You cannot speak to them about actions and consequences. We communicate with pets differently than humans, tossing them off is how we communicate that it's not wanted. You wouldn't be able to throw your kid off you. There isn't much choice with pets sometimes. What would the non-owner do? Let the cat dig their nails into them or be a danger to them? That's how you deal with cats. You have a choice with your son and don't have to do it that way. He can reason and understand actions and consequences etc… And using someone's emotional response against them is abusive, the whole “they'll still love me and come to me anyways so it's ok”… Treating a cat like a cat is not abusive, even if unwanted by you because they don't own the cat. I agree I generally wouldn't want others manhandling my cat, but I'm also a reasonable person and if it was the correct action I won't let it bother me much
She didn't really do many chores at home – neither did I. A lot of it is anxiety based on her end, which I try to be understanding of, whilst also trying to defend myself when I feel I've been treated unfairly (because having anxiety doesn't give someone a free pass).
We've communicated about it a bunch, and we seem to resolve it only for something like this to occur again in couple of weeks.
I've asked her to make more direct requests, as a commenter said below I think for BOTH of us being more direct would've helped here. I feel like if she wants the bowls loaded now, then I'd really rather her say that as opposed to a broad hint that indicates there isn't a preferred time frame, which is pretty much what I ran with.
Sometimes I wake up and do shit that needs doing immediately, sometimes I leave it for a while. I prefer to be 'flexible' in that regard, but yes I do see what you mean.
Thanks for your input!
You need to be able to cook because ordering takeaway everyday isn't healthy. Even those “healthy” take out spots aren't so healthy mate.
If you ever have children you'd need to know how to cook. A child requires a very balanced diet and you won't get that ordering McDonald's.
Take this from a guy who eats more take out than he would like to. Home cooked meals taste better always. I get tired of eating take away. Sometimes I want a giant roast dinner, or a proper home made steak pie. You don't get that with take aways.
But saying all of this. Clearly you have a very well paying job. You handle all of your household expenses solo and sound like you could handle children on that single salary. With this in mind your partner really shouldn't be pushing anything here….
I know many women who would kill for a guy that could provide them this.
I think your friends meant well, but it's just not right for you at this time.
He also has feelings for her and he has known her longer than you.
Sure, your feelings matter.
Idk man it's one thing if OP's husband is spending his Saturdays sitting on the couch, but saying you should give up half of a free weekend day is a big ask to barely interact while one person does their hobby that you can't even watch. Even though you're not anchored to the finish line for hours doesn't mean you're getting to spend your time how you want – you're just killing time until the race is over.
Thank you! It’s not about the money at all. I’m happy to pay and didn’t notice it at all until my therapist asked about it. It’s the lack of acknowledgment in this and other areas. There a pattern of greater disrespect and what my therapist refers to as emotional violence on her part that my past experiences have conditioned me to. The small slights and little red flags go unnoticed sometimes. I’m happy for you and your partner by the way. Congrats on a good relationship and 21 month old ?
That attitude makes me sick. You'll be all for his involvement if she wants to keep it but don't give a shit otherwise. Total misandry.