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Aria, 18 y.o.
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Date: November 30, 2022
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I think she should tell him because he deserves to know the reason she wants to end things. That’s only fair imo
You guys have been together for 6 years and only see each other once or twice a week? Do you spend the entire weekend together atleast? It sounds like you're ready to move things to the next step and he is just not. His excuses for not wanting to on-line together after 6 years really don't make much sense. 1. He's a light sleeper so he doesn't want to move in together? What kind of excuse is that, there are ways to work around it. 2. He uses his roommates car. Is he unresponsible to get his own? He can't use yours probably because he doesn't want you knowing what he's doing. 3. He works from home. So??? If you don't, then you come home and that's when you spend time together. Honestly I hate to say it but it sounds like he's not wanting to move the relationship any farther, but he's not wanting to let it go either because he's comfortable doing what he does and doesn't care he's dragging you along. To be together for 6 years and your only seeing eachother 1 or 2 a week and nothings changing you should really consider what you want.
Nothing serious but they say “I love you” and exchange hot pictures. Either the definition of serious has changed or she’s lying.
He pursued you then gave up any effort when he got you.
You told him to do something differently once and he hated you for it.
You shared your goals for the future; that doesn’t mean he’ll be in your future.
There’s nothing wrong with you. Give up the idea that every relationship will last forever and be successful. You don’t like how he’s treating you, and it’s his decision to treat you that way; you deserve better and you know it. Either he needs to change how he treats you, or you need to be ok with a lackluster “relationship”, or you need to face a little heartbreak so that you can eventually move onto someone better.
Yes, great idea. Make it blue or green….toddler boy colour, maybe even a Superman logo on the side.
It's her house FFS, ok no dogs in the bed I get it, my partner has his dogs sleep on the bed n and the little one wakes me up digging around lol but where the fuck does he get off saying that for the room he's not even in, bit of a cheeky fucker if you ask me
What did you lie to him about?
I think just call her or him and explain shes not welcome to come in and ask around for you and there either is nothing to talk about, or ask her what she wants. If it had to be in person, ask why and then decide. Personally? I don't think there is anything at all worth talking to her about. Who fucking cares if she has questions about why it ended and such?
he didn't do that to “teach you a lesson” don't be ridiculous. That's just who he really is. He may well do OTHER stuff to teach you lessons but you don't say what. If he does shit like that there's no way you should be in a relationship with this person.
Give the cats to a friend or pay to board them at a cattery and GTFO
Do I have a right to be upset?
To paraphrase her possibly fictitious doctor, “if anyone should be upset it's you.”
Is this end worthy?
Man, you passed end-worthy a while ago. I doubt you can still see it in your rear view mirror.
Am I being manipulated or gaslit?
Actually no, she's being very direct about what a trainwreck she is. She's lying a lot, but she's not trying to make you think you're crazy for thinking she's a mess. She's told you repeatedly that she's a mess, and she's shown you repeatedly that she's going to bleed you dry so you can't even call it being manipulated either. This is an extremely upfront and clearly delineated dumpster fire.
How can I trust this won’t continue to happen?
You absolutely can not and should not trust that this won't continue to happen, because this continuing to happen is roughly as likely as the sun rising tomorrow. I couldn't find a single reason she's given you in that entire post to have even the faintest hope that this won't continue to happen. She's basically walking around wearing a t-shirt that says “this is going to continue to happen,” and it's spelled out with blinking lights like a tacky Christmas sweater. Of course this is going to continue to happen.
Look, I understand your hesitation in doing the obviously correct move for your own well-being and getting the hell out of there. You are worried about her daughter, and you're also worried about her despite all the heartache because you do care for this woman and are worried that you're the only thing keeping her life intact. The problem is one person absolutely cannot be the only thing keeping someone else's life intact, it's too much pressure for one individual to bear. Especially with a life like this!
There's an expression called “don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.” Once you're burnt down to nothing they're cold again and need to find somebody else; you destroying yourself to keep her life marginally intact is not sustainable and once you're burnt down to nothing she and her daughter will be in the exact same position they would be if you left right now. In fact maybe you leaving will be the trigger she needs to finally make some positive changes herself. It's unlikely, but it's a hell of a lot more likely than if you stay with her and continue enabling her. She'll never change a thing with you there to hold everything together, for however long you manage to last.